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Talk:Greg Young (footballer)/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer:NiciVampireHeart22:07, 1 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Quck fail criteria
  1. Has reliable sources
  2. Is written neutrally
  3. No valid cleanup tags
  4. Is relatively stable with no edit wars
  5. Not specifically concerned with a rapidly unfolding current event with a definite endpoint
Full review
GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

1a: Prose

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Several problems here need to be fixed.
  • "where also played in the reserve team". Missing word?
  • "He was released at the end of the 2001–02 season and joined fellow First Division team Grimsby Town in July 2002 following a trial, who signed him to initially play in the reserves". Not good. Would suggest "He was released at the end of the 2001–02 season, and was signed by fellow First Division team Grimsby Town in July 2002 following a trial, initially to play in the reserves."
  • "He eventually made his first team debut after starting in a 2–1 defeat to Reading on 26 April 2003"? He made his first team debut after starting? How does that work?
  • "alrady". Spelling mistake.
  • "His first appearance of the 2003–04 season as a substitute". Missing word?
  • "However, he suffered a dislocated shoulder in a 4–4 draw at Chesterfield on 27 March 2004, and despite the team conceding four goals he was described as the "stand-out performer"." Something about this doesn't read right to me. Was he taken off due to the injury? If so, were the goals before or after that? Why was he the "stand-out performer"?
    • Possible reword the above to something like "Young was described as the "stand-out performer" in a 4-4 draw at Chesterfield on 27 March 2004, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder during the match."
  • "He was still suffering from the shoulder injury by June" --> "He was still suffering from the shoulder injury in June"
  • Why did a cold require treatment from a physiotherapist?
  • "signed for Conference team Halifax Town on a free transfer on 25 February 2005 after signing" - "sign" (or deriatives of "sign") used twice in quick succession. Would suggest changing to "moved to Conference team Halifax Town on a free transfer on 25 February 2005 after signing" or something similar to avoid repetitiveness.
  • "ending a 3–3 draw" - ending in a 3–3 draw sounds better imo.
  • Any word on what the August injury was?
  • "semi-final victory over Grays Athletic 5–4 on aggregate". Missing words?
  • "released by Halifax following their financial collapse". This must be a better way of wording this than "financial collapse". Seems overly dramatic.
  • "clsoe range". Spelling error.
  • "which ensured Altrincham would stay out of a fight against relegation" --> "which ensured Altrincham would not be in a relegation position" or similar.
  • "returned to playing full-time". There was no mention that he wasn't playing full-time until this point. Requires clarification.

1b: MOS compliance

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Overall

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  • Several prose problems are present and need to be worked on. Otherwise the article is in good shape.
  • I am placing this article on hold for seven days to allow you to fix the problems listed. If the work is completed before then, I will pass the article before the seven days are up. If no attempts are made to correct the problems, I will fail the article in seven days. If you are not finished within the seven days, I have no problem in extending the hold period to allow you to finish, as long as I see work is being carried out on the article.
  • To make it easier for me to see how much work has been done, please either strike each comment when the problem has been fixed or post a note underneath each item saying it is completed.
  • Feel free request to clarification on anything; you can leave comments on my talk page or here, as I have this page watchlisted.
NiciVampireHeart22:07, 1 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Pass

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