Talk:Hurricane Ophelia (2011)/GA1
Hey, nice job on this! Looks pretty good, but of course there's room for improvement. Here's what I'm seeing in the way of GA:
- Areas affected: I understand the need to stave off overlinking, but it looks really weird for three regions in a row to be linked and the fourth unlinked. Also, I would standardize between UK in the lead and Europe in the infobox.
- The lead goes too far into synoptic history. Currently the intro accounts for over 1/4 of the article's wordcount. I would see if you could summarize the meteo stuff into one paragraph, and then perhaps add a little detail to the impact summary.
- as increased wind shear from a nearby cold-core low... - thermal structure wording is weird. I would just say upper-level trough, upper low, ET low, mid-lat low, whatever.
- Despite the poor presentation on geostationary satellite images - needlessly specific, since we don't really use any other kind of satellites for most intensity assessments.
- As the upper-level low moved closer to Ophelia, inducing increasingly unfavorable shear near the center of the storm - nitpicky, but the shear surely enveloped the whole circulation instead of only affecting the center.
- become completely exposed to view - "void of thunderstorms"?
- I'm not sure what you can do, but the second paragraph of the MH kind of rambles on. I would like to see a tighter summary, possibly as simple as indicating that the storm underwent fluctuations in intensity and CDO coverage before initial dissipation.
- The transition between second and third paras is confusing. You leave off the dissipation phase by saying there was no convection near the LLC, leading to its exposure, but start off the next paragraph indicating there was somehow convection with the MLL instead. Thunderstorms can't occur in vertical layers, so you need to clear that up.
- I think you could probably get away with killing off the chances of development in the third paragraph. Forecasting stats aren't that important if they didn't bust horribly.
- Deep convection blossomed atop the low-level center late on September 28 - same thing as two points above. I would fix it myself, but I'm not sure how you want to deal with this.
- geostationary satellite imagery - same as above GOES comment.
- Atmospheric convection continued to deepen - it's a little late to go with such broad terminology. Again, your call how to fix it, but no need for the atmospheric bit since we've established this was an atmospheric event.
- The impact section is better in terms of writing and clarity, but it's lacking in content. The last paragraph talks about what could possibly happen but never says what did, which is extremely unsatisfying for an historical event account. I have some articles that you could use to flesh it out, but they're by archive, so I'll chat with you on IRC to work out something.
Overall, I'd say this should keep you busy for a while, but it's doable by all means. I'll even help to the extent I'm allowed (I'm sure nobody will object to pushing the boundaries in the interests of quality). On-hold for a while. Juliancolton (talk) 03:38, 20 January 2013 (UTC)