Talk:Ichigo Kurosaki/GA1
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Reviewer: Petergriffin9901 (talk · contribs) 03:42, 3 May 2014 (UTC)
- Lead
- Ichigo's character was created to replace Rukia as the lead character from the series as Kubo noted that Rukia was unsuitable to be the protagonist -> I'm a bit confused. He decided this after starting the anime and her recieving negative feedback, or while writing the series he changed courses? I'd like a bit of elaboration here.
- [5]Ichigo's
- among both fans and reviewers, and people all over the world -> I think you can do better than "people all over the world"
- Ichigo is also featured -> is often featured
- popularity, popular
- also remarked favorably -> commented
- likeness has also been released -> has been released
- Creation
- I see you elaborate more here. That's great. A little tweaking still on its wording in the lead would be appropriate
- character, character
- creating, created
- several types attributes -> ?
- of the character that were never added to the story -> not very clear
- Along with Orihime Inoue, Ichigo has the hardest face to draw for Kubo -> According to Kubo
- When making illustrations featuring Ichigo, he found one weird as it featured him with a cheerful smile. -> A bit awkwardly worded. Maybe "While illustrating one of Ichigo's scenes, Kubo found it difficult...
- greatest strength to be that he is considerate and thoughtful -> Considerate and thoughtful nature
- about him they discover that -> will
- underneath he is warm and kind hearted, which attracts them -> The girls? Needs some fixing
- He emphasized how every action Ichigo -> with every action, Ichigo
- as well as how he feels attached to the character. -> confusing
- Arrancar arc ended -> some sort of link would be nice
- Kubo tried rebooting the series which resulted -> makes it sound as if he failed?
- and Mona Marshall as a kid -> adolescent
- as a result of the character's thoughts before his actions -> awkwardly written, difficult to understand
- Bosch has liked Ichigo's character -> has enjoyed voicing Ichigo's
- The last line and a half need some tidying up
- As a fan of the series, it's definitely an interesting and clean read. I'll continue with the rest in due time. Nice work.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 10:13, 7 May 2014 (UTC)
- Thank you for your time! :) I'll give my best to solve all issues. Cheers! (Nightwolf87 (talk) 15:52, 9 May 2014 (UTC))
- Appearances
- who later was killed by Ichigo -> the sentence starts off fine and derails by this point
- Karakura High School, Town, Hollow, Soul Reaper - it all needs to be linked; especially on first mention
- One day, Ichigo's family is attacked by a Hollow, and Soul Reaper named Rukia Kuchiki gives her powers to him so he can save his family -> This whole sentence and the introduction of Rukia needs work
- For a few months, Ichigo acts as a Soul Reaper in protecting Karakura Town from Hollows -> acts in Rukia's place as the """"
- I think Soul Society should be prefaced by the. Just as the government
- Byakuya Kuchiki and Renji Abarai from Soul Society -> a better introduction would be nice. Maybe describe them ass officers or something. If a reader has never watched the show, they'll have to search link every character thus far. Best tp give some sort of introduction to the plot.
- Ichigo loses his powers in the process and trains with Kisuke Urahara to regain them. During his training, Ichigo learns -> Needs work. As a result of losing his battle to Kuchiki, he begins training with etc.
- but also indirectly gains Hollow powers then heads off to Soul Society -> total jumpy, poor prose
- Use better synonyms and prose than "fights someone"
- Ichigo defeats Ikkaku and learns that. Following Ikkaku's defeat, Ichigo learns..
- intends to fight him. -> could do way better
- Along the way, Ichigo and Ganju take Hanatarō Yamada hostage and he shows them the way to Rukia. Ichigo fights Renji for a second time and defeats him in order to continue on.[24] After the fight, Ichigo is healed by Hanatarō and then encounters Kenpachi Zaraki. Ichigo struggles to cut the captain at first but then Zangetsu helps him find his resolve and defeat Kenpachi -> whole thing needs work
- tends to Ichigo’s injuries then Ichigo goes
- Ichigo fights Byakuya with temporary help from his inner Hollow, resulting in a tie and the realization of Byakuya that what Ichigo had been truly fighting is laws of Soul Society instead of him. -> confusing, run on. Needs work
- the SS
- and then is easily defeated by the former captain. -> and is not to be used to joint sentences or different points
- Eventually, with the Hōgyoku, Aizen employs -> Using the power of the "", Aizen
- an army of Arrancars with his Espadas attacking Ichigo -> run-on, poor prose
- with the aid of the Visards that were members of the Soul Society until Aizen's actions forced them to live among humans. -> Visards; past members of "" before Aizen's etc.
- Hollow, Hollow
- Similar issues persist. Please follow this guide and perfect the rest of the article. The writing continues to be poor throughout. Also, the reception section seems to use broken and loosely adapted quotes and put into poor prose.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 02:19, 10 May 2014 (UTC)
- Hi there! :) Most issues have been solved although I think it still needs tweaking, especially in Appearance section. I removed and revamp a few minor sentence to obtain clear picture of the story. I tried to focus only on important parts from neutral point of view. Some links are updated and I added a new ones. Lead and creation sections are also revamped. Reception section is revamped but I saw in other GA fiction characters that part of the reviewers statement could be used and placed in quotation marks. Cheers! (Nightwolf87 (talk) 21:31, 19 May 2014 (UTC))
- Okay mate. I made another minor copy edit and am now left to congratulate you on the article. I'm passing it. Nice job :)--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 09:52, 22 May 2014 (UTC)
- Thank you so much mate! Thank you for your time and effort to help me to bring this article to GA status. I hope we can cooperate in the future. Thanks once again and cheers! :) (Nightwolf87 (talk) 15:38, 22 May 2014 (UTC))
- Okay mate. I made another minor copy edit and am now left to congratulate you on the article. I'm passing it. Nice job :)--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 09:52, 22 May 2014 (UTC)
- Hi there! :) Most issues have been solved although I think it still needs tweaking, especially in Appearance section. I removed and revamp a few minor sentence to obtain clear picture of the story. I tried to focus only on important parts from neutral point of view. Some links are updated and I added a new ones. Lead and creation sections are also revamped. Reception section is revamped but I saw in other GA fiction characters that part of the reviewers statement could be used and placed in quotation marks. Cheers! (Nightwolf87 (talk) 21:31, 19 May 2014 (UTC))
- "Ichigo fights Byakuya with temporary help from his inner Hollow, resulting in a tie and the realization of Byakuya that what Ichigo had been truly fighting is laws of Soul Society instead of him. -> confusing, run on. Needs work"
No confusion I think. If you go back to that episode, it's clearly a tie that Byakuya is standing still when having conversation with fallen Ichigo who uses up all his energy. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 58.176.234.103 (talk) 02:49, 24 October 2014 (UTC)