Talk:Japanese cruiser Yūbari/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: CaptainEek (talk · contribs) 22:18, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Review by CaptainEek

Hiya Sturmvogel, nicely done! Mostly nitpicks here.

"hull weights while strengthening it" reads a bit odd. I'd suggest instead "hull's weight while strengthening it" so that it is more clear what the it is.
"Completed in 1923" needs a comma after it
"she crippled an American heavy cruiser and a destroyer." which ones?
- Remember that the lead is a summary of the article, with details left for the main body
Specify the sub that sank her in the lead
"The funnel was raised by 2 meters (6 ft 7 in) to reduce the amount of exhaust gases reaching the bridge and fire-control director at high speed in 1924." I'd clarify that it was raised to further reduce the amount of exhaust gases, since you already mention the funnel design earlier on. I would also move the "in 1924" closer to the start of the sentence, either "was raised in 1924", or just start the sentence with it.
Not to toot my own articles, but I'd wikilink ship's armor to naval armour
At the end of the first paragraph of the protection section, you say Sendais, but the s isn't italicized. That looks...weird. I'd either italicize it, or just say the Sendai class again. Alternatively, you could change the wording to allow the use of a possessive and thus an apostrophe which would be better visually.
"under the command Captain" under the command of
In the construction section, you again mention the funnel raising. Its getting repetitive. I'd either acknowledge that you've mentioned it before, or just leave it for the earlier sections.
"after the rioting had begun that prefaced the" I'm not so sure that I would mention the rioting here, because without further context it makes it seem like the Japanese engagement was justified, when it fact it was an astroturfing move by the Japanese. I thinking noting that it responded to the Shanghai incident would be sufficient.
"The squadron make a training cruise" made, not make
I could be wrong here, but shouldn't "She was reduced to reserves" be the reserves?
- Or just plain reserve, which is what it should be been
Any sort of picture in construction or career would be nice, even if not directly of her. Perhaps a photo of the Sasebo arsenal where she was laid down, or of the ships she crippled at Savo Island. A photo the Bluegill might also be good, as the ship that sunk her.
- All of the decent photos of Bluegill are from the 1950s after she had been received the Guppy modifications
"at position 05°20′N 132°16′E" I would try to also put that into some more specific context, such as "off Dongosaru island," as Palau is a pretty wide range of sea.
- Plotting the location, it's a long way away from any piece of land, like at least 60 miles.
Cite 6 should be pp, not just p
- Somebody else already fixed that
"two twin-gun mounts for 25 mm weapons." needs convert template
- converted earlier in the modification section
Draft in infobox, could there be a wikilink for "deep load"? I admit to not being familiar with the term
- Done
Complement in infobox: any breakdown on how many enlisted vs. officers?
- Not that I can find

That's all I can see, fix those up and it should be good to go! Now to go play a couple of games of World of Warships in the Yubari :P CaptainEek ^{Edits Ho Cap'n!}⚓ 22:18, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the time for your thorough review. See if my changes are satisfactory.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 11:26, 12 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Sturmvogel 66 Works for me, that's a pass. Glad you found another pic of the Yubari itself. Keep up the good work! CaptainEek ^{Edits Ho Cap'n!}⚓ 19:31, 12 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]