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Talk:Joachim Müncheberg/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Anotherclown (talk · contribs) 22:08, 22 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]


Progression

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  • Version of the article when originally reviewed: [1]
  • Version of the article when review was closed: [2]

Technical review

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  • Citations: The Citation Check tool reveals no issues with reference consolidation (no action req'd).
  • Disambiguations: no dab links [3] (no action req'd)
  • Linkrot: no dead links [4] (no action req'd)
  • Alt text: images lack alt text so you might consider adding it [5] (not a GA requirement, suggestion only).
  • Copyright violations: The Earwig Tool reveals no issues with copyright violations or close paraphrasing [6] (no action req'd).
  • Duplicate links: a few repeat links to be removed:

Criteria

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  • It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
    • "The majority of his victories were claimed over the Western front...", "Western front" → "Western Front" as its a proper noun.
    • Prose here: "Of his 102 aerial victories achieved over the Western Allies are 46 Supermarine Spitfire fighters." Consider rewording: "Of his 102 aerial victories achieved over the Western Allies, 46 were Supermarine Spitfire fighters."
    • "...following his 20th aerial victory in total...", "in total" seems redundant and could be deleted to tighten the sentence.
    • tense seems a little off here: "his score now at 103 aerial victories...", specifically "now" should probably be "then".
    • This sentence seems a bit over worded: "He was killed in action in a mid-air collision following combat with his opponent on 23 March 1943 near Meknassy, Tunisia." Suggest simplifying, consider: "He was killed in action in a mid-air collision during combat near Meknassy, Tunisia on 23 March 1943."
    • "Today it is Darskowo in the administrative district of Gmina Złocieniec, within Drawsko County, Poland." This seems like information that should probably be put into a note rather than being included in the paragraph itself.
    • prose is a little repetitive here: "...forced his father to sell their farm Friedrichshof in 1923. The family was forced to move..." specifically "forced to" twice in close proximity, consider rewording one.
    • "Müncheberg, who was very much talented in sports and athletics..." consider wording more economically: "Müncheberg, who was talented in sports and athletics..."
    • tense again here "...played football for the youth team of T.V. Falkenburg since the early 1930s...", consider "started playing football for the T.V. Falkenburg youth team in the early 1930s."
    • This seems a little redundant: "during the Phoney War period (October 1939 – April 1940) of the war"... specifically "of the war" could be deleted.
    • "replacing Oberleutnant Georg Beyer who was taken prisoner of war..." presumably after being shot down? Perhaps add this for clariy?
    • This sentence has issues but I actually can't quite understand your meaning: "He returned early October, the third phase of the Battle of Britain where the Luftwaffe had targeted the British airfields, had come to an end." Do you mean: "He returned early October, after the third phase of the Battle of Britain where the Luftwaffe had targeted the British airfields, had come to an end."
    • The wording here is also problematic: "... the entire Geschwader had to be moved back to Germany for resupplying of men and equipment in early 1941." Specifically "resupplying of men". Perhaps consider: "...the entire Geschwader had to be moved back to Germany to reform and re-equip in early 1941."
    • There seems to be a missing word in here: "On 4 February 1941 Müncheberg was informed by Gruppenkommandeur Schöpfel that the 7. Staffel had to relocate to Sicily in support of X. Fliegerkorps, under the command of General der Flieger (General of the Flyers) Hans Geisler, actions against the strategically important island of Malta." Should it be: "On 4 February 1941 Müncheberg was informed by Gruppenkommandeur Schöpfel that the 7. Staffel had to relocate to Sicily in support of X. Fliegerkorps, under the command of General der Flieger (General of the Flyers) Hans Geisler, for actions against the strategically important island of Malta."?
    • This is overly long: "Müncheberg surpassed 40 aerial victories on 1 May 1941. He claimed two victories on an early morning mission, thus achieving his 39th and 40th aerial victory." Consider instead: "Müncheberg surpassed 40 aerial victories on 1 May 1941 after downing two aircraft on an early morning mission."
    • This seems awkwardly worded to me: "The relatively fast successful but Pyrrhic victory made these plans obsolete." Consider something like: "The relatively fast but costly victory made these plans obsolete."
    • "...This achievement was announced on 4 June 1942 in the Wehrmacht...", should this be "Wehrmachtbericht"?
    • These two sentences can be reduced to one: "Following his 83rd aerial victory, Müncheberg was summoned to his commanding officer, Geschwaderkommodore Schöpfel. Schöpfel had to informed him of his transfer to Jagdgeschwader 51 (JG 51—51st Fighter Wing) on the Eastern Front." Consider instead: "Following his 83rd aerial victory, Müncheberg was summoned to his commanding officer, Geschwaderkommodore Schöpfel, who informed him of his transfer to Jagdgeschwader 51 (JG 51—51st Fighter Wing) on the Eastern Front."
    • This sentence seems a little problematic: The Geschwaderstab (headquarters unit), equipped with new Bf 109 G-2s, under the leadership of Müncheberg arrived on 29 October." Perhaps consider: "Under the leadership of Müncheberg, the Geschwaderstab (headquarters unit) which was equipped with new Bf 109 G-2s, arrived on 29 October."
  • It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
    • Article is well referenced with most major points cited to WP:RS.
    • No issues with OR that I could see.
  • It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
    • Most major points seem to be covered without unnecessary detail.
  • It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    a (fair representation): b (all significant views):
    • No issues I could see.
  • It is stable.
    No edit wars etc.:
    • No issues here.