Talk:Joel S. Levine/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Neopeius (talk · contribs) 14:27, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Review

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable, as shown by a source spot-check. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

Hello, @Yitzilitt:. I will be happy to review this article for GA status! --Neopeius (talk) 14:28, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Yitzilitt: You really have done an excellent job with this article! I have several copyedit suggestions, but in the main, this is great work, and I'd love to see it made into a Featured Article. :)

Copyedit suggestions:

Lede

There is some information in the Lede that isn't in the article proper. It's generally good practice to not have info solely in the lede. You can even have a Lede with no references with all of the citations in the main body of the article (that's how I like to do it; that isn't required, though).

Early Life

At the age of 13 he became interested in astronomy, after

"At the age of 13, he became interested in astronomy after"

where he earned a bachelor of science in physics with a minor in astronomy in 1964, and a M. S. in meteorology from New York University in 1967.

", and New York City University, where he earned an M.S. in meteorology."

where he wrote a research paper about the surface and atmosphere of Mars,[3] and investigated

"where he wrote a research paper about the surface and atmosphere of Mars[3] and investigated" (delete comma after Mars -- dependent clauses don't get commas before and)

In 1973, he received an M.S. in Aeronomy and Planetary Science at the University of Michigan, and earned

(delete comma after "Michigan" or add "he" after "and"

Done - Monirec Talk 16:45, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Career

In 1970, Levine was recruited by Langley Research Center Associate Director Dr. John Edward Duberg[13]

(Article no longer exists. Here's the archived version: [1] Also, reference is superfluous -- this info is in [2])

In 2019, NASA asked Levine to organize and chair a workshop on “Lunar Dust and Its Impact on Human Exploration,” which he accepted.

(I know the citation says this, but when this becomes outdated, the citation may not be readily updated. I'd change "over a period of 100 years" to "as of his induction")

and by Cambridge Scholars Publishing in a book on January 28, 2021 under the same name.

"and by Cambridge Scholars Publishing in a book on January 28, 2021, under the same name." (comma after 2021)

Done Yitz (talk) 20:31, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Work on Viking Program and other Mars missions

an ion pump which was onboard

"an onboard ion pump"

argon gas in the atmosphere of Mars, which could be very hard to pump out of the device

"could have been"

and Levine's work helped to resolve the issue before takeoff.

can you elaborate? I do not have access to either article. To that point, you might add "url-access=subscription" to references where appropriate.

Levine's work was considered crucial to the Viking Program's successful soft landings on the surface of Mars.

(I wonder if this line could be combined with ", and Levine's work helped to resolve the issue before takeoff." and Levine's work on Argon clarified here.)

NASA and the larger scientific community analyzed and digested the treasure trove of new data obtained by the Viking Orbiters and Landers. The first NASA Mars mission after Viking was the Mars Pathfinder Mission, which landed on the surface of Mars in 1997.[31] During this time in between Mars missions,

(this whole bit can be deleted)

Done Yitz (talk) 21:09, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Atmospheric and climate change research

Through laboratory experiments, they discovered that an electrical discharge equal to that of lightning can produce trace amounts of carbon monoxide and nitrous oxide in the atmosphere, which can effect the ozone layer.[39]

"Through laboratory experiments, they determined that lightning produced trace but significant amounts of carbon monoxide and nitrous oxide, both of which can affect the ozone later (the former positively and the latter negatively)."

Done Yitz (talk) 21:43, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Preservation of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and Bill of Rights

,[50] and could be a sign of unexpected moisture inside the enclosure.[51]

",[50] and that they could be a sign of unexpected moisture inside the enclosure.[51]

Levine said: "There is nearly twice as much water vapor in the atmosphere around the documents as there should be. Too much water vapor in a closed system like an encasement can cause the glass to chemically decompose, which will lead to the deterioration of the documents."[53]

(Not sure that the quote is necessary. Incorporate the additional information into the prior sentence?)

Done Yitz (talk) 21:09, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Role in rescue mission to save trapped miners

Levine was brought in as a consultant for the rescue mission due to his extensive knowledge of atmospheric gases and how they can ~~effect~~ humans

"Levine was brought in as a consultant for the rescue mission due to his extensive knowledge of atmospheric gases and how they can affect humans"

All 33 miners were saved, and were found

(delete comma)

Done Yitz (talk) 21:09, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Public education, TV programs, and diversity initiative

the atmospheric science series, and appeared in eight 1-hour lectures

(delete comma)

which became the lead article of the journal, and formed

(delete comma)

Done Yitz (talk) 21:09, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Diversity in NASA Space Program

In the early 2000s, Levine and his wife, Dr. Arlene Levine, noticed a significant lack of racial diversity within the NASA workplace. "We would look at a launch of the space shuttle or launch of a mission to Mars, and all we would see were white faces in the audience," he said. "I've been fortunate to be at a number of Mars launches, and it's very uncommon to see a non-white face at the launch facility."[65] Noticing that nothing was being done about the fact that "whenever you see a rocket launch and you see the NASA control room, you see about a hundred middle-aged white men,"

(This is nice color, but honestly, it is probably more appropriate to simply say, "In the early 2000s, Levine and his wife, Dr. Arlene Levine, began investigating what they determined to be a conspicuous lack of gender and racial diversity in the NASA space program.")

As well as reaching out to black students

"In addition to reaching out to Black students"

and personal friend Leland Melvin.[65]Hodges, Jim. "Diversity Education Work Earns NASA Langley Employees Award". www.nasa.gov. Retrieved 2021-01-19.</ref>

Looks like you've got a broken reference there.

"We now have long range commitments for NASA to explore the solar system with humans," said Levine.

(where and when did Levine say this?)

Done Yitz (talk) 21:23, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

TED talks

In November 2009, Levine gave TEDx NASA talk

"In November 2009, Levine gave a TEDx NASA talk"

Done Yitz (talk) 21:23, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

Levine is married to Ms. Arlene Spielholz, and has a daughter, Lisa.

(How about "How about, in [YEAR], Levine married Arlene Spieholtz, and they have a daughter, Lisa.)

(It is weird that Joel's personal life is Arlene's biography... I would reduce her info to a sentence or two (and make an article about her! :) ) and if there be more interesting/relevant info on HIS personal life, add that in.)

Done (more could probably be added about his personal life; but that shouldn't be strictly necessary for now, I don't think) Yitz (talk)

I've actually finished my copyedit review, but I'm still transcribing it from my google doc, and I've been summoned away from the computer. Back later today! :) --Neopeius (talk) 16:35, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Yitzilitt: Copyeedit complete. I still need to review the photos, but you can review my edits now. :) --Neopeius (talk) 17:49, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

(Okay, for the pictures, you might want to alt tag them. That's as simple as taking the existing text and putting them in an alt= portion of the image code. Otherwise, picture review is done; good job!) --Neopeius (talk) 17:58, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Done Yitz (talk) 21:23, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Yitzilitt: Excellent work all around. I can't wait to see what you work on next! --Neopeius (talk) 00:08, 13 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Now, make it an FA! - Monirec Talk 13:45, 14 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]