Talk:Kami, Perempuan/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Taylor Trescott (talk · contribs) 03:16, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

I'll give this a look. Taylor Trescott - my talk + my edits 03:16, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

  • Thanks. I will try and check daily (on a semi-wikibreak right now). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:54, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

On first pass this looks very solid, and easily will pass the GA criteria after these comments are addressed.

  • "There discussion is interrupted" Should this be "Their"?
  • "Kami, Perempuan premiered in 1943 in Jakarta." Didn't you say it opened in 1943 in the last paragraph? This seems repetetive
  • 1 April 1943 was the office's date of opening. Reworded. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:12, 14 December 2013 (UTC)
  • "Pane collected ... collection of his stage plays" Could we use a different word for the first "collected"? Maybe "included" or something along the lines of that.
  • "Another, smaller, change..." I don't think we need these commas.
  • If there was no "smaller" I would agree, but with smaller the commas indicate that smaller here does not apply to the previous change. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:12, 14 December 2013 (UTC)
  • In this article you write "Rd. Ariffien" but the actual article on him says "Rd Ariffien" without the period. Is there a correct way of writing his name?
  • Raden (which the Rd stands for) is an honorific, so writing is dependent on stylistic conventions (his article is at Rd because that's how he was generally credited in his works). Since this article is supposed to be using British English, I have cut the full stop. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:12, 14 December 2013 (UTC)

That's it, congratulations on making an interesting article on a subject that I hadn't heard of before. Seeing as how you're on an understandable wikibreak I have no problems putting this on hold for a while. Taylor Trescott - my talk + my edits 00:17, 14 December 2013 (UTC)