Talk:Kingdom of Sicily/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Prose issues
  • Parts of it are written using British English grammar and style, while other parts are written in Oxford English grammary and style. Choose one style and stick with it throughout the article. Now, if I made any corrections myself contrary to British English grammar and usage, feel free to make the appropriate corrections.
  • In the "Norman Kingdom" subsection, very first sentence – The Norman Kingdom was created in 1130 by Roger II of Sicily, who united the lands he inherited from his father Roger I of Sicily, the Duchy of Apulia and the County of Sicily, which belonged to his cousin William II, Duke of Apulia, until his death in 1127, and the other Norman vassals. → way too long of a sentence. Please try to split into at least two separate sentences.
  • The paragraph lengths in the "Norman Kingdom" subsection are sorely inconsistent; compare with the following "Hohenstaufen kingdom" subsection which is pretty consistent. The number of sentences in the paragraphs are 2 - 11 - 3 - 5 - 3. The first, third, and fifth paragraphs are way too short, and the second paragraph is way too long. Try to move some stuff around to create paragraphs of more consistent length and number of sentences.
  • In the "Hohenstaufen kingdom" subsection – In 1202, an army led by the chancellor Walter of Palearia and Dipold of Vohburg was defeated by Walter. → This sentence could probably be rewritten in structure as well as to eliminate the confusion between the two Walters.
  • Last paragraph in the "Hohenstaufen kingdom" subsection – After the Kingdom was governed by Manfred of Sicily, the illegitimate son of Frederick, who ruled the kingdom for fifteen years while other Hohenstaufen heirs were ruling various areas in Germany. However, the legitimate heir was Conrad II. → The first sentence is a fragment, while the second sentence contains a "however". Reword this section to make more sense.
  • The "Society", "Economy", and "Religion" sections' singular paragraphs are too long and should be split into two.
Verifiability issues
  • In the "Hohenstaufen kingdom" subsection, the second half of that third paragraph is completely unsourced. Please provide a reference, or alternatively, remove it.
  • The second half of the first paragraph in the "Angevin and Aragonese kingdoms" subsection (note that I combined the first two paragraphs there) is completely unsourced. Please provide a reference, or alternatively, remove it.
MoS issues
  • Words to avoid – there are some words to avoid that should be removed or changed, such as "although" and "however".
    • Good. Changed one remaining instance of "although" to "while". I'll leave the one "however" in there as it's not editorialising but rather moving the timeline. MuZemike 21:49, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Stability issues
Other things to remember
  • Redundant citations – Except for quotes, you only need one inline citation at the end of the content in which that citation is used.
  • Logical quotations – The end quotation mark precedes the end-punctuation unless that quotation is a sentence in itself.
  • No images directly under L3 headings – the software doesn't like it when images are placed directly under a L3 heading.
  • End punctuation in captions – remember, per WP:CAPTION, if the caption is a sentence fragment, then no end punctuation is to be used. If it is a complete sentence, then end punctuation must be used.
  • Non-breaking spaces in separable figures – per WP:MOSNUM, you need non-breaking spaces between the number and the measurement, such as "2.5 million"
  • Non-breaking spaces with rulers – also per MOSNUM, you need non-breaking spaces between the last name of a ruler and the Roman numeral.
  • lead/led – You're using both words for the same thing. I believe it's "led" when used as "... which led to ..."
  • No forced resizing in thumbnails – per WP:MOSIMAGE, unless there is a specific reason to resize an image, don't do it. This disallows default resizing of thumbs under "my preferences", limiting usability.
Conclusions

On hold pending further improvements noted above (except the "other things to remember" obviously; that is only for future reference). MuZemike 23:33, 31 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed prose, mos, and verifiability issues. Hopefully John Kenney will be online in order to resolve the issue about the confuse the current lead may create according to his concerns. --Alarichus (talk) 16:14, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Passed MuZemike 21:54, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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