Talk:Komm, gib mir deine Hand / Sie liebt dich/GA1
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:54, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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Oldest songs GAN that is eligible for review, so appropriate for me to take this on! --K. Peake 06:54, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
Infobox and lead
[edit]- WP:OVERLINK of West Germany under A-side in the infobox
- Remove only before "Hand" and "dich"
- The release info should come directly after the liberties sentence, plus move the German language versions info to being part of the opening sentence instead
- The release sentence should begin with "The German versions were released..." then following the rest, plus add the US info here instead
- Done. I began the sentence as "Odeon Records released the German version..." to avoid passive voicing. Let me know if this looks O.K. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- The commercial performance info is out of order; this should be directly after the recording info of the third para for both countries
- Remove introductions on Odeon Records, George Martin and Brian Epstein because them being introduced in the body is sufficient
- "the German market the Beatles" → "the German market, the Beatles" to fix the sentence flow
- Remove pipe on UK, plus shouldn't this be the United Kingdom since you wrote the United States?
- Done and done. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "For "Komm, gib mir deine Hand" they" → "For "Komm, gib mir deine Hand", they"
- "Their subsequent practice" → "The band's subsequent practice"
- Remove wikilink on English Language
- Remove wikilink on Europe
Background
[edit]- Retitle to Background and development
- Remove wikilink on the Beatles
- Pipe Olympia Theatre to Olympia (Paris)
- "On 25 January," → "On 25 January 1964,"
- "number one in America" → "number one in the United States"
- Merge the second para with the above one per the short length
- "conceived of the Beatles" → "conceived the Beatles"
- "in West Germany they" → "in West Germany, the band"
- Remove pipe on B-side
- "John Winn translates" → "John C. Winn translates" per the source
- Wikilink Lennon–McCartney
- Pipe chorus to Refrain
- "says that "The German rewrite" → "says, "The German rewrite"
Recording
[edit]- "The tape travelled with Martin and Smith" → "The tape was brought by Martin and Smith during their travels"
- Merge the second para with the above one per my earlier comment
- [8] should solely be after the last proper sentence of the new para because it is the sole ref
- Pipe china pot to Porcelain
- "and the group's only outside the UK." → "and the band's only one outside of the United Kingdom." per my earlier comment
- Merge the fourth para with the above one
- Img looks good apart from the missing full-stop, but it is fine to have this be at the start of the merged para
- Done and added full-stop. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "was the first song recorded" specify what this means, i.e it being the first song of the two or something else
- Now, "was the first of three songs recorded that day." Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "Martin produced, supported" → "Martin produced it, being supported"
- Pipe mixed to Audio mixing (recorded music)
- "from four- to" is the dash supposed to be here? If so and it's a different format of the one at the end of the sentence, change to four-track
- Changed to four-track. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "as well as Harrison's" → "as well as George Harrison's" with the wikilink
- "Lennon's rhythm guitar" → "John Lennon's rhythm guitar" with the wikilink
- "on "She Loves You" he" → "on "She Loves You", he"
- Merge the penultimate para with the above one, especially in the context of the two days later part
- "on 31 January." → "on 31 January 1964."
- "record four takes" either add "of" or "for" after this, depending on which the source mentions
- now, "to record four takes of 'Can't Buy Me Love'". Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "the joined edit of" → "the combined edit of"
- "On 12 March," → "Two days after the initial mix,"
- "and the US." → "and the United States." per MOS:US
- Pipe register to Register (music)
Release
[edit]- Retitle to Release and impact
- Quote box looks good!
- "in West Germany" → "across West Germany"
- Remove obvious wikilink on Australia
- "in June 1964," → "during June 1964,"
- Merge the second para with the above one per my earlier comment
- Shouldn't you write record label instead of label?
- "to that song." → "to the song."
- "They released "Sie liebt dich" b/w "I'll Get You" in America" → "Swan released "Sie liebt dich" b/w "I'll Get You" in the US"
- "on the North American album" → "on the Beatles' North American album"
- "for new Beatle material." → "for new Beatles material."
- Move the part about them never recording foreign versions again to the end of the section, as this specifically deals with impact
- Is the ellipsis in Martin's quote part of the original or is it added in; if the latter, surround by [] to make this clear
- It is not part of the original. Added square brackets. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- Remove wikilink on English language
- Pipe Rarities to Rarities (1978 The Beatles album) per MOS:LINK2SECT
- "this release eliminates a" → "the release eliminates a"
- Remove "the album" intro to Something New since this is already known
- "It remained unavailable" → "The song remained unavailable"
- Pipe Rarities to Rarities (1980 Beatles album)
- "on the 1988 compilation" → "for the 1988 compilation"
- Is the word "respectively" needed at the end of the sentence when there is no difference indicated for the releases other than the titles?
- Unneeded and removed. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- Pipe Second World War to World War II
Personnel
[edit]- Shouldn't this be titled credits and personnel?
- I have only seen "Personnel" as a section title on Beatles articles. For example, FAs Something, Hey Jude, The Long and Winding Road
- Use
{{spaced ndash}}
so there is the right space between credits and personnel
Charts
[edit]- Remove the sub section because that is redundant when all positions are weekly; mention in the table captions that they are for weekly chart performance of the songs
References
[edit]- Retitle to Notes and references
- Copyvio score looks great at 17.4%!!!
Notes
[edit]- John Winn says → John C. Winn says
- Remove wikilink on India
- Remove pipes on George Harrison and John Lennon as well as the added surnames using [], as the full names were used before this quote
Citations
[edit]- Cite ThoughtCo as publisher instead for ref 16 and pipe to Dotdash, plus add an archive URL
Sources
[edit]- WP:OVERLINK of The Beatles on the second source
- Wikilink Three Rivers Press on its first source
- Wikilink Cambridge University Press on its first source
- Pipe Dorling Kindersley to DK (publisher)
- Wikilink Chicago Review Press
- Pipe Omnibus to Omnibus Press
- Wikilink University of Michigan and Three Rivers Press
- Pipe Greenwood to Greenwood Publishing Group
Final comments and verdict
[edit]- On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but feel free to reach out if you have any questions! --K. Peake 10:50, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- Thanks for the taking the time to go through this so thoroughly. I only have one FA under my belt and its in something completely different, so I appreciate your help here. I have gone through and made most of the changes you suggested. See my comments above. Cheers. Tkbrett (✉) 13:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- Tkbrett ✓ Pass now, you did misunderstand my comment about the chart table so I fixed that for you and I also edited the lead after the last para stood out as too short. --K. Peake 18:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)