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Talk:Landing at Kip's Bay/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Auntieruth55 (talk) 17:12, 26 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]


review

[edit]

This article is being reviewed for good article status. This is how the article, as of January 26, 2010, compares against the six good article criteria:

1. Well written?: nicely written overall. Has a few prose issues.
2. Factually accurate?: Yes.
3. Coverage: Sufficiently Broad? Needs more contextualization. Background begins with British landing at Kips' bay, but doesn't establish the conflict in time and place very well. Sufficiently focused? Generally, yes.
4. Neutral point of view?: yes
5. Article stability? yes
6. Images?: yes

I'll be reviewing the article in greater depth over the next two days, and will post my suggestions here. Auntieruth55 (talk) 17:17, 26 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose and structure
* is it a maneuver or a battle? If it is a maneuver, can it be a decisive British victory? Or was it a rout!
* Be careful of splitting your sentence subject too far from the sentence's verb. General Howe, on such and such a date, after doing such and such else, with so and so, moved his forces into a position to a..... that sort of thing.
Sufficiently broad/sufficiently focused
* This is well focused, but needs more context for the average reader. You've assumed any reader will understand the context of the American Revolution/Colonial Rebellion, and probably this could be explained, if only briefly (1-2 paragraphs).
  • Comment The assumption is that readers wanting more detailed context (beyond "this is where we are in the war now") will read the hatnoted main article). But I can expand the background a bit. Magic♪piano 14:20, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
* importance of summer enlistment needs to be explained.
* What exactly is a landing.... you refer to it as a maneuver, but isn't it also an established place? Were there docks, or a gentle slope into the water? Why was it a critical point? Why was it guarded?
  • Comment "Landing" in the title refers to an action. It wasn't a critical point, but GW posted troops all along the shore because he didn't know where the British were landing. (I think all this is said in the article; is the sequence confusing?) Magic♪piano 15:25, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
* You refer later to the Howe brothers, but don't establish that they were actually brothers, which should happen when you mention the Admiral.
* A geographical subsection (or locale) would be useful to explain the nature of the terrain. Kip's Landing is approximately on present-day 34th Street (Frank E. Grizzard, p. 167), half way up the island; that the east river runs north and south, perhaps; that the Island we now know as Manhattan lies between it and the parallel Hudson. To the south of Kips land is a moderate height of.... The river is such and such wide. The CT militia were facing into the sun (or not).
* Better explanation of Putnam's isolation on the tip of the island and the potential consequences if he is stranded there. How large a force did he have? Was it militia or Continental Army troops? How big was the entire force, and what was his proportion? If he had been stranded there, what would that have meant to Washington's overall army, size, morale, and abilities?
  • The troop size of Putnam's force was already covered. I added composition and relative size (as portion of entire army). I have not seen any citable commentary on the consequences of their capture; but it was about 1/3 of GW's army. Magic♪piano 22:54, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
* If Washington's army had significant defenses on Long Island, what happened? Did the resistance crumble there as well?
Images
* Kip's Bay needs author information.
* I added publisher info on the old map.

I'll give more feedback tomorrow, or after you've made some context adjustments. Nice work so far!

Thanks for your feedback; I'll get on it soon. (Not to take too much credit for myself, others did much of the work to get it where it is -- I just decided to put it through GA.) Magic♪piano 00:29, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
no prob. drop me a nudge when you want me to look again. Auntieruth55 (talk) 00:59, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Hmm, I think that covers it. Anything else? Magic♪piano 22:54, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Much improved. I've made a few tweaks, etc. Hope you don't mind. It passes at this point. You might move the map to the geography section, and add a pic of General Greene, or the Connecticut militia or something. Nice job. If you decide to take it further, you'll need more on the revolution generally, and the pre and post Kips Landing specifically. Auntieruth55 (talk) 23:48, 27 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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