Talk:MTV Unplugged (Thirty Seconds to Mars EP)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Prism (talk · contribs) 11:07, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Prose and miscellaneous issues

Lead section

• "features" → "includes"

Why? I think the first is more appropriate.

• "May 13, 2011" → "May 13 of that year"

Done.

• "The show's purpose was to present name artists, and feature them unplugged or stripped of studio equipment" (remove "unplugged or, change tense to present (MTV Unplugged still exists)

Done.

• "While live, the show allowed several musicians and back-up vocalists, while recorded in an acoustic setting." (this sentence gives undue weight to what is MTV Unplugged. Write a sentence about how 30 Seconds' episode was recorded, not a generic definition.

Done.

• Link studio album.

Isn't it a form of overlinking?

• "experienced success in several international markets" (not really... maybe peaked within the top 40 of x countries, and maybe mention the success in Portugal)

Fixed.

Recording

• "Vitamin String Quartet" (second mention) → "the former/first group"

Done.

• "their strong collaboration" (how did the fans collaborate?)

They provided background vocals. It is explained in the previous sentence.

• "as varied as" → "as" (as varied as is a bit redundant... the basic music reader should be able to know Cyndi Lauper and Eminem are night and day)

Yes, of course, but what about someone who knows nothing about those artists?

• "decided upon" → "decided on"

Done.

• "love, lust and Mars" (Mars?... as in, the planet? It may be overlinking but to make it clear -- in case it is the planet -- link it.) This is also not supported by any reference...?

Removed, trivial content.

Release

• "five tracks, with the first being "Hurricane", followed by "Kings and Queens", "Closer to the Edge", "Night of the Hunter" and "Where the Streets Have No Name" (repetition of what's stated in Recording; just say that for the episode the recording was shortened to not include "Alibi" and "Message in a Bottle", something like that.)

Done.

• "opportunity to interact with others" (how?)

Fixed.

• The repetition of FN3 in this paragraph is overciting.

Fixed.

• This paragraph is almost all copied from the MTV Press source. Paraphrase it. A lot.

The paragraph is not copied from its source. However, I've reworded it a bit.

• "the deadline" → "the deadline for release"

Done.

• "exclusive footage" of what?

Of the performance. Fixed.

• The repetition of FN8 in this paragraph is also overciting.

Fixed.

Critical reception

• The repetition of FN10 is also overciting (twice in Critical reception)

Fixed.

• "Many critics"? It was only Alternative Addiction's critic that blamed the record label for not including the songs. Maybe: "Jones also criticized the exclusion of [song titles]".

Fixed.

Charts

• "Portugal Singles" → "Portugal Albums"

The EP charted on the national singles chart.

References

• Billboard, Blitz, references should omit Prometheus Global Media (per this)

Fixed.

• The Late Show reference is unreliable (blog)

It's the official site of The Late Show's Gospel Choir.

Links

• Checklinks denotes a redirect issue with an MTV link.

Fixed.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.