Talk:Mohammad Shah Qajar/GA2

GA Review

Passed. Matarisvan (talk) 10:22, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Amir Ghandi (talk · contribs) 18:00, 9 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Matarisvan (talk · contribs) 07:10, 29 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Amir Ghandi, I will be reviewing this one. This will be my first GA review so please excuse any mistakes I may make. As I see it, on my first read through, the article is comprehensive and the sourcing is good. However, the copy editing issues identified by AirshipJungleman29 in the previous GA review are still present. I can note these down here and I will fix the small ones myself, if that is ok with you. In the last review you said you didn't have the time to do the copyediting, so please let me know if that is still the case now, and I will do all the edits myself since I believe the article is too important and comprehensive to be failed for a few pending copy edits.

Also, I am amazed that this article had been nominated on 9 April but hasn't been reviewed so far. I will try to wrap this one up quickly if you're up for that pace. Matarisvan (talk) 07:10, 29 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, @Matarisvan. I will be able to copy edit the article. Amir Ghandi (talk) 08:55, 29 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Amir Ghandi, my suggestions:

Prose review

"Ottoman governor of Baghdad": Link Baghdad to Baghdad Eyalet?
In the infobox, clarify that the Fatima Masumeh Shrine is in Qom?
"buried in Fatima Masumeh Shrine": "buried at the Fatima Masumeh Shrine" might be better grammatically, consider changing in both the lead and body.
"in 1795, while Agha Mohammad Khan": "when" might be better instead of "while".
Link "Russian army" on first mention to "Imperial Russian Army"?
"(then called Baba Khan)": seems irrelevant here, would be better placed in the Fath-Ali Shah article.
"and overshadowed Iranian pride": seems unnecessary and unclear, consider removing?
Link to Tabriz in the Childhood subsection?
Link to Mashhad in the Early military career subsection?
Link to Kerman on first mention instead of second?
- All done
Link John McNeill to John McNeill (diplomat)?
- I have already linked it
Add the inflation template for Shafti's 2.5 million francs?
- Done
Link Safavid to Safavid Empire?
- done
Link blasphemy to Blasphemy in Islam?
- done

I did the little copy edits myself. Completed upto the Second Treaty of Erzurum section, will resume from there tomorrow. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 15:48, 29 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Amir Ghandi, my last set of comments on the prose:

"Khorramshahr, Zohab and Sulaymaniyah": Do we know which Zohab this is? The one in Chenaran, Hormazgan, North Khorasan or South Khorasan? If we do, consider linking?
- Its actually none of those, the name refers to Sarpol-e Zahab
"£1 million as compensation": add the inflation template?
- Done
"torn to pieces": consider replacing with "killed"?
- Done
(In the same letters, he expressed his concerns for the shah's health).: Seems irrelevant, consider removing?
- Done
"was successful in obtaining a fatwa": do we know who issued this fatwa? If so, consider adding?
- Had to change this because of my own misunderstanding.
"given to him by his Jewish doctor, who was assigned to Mohammad when Aqasi dismissed the British and French doctors. The Jewish doctor's": I would suggest removing the word Jewish in both instances and also removing the bit about Aqasi dismissing the British and French doctors. Though it may be a fact that the doctor was Jewish, mentioning this might be considered antisemitic and promoting the article with this bit in it might land me in trouble.
- I rewrote the sentence. Thoughts?
  - Amir Ghandi, looks good, will resume the review tomorrow. Meanwhile, check out the comments below?
"Akhbar-i Vaqa-a": Translate?
"Russian navy": Link to Imperial Russian Navy?
"These events led to Nicholas I exchanging letters with Mohammad. In a diplomatic sense, Mohammad had allowed the Russian navy to anchor in Anzali.": How did he allow the Russians to anchor? Did the letter exchanges allow these? If so, clarify?
Link Gilan?
- Done
Link to Kashan on first mention?
- Done
Abdol-samad Mirza's mother is noted as Ogholbeigeh Khanum, a Turkmen lady. We have not listed her here, why? Also, that would increase the number of known wives from three to four.
- I couldn't find any source supporting this.
  - Would this link [1] be ok as a source? Also, this webpage cites the Tarikh-e Azodi. Eskandari-Qajar published a translation in 2014, perhaps check there?
    - Would using a primary source be alright? Amir Ghandi (talk) 10:18, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Matarisvan (talk) 18:36, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

- - - - Amir Ghandi, I think the translated version of the Tarikh-e Azodi would be alright, since it is a critical edition. Matarisvan (talk) 10:39, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        @Matarisvan I surveyed through the book and unfortunately found nothing. Amir Ghandi (talk) 21:35, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        @Amir Ghandi, would this link https://www.royalark.net/Persia/qajar21.htm be ok? I think it would be. Also, any progress on coverting the Encyclopædia Iranica sources to EI Online? After that I would be able to do the spot checks and conclude this review. Matarisvan (talk) 06:35, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        I'll get to them today. Also tried to add the source but an automated filter detected the source as unreliable. Amir Ghandi (talk) 06:48, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        @Amir Ghandi, one last thing on the prose review: is the Count Medem we refer to here Pavel Medem? If yes, add a link? Matarisvan (talk) 13:59, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        @Matarisvan Yep, done. Amir Ghandi (talk) 14:09, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        Ok, the prose review is a pass, now we have to work through just the image review and spot checks. Matarisvan (talk) 14:13, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Though not a GA requirement, consider adding alts for the images. I think you want to take the article to FA and alts are necessary there per MOS. Matarisvan (talk) 15:48, 29 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Amir Ghandi,
- I've modified the alts a little bit, please confirm if these are ok.
- Also, you should change the authors of images number 3 to 6. The auction houses (Sotheby's, Bonham's and Christies) are not the authors, and they don't ever release copyright. If authors are known, add their names, if not, add unknown author like you've done for the other images.
Matarisvan (talk) 15:34, 15 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Matarisvan Done Amir Ghandi (talk) Amir Ghandi (talk) 15:12, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Source review

There are 7 refs which still use harvnb, consider converting these to sfn like all the other refs?
Refs #6, #9, #32, #72, #106, #107, #127, #148, #149: page numbers needed.
- These citations are all from Encyclopedia Iranica, which is available online. The encyclopedia has its own unique template, which requires the page numbers. That is why the page numbers are mentioned.
  - Amir Ghandi, let me illustrate this with an example. Ref #6 cites Perry 1984 to support the fact that Agha Mohammad was assassinated in 1797 in Shusha. Now this source is 4 pages long, and I'm sure that this particular detail is mentioned on only 1 page and not all 4. I asked that page numbers be added for Encyclopædia Iranica sources which were longer than 2 pages, and not for those shorter than this.
    - Unfortunately, other than purchasing the physical encyclopedia, there's no way for me to check on the pages. Would it be better if I replace these templates with Template:Encyclopædia Iranica Online? Amir Ghandi (talk) 10:18, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
      - Amir Ghandi, I think you should indeed convert those refs to EI Online. Matarisvan (talk) 10:39, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        @Matarisvan Done Amir Ghandi (talk) 10:16, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Ref #149: perhaps we meant Amanat 1997 or 1998 and not Amanat 1999? If so, correct the year?
- Actually, it was Amanat 1993. Corrected.
Andreeva 2010 should be listed after all the Amanat sources. Abol-Hosseini 2007 should be first, followed by Ahanagaran 2013, then Algar 2020, then Amanat and Andreeva.
The Abbas Amanat sources will have to be put in chronological order.
Bournoutian 2015 should be just before Busse 1982 and not before Başkan 2014.
Daftary 2007 should be after Calmard 2004. Green 2020 should be after Ghadimi Gheydari 2010.
Calmard 2004 should be before Clawson & Rubin 2005 in the order. Ditto for Ebrahmi 2008 & Ebrahimnejad 2013 before Edrisi 2014, Eskandari-Qajar 2005 before Eslami 1999, Farzaneh 2015 before Floor 2012, Lambton 2012 before Lee 1996.
Nategh 2014 needs a translated title and language parameter. Also the link to Paris should be removed.
In Navā'ī 1988, the title should not be in all capitals, but in sentence case. Navā'ī 1988 should also be listed after Nategh 2014, and Nelson 1986 after it.
- All done
Location of publication needed for Rypka 1968, Scharbrodt 2008, van den Bos 2021. Also, the link to Jan Rypka should be removed, otherwise you will have to link to all the other authors.
- Done
Will do spot checks soon. Matarisvan (talk) 18:36, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Amir Ghandi, please respond to point 2 in the image review above, meanwhile I will be doing the spot checks now. I will be checking 10% of the 161 refs here, so a total of 16 refs. Please consider setting the URL access levels of all noo.rs and sid.ir sources to either registration or subscription.
1. Ref #3: ok.
2. Ref #28: it says Khosrow was imprisoned in Hamadan and does not mention Ardabil at all.
- Fixed
1. Ref #38: The source, Piri 2001, is a dead link. You should consider running the Internet Archive bot on the page once, I could also do it for you.
- It's not a dead link for me
1. Ref #37: Ok.
2. Ref #43: I could not check it properly but the abstract mentions that he was treated by Ernest Cloquet. Why have we not mentioned this here?
- Ref 43 is Daftary 2007, the Ismailis. I have the book and I am looking through it right now and it does not mention that name at all
1. The page range we have given for Ahangaran 2013 is 11-39, but when citing this source in refs no. 47, 48 and 55, we cite pages 133, 134 and 135, which are way outside of the set page range.
- My mistake, fixed
1. Ref #49: Does not seem to support the first two citations, namely "Article 11 of the Turkmenchay Treaty..." and "reunite Persian-speaking tribes ...". Does support the later 3 citations.
- Well, I'm shocked. I corrected it now. The original text was translated from the Persian version, I guess I failed to factcheck it
I have only done half of the spot checks I intended to do, because these early results are not very good. Please respond to these and the second point of the image review, only after you do so will I be able to resume the spot checks. Matarisvan (talk) 14:58, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Amir Ghandi, these changes are good, and they resolve the original issues I had raised.
I did not mean ref #43, I meant ref #42, Lambton 2012. It mentions that MSQ was indeed treated by Ernest Cloquet, so I think you should add that.

As for ref #38, Piri 2001, it seems to be 401 forbidden now, but web.archive.org does have a copy. I ran the Internet Archive Bot on the page and you won't have to.

You haven't yet set the URL access levels of the noo.rs and sid.ir sources to registration/subscription. You should do asap.
- Done
Continuing the source review, ref #68: ok.

Ref #98: ok.

Ref #122: Does not mention MSQ confiscating the lands of Hossein Ali Mirza, and also says that under Fath-Ali Shah 1/8th of lands in Fars and Persian Iraq were in royal ownership. So this ref doesn't support the second sentence from "confiscated the properties of Aqasi" onwards. Does confirm the "Raqabat-e Mohammadshahi" sentence.
- - Fixed
Ref #132: "To counter these problems, Mohammad Shah put forth a three-staged plan in which he would centralize the command, create arsenals, and recover from the losses suffered in the wars with Russia. He consolidated power with himself and Aqasi to centralize the military." These two sentences are all on page 58, and it says the three-phase plan was put forward by Aqasi, not MSQ. And in this sentence, "To create arsenals, he established the Tehran foundry", "he" should be Awasi, not MSQ.
- - Done
Ref #134: ok, but the source doesn't say Colombari was sent to Iran, rather he went himself.
- - Amended
Ref #143: ok.

Ref #150: half ok. Ezzat married not 4 but 5 times. Namely to Taqi Khan, Kazem Khan, Ayna al Mulk, Yahya Khan and Nasrallah Khan.
- - Amended
The publisher of Mojtahed-Zadeh 2006 is Universal Press, not Boca Raton.
- - Amended
Matarisvan (talk) 15:54, 20 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Amir Ghandi, to confirm text to source integrity, I will have to check all the Encyclopedia Iranica sources I haven't checked yet, including Calmard 2004.
Ref #15:
Citation 1: does not mention Galin Khanum anywhere, but ok on all other counts. Will need another source.
Done

Citation 2: Does not say he was summoned from Tabriz, but does say he was summoned to Tehran.
Fixed

Citation 3: ok.

Citation 4 and 5: ok.

Citation 6: ok.

Citation 7: ok.

Citation 8 and 9: ok.

Citation 10: Does not say anywhere that Ghahreman Mirza was in close contact with the Russians; and also says Bahman Mirza was made governor of Azerbaijan in 1842, not 1839 like we have said. Ok on all the other counts.
From the source: "The acting governorship of Azerbaijan was entrusted to the Russian-backed Qahramān Mirzā (shah’s full brother who had just established order in Khorasan)... In January 1842, Bahman Mirzā, another full brother of the king, was given Azerbaijan’s governorship"

Citation 11: ok.

Citation 12: ok.

Citation 13: mostly ok but does not mention the Fatima Masumeh Shrine by name. Will need another source.
Done

Citation 14: ok.

Citation 15: ok.

Citation 16: ok.

Citation 17: ok.

Citation 18: ok.

Ref #29: Ok on all three counts.

Ref #30: Does not mention "hidden motive to revoke him of his lands" anywhere.
Fixed

Ref #102 and #103: Only checked Amanat 1985, ok.

The text to source integrity is looking much better now, please respond to the above points soon so that we can conclude the review in due time. Matarisvan (talk) 13:55, 1 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Matarisvan Addressed all your points. Amir Ghandi (talk) 09:39, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above issues seem to have been fully addressed by your recent edits. Text to source integrity for the publicly available sources is good. However, I have not been able to check the other sources which are not open access. With that caveat, @Amir Ghandi, I think the article can be promoted, but you will have to match your text with the sources before you go to FAC. Also, you should try to ensure the words you use are not the same as your sources, you should use synonyms so that none of your text can be considered violative of copyright. I am therefore promoting the article, but you should implement the above suggestions before you nominate the article for FAC. Matarisvan (talk) 10:18, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the thorough review, @Matarisvan. Amir Ghandi (talk) 10:19, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.