Talk:Nina Salaman/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Femkemilene (talk · contribs) 16:36, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

We're reviewing this during the UK meetup. Aiming to finish the review today.

The lede needs to be expanded. Ideally, it should be two paragraphs with a short article like this.

Sourcing: I've not been able to access all sources, but we did find many instances of sources only supporting part of the preceding text. Could you double-check offline sourcing for accuracy?

FN15 doesn't mention those countries
FN17: close paraphrasing (family had migrated to Britain from either Holland or the Rhineland in the early eighteenth century, is the same in source)
FN5 doesn't mention Montana, regaining weight, nor the specific years

FN11 still doesn't mention weight, and does not have any information on this topic at all it seems. FemkeMilene (talk) 17:59, 16 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I just fixed the link; it was directed at the article's abstract rather than the article itself. –Kyuko (talk) 18:45, 16 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

FN7 implies she went to Cambridge for attending festivals
FN7 only mentions that the oldest was taught Hebrew before english; the other children were only mentioned in the context of learning Hebrew early
FN20: page number?
FN25 doesn't support Salaman's most important work was her Selected Poems of Jehudah Halevi, the second of a series of twenty-five volumes of Jewish Classics issued by the Jewish Publication Society. The words selected poems, nor Jehudah don't occur in the source. Also doesn't mention the year 1924.
FN27 says children, not Jewish girls
FN7 doesn't mention Federation of Women Zionists.
FN28. I don't think the source mentions parashah, Vayishlach, but maybe I'm not familiar enough with the jargon to judge
FN35 doesn't mentions Ruth
FN16 doesn't mention 1901 as the year of marriage
FN19 doesn't mention "Salaman was appointed to the council of the Jewish Historical Society of England in 1918", it only mentions that she became President in 1922

FN18 link [1] is not for the source cited
FN36 doesn't mention 1913 (only that Edward died aged 9)
FN38 is dead link
FN2 says that she was born "Pauline Davis" not Paulina. It does not support fact that her "family were secular Jewish"
Place of death (Barley, Hertfordshire, England) not mentioned or sourced anywhere in article (it's in ODNB source, FN2)

Earwig check is fine. It says 38 & 37 % chance of copyright violation, but all the matched texts are names of poems or organisations

Images:

Images are appropriately licenced

Wikisource has a copy Songs of Exile/The Song of Chess

Prose:

teaching them himself each morning -> himself is redundant

Prose throughout- this is difficult to read, overlong and convoluted sentences. I many places the word order would be perfect in German (or Yiddish?) but in English stilted. For example

"There, Davis gave his daughters an intensive scholarly education in Hebrew and Jewish studies, teaching them himself each morning before breakfast from the age of four, and taking them regularly to the synagogue.[6]" In English There is the most important word- here, 'Davis gave his daughters an intensive scholarly education in Hebrew and Jewish studies,' is the main idea.

teaching them himself each morning before breakfast from the age of four in English means He, from the age four taught an early morning class. Teaching is not a reflexive verb in English..

Nina met physician Redcliffe Salaman during Shabbat services at the New West End Synagogue in July 1901

Nina met the physician Redcliffe Salaman at the New West End Synagogue in July 1901 during Shabbat services Anglicised word order.

Redcliffe was one of the twelve children of Myer Salaman, a wealthy London ostrich feather merchant. whose family had migrated to Britain from either Holland or the Rhineland in the early eighteenth century.-His family had originated in the Rhineland. Migrate is a false friend. Please check if the Netherlands is meant- am not sure Holland was a concept at that time.

FemkeMilene (talk) 17:45, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Femkemilene: Thanks for going through the article so thoroughly! I've gone ahead and made the suggested changes. A few comments:

Good catch re: her birth name. Some sources (e.g. [2]) do give it as 'Paulina,' but birth and census records confirm that it was indeed 'Pauline'.
I left two of the FN7-referenced passages (mostly) as-is, since the source notes that, "There were frequent visits to London to see family and friends, attend synagogue, appear at committee meetings, shop and spend a night at the theatre," and that, "she taught her sons to read Hebrew before she taught them to read English, beginning with the eldest, Myer, in 1906, when he was four years old".

Let me know if you notice anything else in need of a fix. –Kyuko (talk) 17:45, 15 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

It was a team effort to do the review so thoroughly.

You added a link to ancestry.com, which is generally an unreliable source. What type of document is it? I can't find it Googling. If that is either replaced or a good reason is given for its reliability, I'm happy to pass. FemkeMilene (talk) 20:10, 15 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The link was to a page from the 1914 National Probate Calendar, confirming the date of her son's death (i.e. a scan of a government document rather than user-inputted information). That said, I found a free version on gov.uk and changed the link, which is definitely better. –Kyuko (talk) 22:46, 15 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]