Talk:Ninian Edwards/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 21:09, 8 July 2010 (UTC)

Lead

• The lead needs to be expanded to better summarise the article. It probably ought to be about twice its present length.
  • I have expanded the lead but would like the revision to be reviewed. Fishal (talk) 23:31, 11 July 2010 (UTC)

Early life

• The second half of the second paragraph needs to be cited.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 05:45, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Territorial governorship

• "Only 34 years old at the time of his appointment, Ninian Edwards remains the youngest man ever to become Illinois' chief executive." Needs to be cited.

• "... Ninian Edwards remains the youngest man ever to become Illinois' chief executive." If I'm understanding this correctly, the Illinois Territory no longer exists. So why the "remains the youngest man ever", rather than "was the youngest man ever"? Is it likely that there will be a younger man in the future?
  • I have changed it to "...Ninian Edwards is the youngest man ever to govern Illinois as either a state or a territory" in order to clarify its meaning. I have cited Howard, who provides that piece of trivia, but I am not sure whether that is appropriate. Howard's book dates to 1988 and therefore excludes Edgar, Ryan, Blagojevich, and Quinn. It is a simple thing to see that all of them were older than 34 when they became governors, but I do not know if simple math falls under WP:OR. As it was, I had not cited it because it seemed to be one of those "instantly verifiable" facts. Fishal (talk) 21:18, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
    • Simple maths isn't a problem, and certainly isn't OR. Malleus Fatuorum 21:59, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

• "By awarding patronage to some, Edwards offended others, and he soon found that he and Judge Jesse B. Thomas were the leaders of rival political factions." Needs to be cited.
  • That sentence was inelegant and sounds like a defense of Edwards. It now reads: "In the early territorial years, two rival factions grew up around Edwards amd Judge Jesse B. Thomas.<ref>Buck, 193.</ref> These two factions formed Illinois' political landscape during its time as a territory and for its first several years of statehood.<ref>Howard, 24; Buck, 206.</ref>"
    • Much better I think. Malleus Fatuorum 21:59, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Democratic government

• The last half of the second paragraph needs to be cited.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 05:45, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Peoria War

• The last half of the second paragraph needs to be cited.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 05:45, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Second and third terms

• The last half of the last paragraph needs to be cited.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 05:45, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Senate career

• The last half of the third paragraph needs to be cited.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 05:45, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Adminstration

• The fourth paragraph needs to be cited.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 05:45, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Family

• The bulleted list should be converted to prose.
  • Done. Fishal (talk) 21:18, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

References

• Where you are linking to external web sites, you need to give full details, including publisher and last access date.
  • All web links include a publisher but not an access date. Which ones appear to be missing publisher information? Fishal (talk) 21:18, 9 July 2010 (UTC) All Web links have been fixed and updated. Fishal (talk) 05:08, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

This review is now on hold for up to seven days to allow time for these issues to be addressed. Malleus Fatuorum 13:37, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

• You've done a nice job with the lead. I think we can close this now, congratulations. Malleus Fatuorum 12:34, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.