Talk:Rai dynasty/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: TrangaBellam (talk · contribs) 14:30, 6 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 02:39, 4 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take this review on. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 02:39, 4 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

General comments

I'll be adding comments as I go. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 02:58, 4 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Quite a few issues already. I think the topic is interesting, and the research seems sufficient, just needs to be written in a way that meets the GA criteria, particularly 1a. I'll leave it here, and a copyedit should be performed further in the article, ensuring concision, metaphors and clarity are prioritised. I'll complete the review once this is finished, please ping me when done. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 02:58, 4 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Prose/content

The lede doesn't summarise the information in the body.
First sentence should specify that it is a claimed polity, not that it existed for sure if scholarship does not reflect this.
Gloss the Chach Nama
such attempts remain speculative and unconvincing. this needs to be in the body and sourced.
as colonial bureaucrats mined the Chachnama to justify their invasion of Khairpur by drawing from historical precedents

"mined": metaphor

"Chachnama" spell it the same way for consistency

by drawing from historical precedents unclear what this means

Not sure why the first footnote is there rather than elsewhere.
The last Sassanian mints discovered from the region—of Peroz I (r. 459–484)—a new Brahmi legend "Ranaditya Satya" appears on the reverse, which was probably the name of an eponymous local ruler/governor. wordy, more concise
Sometime soon, Sindh appears ungrammatical, vague
fallen off the orbit of idiom
The Rai dynasty's origin might have laid in this power vacuum. attribute

Suggestions

Note where Sindh corresponds to today.
reeling too colloquial for my liking
Can Hephthalite–Sasanian War of 484 be linked to Hephthalite invasions