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Review Comment
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| 1. Well-written:
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1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
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- suggest "He competed in athletics and played Australian rules football"
- suggest "Second Australian Imperial Force" throughout, as AIF is generally considered to be a reference to WWI.
- suggest providing O'Connor's full name at the beginning of the Early life section
- he was of Irish...
- suggest "He left the Labor Party in the 1950s because he thought that it was "becoming a bit communistic""
- not necessary at GA, but do we know what if any religious affiliation he had?
- Yes, I have added he was Catholic.
- ", joining the intelligence section" is very vague and I can't verify what the cited sources say (everything from the Second AIF to a single battalion had an intelligence section), and it isn't clear his service record supports that. I'm not sure I would be relying on those general sources for details of his military service. According to his service record, he was trained as an infantryman, attended the Jungle Warfare Centre at Canungra March to May 1945, departed Brisbane 5 June 1945 and disembarked Torokina on Bougainville on 10 June 1945, and was transferred to the 61st Battalion on 16 June 1945. According to the AWM website, the 61st Battalion was resting in Torokina when he arrived, and were not engaged in any fighting before the war ended in August. In September he was posted to the 26th Battalion and they sailed to Rabaul on New Britain (guarding Japanese PWs) but was off sick with dysentery, then joined the 13th Field Company (Engineers) which he was promoted to corporal in February 1946 and served with through to May when he embarked at Rabaul for Sydney.
- I've removed that he was in the intelligence section. Only one source I've found has said that. I will look at the rest of this comment tomorrow.
- I've expanded the article based on the NAA source.
- Charles Court was a logistics staff officer with II Corps on Bougainville, and did not command any unit that O'Connor was a member of, AFAIK
- O'Connor states in the 1996 interview: "Yes I first met Charles on the Hari(?) River in the south of Bougainville, and he was one that went down with General Savage to sign the peace agreement with the Japanese down in that area, so I saw him a couple of times at that particular time. He was, I suppose, my CO then and was again forty or fifty years later in Parliament." Reid & Oliver 1982 says that Court was O'Connor's commanding officer. Kennedy 2014 just says that O'Connor first met Court in Bougainville. An interview with Charles Court (pg 926, sorry massive PDF) says: "Oh, he was very diligent and very eager. I knew him, of course, because of wartime service. He came to us in Bougainville as a reinforcement soldier; a very young boy I think, nineteen." Is it erroneous to say that Court was a commanding officer of O'Connor?
- Court clearly wasn't in O'Connor's chain of command at any stage, so yes, it is wrong. He may have been supervising him as part of an ad hoc party of troops sent to supervise the Japanese surrender, but he definitely wasn't his CO.
- I've removed the CO part.
- suggest adding ", Perth" after "Forrest Place"
- suggest stating what Watson was at the time, "Liberal MLC"
- Nitpicking here, but Brand wasn't "elected Premier", he "became Premier"
- why was North Perth abolished? Redistribution or reduction in number of seats?
- Redistribution, stated in the parliament ref. Done.
- "introduced compulsory seatbelts" for passenger vehicles?
- rather than "Brand lost the 1971 state election, and so O'Connor was removed from the ministry", I suggest "the Liberals lost the 1971 state election, and O'Connor moved with the rest of the party to the opposition benches"?
- suggest "O'Connor later said that he withdrew because his marriage..." any more info on the blackmail claim?
- Not really much. The 1996 interview source is fairly vague about it and so is the Kennedy source. The interview mentions that media reports at the time did not know about the blackmail, and this was only reported on in the 1980s, which makes tracking down the media reports hard to do. (local newspapers from this time period are not digitised).
- suggest "O'Connor contested the deputy leadership ballot but lost to Des O'Neil"
- suggest "Two years later, the Liberals won the 1974 state election, and formed a coalition with the National Country Party, led by Ray McPharlin"
- "left and re-joined the Coalition"? This needs some additional explanation.
- I'll do this later.
- I've added more detail now.
More to come.
- "but the coroner ruled that witnesses' testimony" d is this meant to relate to both witnesses mentioned? If so, the wording needs tweaking.
- Reworded so that's hopefully clearer. It is only referring to the second witness.
- "The inquest ruled in 2020 that it was unable"
- "which the Liberal Party won
again"
- suggest "all lower profile ministries"
- " he was reportedly tired of O'Connor's controversies"
- suggest "then from 7 August as the minister"
- "The ministry was reconstituted
again"
- suggest "O'Connor lost his former ministries, and added fisheries and wildlife, and conservation and the environment, to those he had taken over from Grayden."
- suggest "Court if he were to down as Liberal leader"? not sure what is meant here, if he stood down? or if he lost the leadership?
- Fixed this. I meant "stood down". Court was at no risk of a leadership spill.
- suggest "O'Connor retained the labour and industry, consumer affairs, and immigration portfolios, and gained regional administration and the north-west, and tourism"
- "if they voted for him"
More to come.
- suggest "According to fellow MP Jim Clarko"
- suggest "O'Connor had promised MPs too many cabinet positions"
- not sure what "being appointed assistant ministers[51][54] before being promoted on 14 May 1982" means
- I've reworded this. Hopefully it's clearer now.
- with "That day, they voted overwhelmingly" do you mean 5 February?
- perhaps "In the Swan by-election, Gordon Hill retained the seat for Labor with a 3.6 percent swing"
- was Gary Kelly Lib or Labor? Also, the link goes to an American pollie of the same name
- say the Fraser government was the federal government
- add a sentence fragment explaining what a job bank was
- I've linked the term. I'm having problems accessing Wiley Online Library to look at the source so I can't do more than that.
- Thomson→Thompson
- suggest "By early 1984, O'Connor was encountering pressure"
- "On 10 February, Thompson" (he's already been introduced in the preceding para)
- Thomson→Thompson
- "The company received a yearly $25,000 retainer each from Connel" huh? Connell paid a retainer to a company he two-thirds owned? Odd.
- add that Lawrence was Labor
- Reworded that entire section.
- perhaps add that Labor had been in power from the 1983 state election, and that Dowding was also Labor and succeeded Burke
- Reworded that entire section.
- "secretly taped by Terry Burke"
- link Defamation in Australia
- comma after "O'Connor's bank account at the same time"
- "which made adverse findings against O'Connor"
- link overdraft
- "from the Labor Party had been convicted earlier"
- suggest "He was released on parole on 20 August 1995 after serving six months of his sentence"
- appointments in the Order of Australia are "terminated" not rescinded
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1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
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| 2. Verifiable with no original research:
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2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
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- Not needed for GA, but certainly desirable that the Bibliography has the works listed in alphabetical order of the first letter in the surname of the first author
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2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
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- Not needed for GA, but some of the ISBNs are hyphenated and some aren't. Suggest consistency is best.
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2c. it contains no original research.
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2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
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| 3. Broad in its coverage:
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3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
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- is there anything that can be said about his personal interests in terms of public policy or causes he strongly supported as a parliamentarian?
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3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
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4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
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5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
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| 6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
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6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
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- File:RayO'ConnorPremier.jpg needs two things, a valid Australian licence and a valid US one (because it is on the Commons server and that is physically located in the US). At present, it doesn't have the first, because it is not stated on the WA Govt website when the photo was taken so that it can be shown it was taken 50 years ago. It doesn't have a US licence at all. If you are struggling to find a PD image for the infobox, I suggest uploading the same image but use a non-free use rationale. See File:Radoje Pajović.jpg for an example of an acceptable NFUR.
- The old image has been deleted and a non-free use image has been uploaded.
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6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
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- Only the one image in the infobox.
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7. Overall assessment.
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Well done, this article is now easily of GA standard. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:43, 5 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
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