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Talk:Rekha: The Untold Story/GA1

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Reviewer: Yashthepunisher (talk · contribs) 09:43, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]


I will be taking this. Yashthepunisher (talk) 09:43, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead

  • The opening sentence should read like "a 2016 Indian biographical book by Yasser Usman, detailing the life of Indian film actress Rekha."
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The bit about 'from her birth to South Indian actors' in the follow-up sentence sounds odd. What does that even mean?
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "her controversial marriage" This is a pretty big claim and really non-neutral. Try to rephrase it. Something like 'publicised marriage' etc.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • who committed suicide --> who died by suicide
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "her fifty-year-long acting career journey
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rekha: The Untold Story was the second book written by Usman, after Rajesh Khanna: The Untold Story of India's First Superstar in 2014." How is this relevant here? It can be in the article body but not in the lead.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He was motivated to wrote it after the successes of his first work." 'wrote' should be 'write'. And are you sure that the success of his first book prompted him to write it and not his curiosity or interest towards Rekha?
Yes, I am. I have read the prolog of this book and several interviews of Usman, and he stated that he is not Rekha's fan and he was motivated by the success of his first book. He also said that he wrote this biography to change Rekha's bad image. --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The production faced" The word 'production' seems misfit here since it's a book and not a tv show/film. Usman must be conducting the interviews himself I guess.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mention the publisher's name in the final sentence.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Summary

  • Again, please replace 'committed suicide' to 'died by suicide.'
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It follows by her birth to South Indian actors Gemini Ganesan and Pushpavalli, whom he never married to," This is really messy. Rephrase the bit about Gemini never marrying Pushpavalli.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The book chronicles her acting career journey," 'journey' is redundant.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "including her Tamil debut" --> Tamil film debut. Also link Tamil film.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The sentence about her film debut is really long. Break it into two parts.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It then extensively examines several successful films of Rekha in Hindi cinema and her involvement in them" Repetitive information. She will off course be involved in a film she is a part of.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • National Film Award should be mentioned first since it's much more prestigious and respected than Filmfare.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second para should simply start with 'The book'.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The sentence about the failure of Silsila is stretched. Try breaking it into two parts.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "followed by her turn to photoshoot industry." What does this even mean?
Removed --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "all of which were success at the box office and won her three Filmfare Awards." Does that mean that she won a Filmfare award for each film?
Changed --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It shows several journalists' interviews of Rekha and a number of critics' and her contemporaries' opinion about her." This should be rephrased. It's a book so it can't 'show' but tell.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 11:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

More comments soon. Yashthepunisher (talk) 10:16, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Background

  • "He then works as an author, journalist and television producer in Delhi." He then works? Or he works?
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why do we have the reviews of Rajesh Khanna book in this article? There aren't relevant at all.
I will make a Wikipedia article about that book, but don't know when. So, for know, I will put the reviews in this article, but I think you are right. I will remove one of the reviews. --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After the publishing of the book, Usman continuously getting handwrite letters and e-mails from his fans." It should either be 'was continuously getting' or 'continuously received'. I notice you have some grammatical issues all over the article and its okay since you are not a native English speaker. Just a small suggestion, try submitting your article for copyediting at the WP:GOCER in the future before a GAN.
Done, and thanks for your suggestion. I am so sorry for the issues. --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The quote after the fan mail sentence is too long. Either trim it down or rephrase it.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "condemned and burnt" quote was made by a critic from Afternoon Despatch & Courier. It should be mentioned.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Development and writing

  • discussed it --> discuss it
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Usman, who also works as a television producer and journalists" --> journalist
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "has heard many news Rekha's alleged involvement with her co-stars." Again. A bit messy.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and asked what he was wrote." It should be either what he wanted to write or what he wrote.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Farzana said that she would called him again, but it never happened. --> Farzana said that she would call him again, but did not.
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He stated that it was hard to wrote" --> write
Done --Nicholas Michael Halim (talk) 13:10, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

That's it. Yashthepunisher (talk) 12:31, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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