Jump to content

Talk:Sadjarwo Djarwonagoro/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk · contribs) 16:38, 10 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Hi Jeromi Mikhael. I'll be reviewing your GA nomination. I'll have a read through and make suggestions in order to ensure it's a GA. Thanks! SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 16:38, 10 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Review

[edit]

Intro

[edit]


Early life

[edit]
  • Quite concise, but helpful. Are there any possible images of him/his family in early life that could be added?
  • I suggest removing 'He was born as the son of Djajengwirojo'. Unless there's more background surrounding this, the first name should probably be omitted.
Please elaborate? Which first name?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:17, 13 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'm referring to he was 'son of Djajengwirojo'. The reader doesn't know who that is. Also possibly remove this (his father) from the infobox, as it is not notable.
I also suggest removing 'Mr' in the heading, as well as 'he was born into an aristocratic family'. This doesn't seem to have been mention.

Career

[edit]
  • Possibly rename to 'early activism'?

During the Indonesian National Revolution

[edit]
  • It would be great if there was more info on this. Could there be some detail on what the Indonesian National Revolution was?
  • It also talks about 'after his resignation' here, but nothing about his resignation before. It may be worth adding that into the prior section.

Family

[edit]
  • It may be worth rewording this section. It doesn't come out completely right.

Images

[edit]
  • These are good overall. Are there any more images of him in action?

Citation

[edit]
  • I think some more sources are needed too. There are some uncited statements. It would be worth checking through this.

Overall

[edit]
  • There's quite a lot of stuff to do here, currently the article wouldn't be a GA. If we can get the above done, the article should be at GA, or at least very near! Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 13:45, 12 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
    • Another thing to note is that it might be best to remove the current prefix. I think his initials have been put in the place of prefix.
@SerAntoniDeMiloni: Elaborate? What prefix/initials?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:13, 13 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Mr. KPH
@SerAntoniDeMiloni: Mr. = meester in de rechten; KPH = Kanjeng Pangeran Haryo (nobility title)--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 05:37, 14 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
There are also some sentences that don't work perfectly in English. I suggest you re-read the article to find these; If you can't, either go to an English WikiProject or I can try helping with some. SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 08:47, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hold

[edit]

Hi Jeromi Mikhael. I'll put this on hold while you respond to all the above comments. Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 08:47, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: I've done some of them, can you review it?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 09:05, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Jeromi Mikhael: It's come a long way, but would currently be a fail. There should likely be a larger variety of references for the page; they don't need to include reference to him, but should reference the event. There are also some problems with the wording of certain sentences. I'll try and have a look through them to correct. The above should be done to comply with the GA Instruction. Thanks, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 09:48, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The article at the moment needs copy editing for English. You could try speaking to someone at WP:GOCE?

Fail

[edit]
  • Unfortunately I'm going to have to fail this one. I haven't heard back over the 7 day hold period. There are also some significant changes that have to be made in terms of the citations and wording. I suggest you focus on what has been said above, possibly try a peer-review and then resubmit. Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 11:41, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Assessment

[edit]
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail: