Talk:Sidney Crosby/GA1

GA Review

GA review (see here for criteria)

This is a nice piece of work, but it still has some shortcomings with respect to the good article criteria.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
One concern comes to mind; does reference 8 support the fact that he destroyed the family's clothes dryer by constantly shooting pucks at it? An incline citation for the criticism that Crosby drew for his position as captain might be helpful to add to the article. The statement in the Jerseys section, Many of his jerseys have gone missing or been sold for high prices at auctions several times, does require a much needed source. Same section, It was recovered about a week later in a mailbox, needs a source for the statement. The last sentence from the first paragraph of the Jerseys section needs a source. The second paragraph of the same section, The jersey he wore in his first NHL game, played against the New Jersey Devils, went missing from his father's luggage during a flight from Pittsburgh to Buffalo. The jersey was later found at the Pittsburgh International Airport between a piece of equipment and a stairwell, needs a source. Does reference 44 cover, Sidney Crosby was born in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia in 1987 to Troy Crosby and Trina Forbes-Crosby. His sister, Taylor, is nine years younger than he is. His family currently resides in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia. During the season, Crosby lives with the Lemieux family in Sewickley, Pennsylvania. In the summer of 2006 he bought his first house in Halifax, Nova Scotia? If not, sources are needed to comply with the statement. A source is needed for Donald Brashear's number 87 jersey.
I've done everything except the captain thing, which I mentioned below. All the citations cover the relevant sentences.-Wafulz (talk) 20:20, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
In the second paragraph of the NHL career the statement, Upon his entry into the NHL, Crosby had the opportunity to play alongside hockey great Mario Lemieux, is written in point-of-view and may need to be re-written. In the fifth paragraph, same section, Crosby built on his rookie success, needs a re-write.
It is stable.
No edit wars etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
The article reads well, the only thing holding the article is if these comments can be met. Once they are completed, the article would be turned into a Good article. Good luck and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Zenlax ^T ^C ^S 19:52, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I don't see a problem with "built on rookie success." That's verifiable. I'm trying to fix whatever I can, but I don't agree with there being an issue with that sentence. Let me know what else I can do. Enigma ^message 19:57, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

It reads from a person's point-of-view. I guess it wouldn't hurt to leave it in the article. Zenlax ^T ^C ^S 19:13, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not sure what you'd like for the captain thing. He hasn't drawn criticism for being named captain, although he did draw criticism for being named alternate captain in his rookie year. That's already in the article though. I'm working on the rest-Wafulz (talk) 20:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

What I was asking a direct quote from the individuals who criticized Crosby for becoming the captain for the Penguins. Zenlax ^T ^C ^S 19:13, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Like I said, I'm not aware of anyone criticizing him for becoming captain.-Wafulz (talk) 03:05, 2 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I threw in a Cherry quote about being an alternate captain, just in case that's what you meant.-Wafulz (talk) 19:23, 3 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

2nd opinion

I saw the note at WP:GAN asking for someone else to take a look at the article, so I'm going to take over the review. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

"Upon his entry into the NHL, Crosby had the opportunity to play alongside Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux. Unfortunately, Lemieux was forced to retire after being diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat." - this part seems POV to me, try - "Upon his entry into the NHL, Crosby played alongside Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, who was forced to retire after being diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat."

Fixed.

Watch for over wikilinking. Mario Lemieux is linked twice in the NHL career section. Make sure things are linked only once per section.

Fixed.

In International play, there is a date that needs to be wikilinked. It isn't necessary anymore to wikilink full dates, but an article should be consistent throughout.

Fixed.

The bulleted list in International play should just be converted to prose. It isn't a long enough list.

Fixed.

All the records need to be cited.

Fixed.

Can the tables in the awards be put into two columns? It would reduce white space.

I need some help with this.

I'll put the article on hold for seven days to allow for improvements. Nikki311 02:01, 27 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Other than the tables, I've got it all set up.-Wafulz (talk) 13:24, 27 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed that myself. Great work. I'll pass the article. Nikki311 01:23, 28 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]