Talk:Sixto Escobar/GA1

GA Review

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Review by Truco (talk · contribs)

Lead

The intro is lacking, the first sentence goes straight into what he was most notable for. Why not state it like "Sixto Escobar was a Puerto Rican professional boxer. He was the country's first world champion."
- I expanded these two sentences, how does it look? - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
After gathering a record of 21-1-1 as an amateur, Escobar debuted as a professional in 1931 defeating Luis "Kid Dominican" Pérez by knockout. - link to knockout?
- Linked. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
After some fights, he moved to Venezuela due to lack of opponents in his division. - 1)"some fights" is WP:WEASEL 2)add the word 'the' before "lack of opponents"
- Reworded. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
There he received an opportunity for the Venezuelan Bantamweight championship, but lost by points. - "by points"? How many and link to what this process means?
- Based on the points scored by the judges, I'm adding a link to Unanimous decision. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Some time later he moved to New York and began boxing in other states, eventually capturing the Montreal Athletic Commission World Bantamweight Title. - "some time later" is WP:WEASEL
- Reworded. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Early in his life he moved to Tras Talleres in Santurce, a subsection of San Juan, Puerto Rico. - comma after "life"
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
In Tras Talleres he began developing an interest in boxing and received instruction in said discipline. - comma after "Talleres"
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Although at this time boxing was illegal in Puerto Rico, remote places such as a house’s backyard or rooftops were used to organize clandestine fights without attracting attention from the local police. - comma after "time", change the comma after "Puerto Rico" to a semi colon
- Corrected, you certainly have a keen eyes for puntiation errors. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
After several months of instruction, Soto prepared a boxing card with included three-round fights, with each round lasting two minutes. - "with" should be 'which'
- Reworded. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
After this Escobar continued fighting in clandestine gyms. - add "match" before this and add a comma after this
- Reworded, added combat after "match" (i.e. "After this match, ...") ;-) - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Escobar received his boxing license trough Peñagaricano. - typo on the word through
- Corrected. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Professionals would fight Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays which were considered the best days of the week, while amateurs could compete the remaining days of the week without limitations. - comma before which
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
As an amateur he fought in 23 combats, gathering a record of 21 wins, one loss and a draw. - comma after amateur
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Professional

Escobar turned professional on September 1, 1930, in a fight card organized at the Victory Garden gym in San Juan. - how did he turn professional just by one white? what classified him as a professional?
- The rules changed slightly, but the only real difference back then was that pros fought for money. How should we state that? - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
On November 11, 1931, Escobar competed against Enrique Chaffardet for the Venezuelan Bantamweight title, but lost by decision. - 1)title should be capitalize 2)by "decision" makes no sense, how can he win/lose "by decision"?
- Unanimous decision of the judges, added a link in the lead. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
After 17 fights he returned to Puerto Rico and competed in five cards. - comma after fights
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
General comment: Some of the boxing terms needs to be linked, like card (sports).
In the meanwhile, Tony Rojas, a friend of his managers Gustavo Jiménez and Arturo Gigante convinced them to release Escobar of the contract which binded them. - comma after "Gigante"
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Since Escobar turned professional while he was still legally minor, his father had has to sign the unbinding agreement. - 1)add "a" before legally 2)remove has (not grammatically correct)
- Corrected. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
This was an eliminatory card organized by the Montreal Athletic Commission, which was to determine a contender for their vacant Bantamweight world championship, against first contender Baby Casanova who attended the card. - capitalize world championship and add a comma before who
- Corrected. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
This marked Leitham's last fight. Folloing this result, the NBA immediately called for a fight between Escobar and Casanova - since the acronym is in use here, you need to elaborate the acronym earlier like "National Boxing Association (NBA)"
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The fight took place on June 26, 1934, and it was organized in Montreal, Canada. Escobar scored a knckdown in the third round, the fight concluded in the ninth round when Casanova lost by knockout. - typo on knockdown and replace the comma before the fight concluded with a semi colon
- Corrected. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
On August 8, 1934, he defeated Eugene Hart by points in a non-title match organized in Canada. - this needs to be elaborated as to what points mean in the term of boxing or at least linked somewhere
- Linked in the lead. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
He spent a month in inactivity while recovering and in the winter he returned to Puerto Rico. - comma before and
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The current governor ordered to have all government buildings closed so that public employees could attend a welcoming ceremony. - this should be "the governor" because he probably isn't the governor anymore, in addition what was his name?
- Reworded. I can't really say who it was, the book only says "el governador...", it could have been either Benjamin Jason Horton or Blanton C. Winship. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
On August 7, 1935, Escobar defeated Peter Santol, who was considered Canada's best bantaweight and held the Canadian Boxing Federation & Montreal Athletic Commission world titles, by unanimous decision in 12 rounds. - instead of repeating the names of the companies over and over use the acronym, but elaborate the acronym earlier in the article
- Got em'. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
However, Escobar wasn't still considered the division's undisputed champion because Baltazar Sangchili had defeated Panama Al Brown and was recognized by the International Boxing Union. - the still should be before wasn't, remember my note about the acronyms
- Corrected. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Wanting to be recognized as such, Escobar pursued an title unification fight against Tony Marino, who had defeated Sangchili by knockout in his previous fight. - "a" not an
- Fixed. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Shortly after, he recovered from this loss, he returned to the gym and defeated Johnny Defoe in a preparaty contest. - remove the comma before loss and add "and" before he. Replace the and with a semicolon and add "he" before defeated
- Got it. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
After this fight, he received The Ring's bantamweight championship, which was presented by the magazine's editor, Nat Fleischer. - is The Ring Bantamweight Championship the official name, if so, it needs to be capitalized properly
- Um, its not really a world championship. But it is a championship of sorts, there is a physical belt that recognizes the holder as the "real" champion. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Death

During this date an activity was presented by Puerto Rico's House of Boxing in the library of the Pabellón de la Fama del Deporte Puertorriqueño. - comma after date
- Added. - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Overall review

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:
Per comments above.

B. MoS compliance:
Per comments above.
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
The image in the inofbox is going to need an updated rationale. Also ask the uploader of the statue image to give a rationale for his image.

- The statue's image was taken by Tony himself, he e-mailed me a unmodified (without the yellow-ish tint) copy before uploading it here. Thus, the license should be {{PD-self}} or {{self2}} (which is the current one). - Caribbean~H.Q. 21:18, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Potential GA, but prose problems. Once they are resolved, I can pass.TRUCO 01:37, 20 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry for the delay, for some reason all of the nominations are being attended during this week. I will work with it calmy tommorow. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:00, 28 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine. :)--TRUCO 19:01, 30 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Passing nomination, however, I would still like to see a general copyedit be done. Best, --TRU CO 22:41, 7 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks man, sorry for the delayed response. - Caribbean~H.Q. 22:45, 16 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]