Talk:Smalls Paradise/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 21:17, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I should finish this tomorrow JAGUAR 21:17, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

You probably would anyway, but please look at the talk page. deisenbe (talk) 21:21, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

"Located in the basement of 2294 Seventh Avenue near 135th Street" - the early history section says that it was located in Seventh Avenue and West 135th Street; the lead misses the "West 125th Street" and the early history section neglects the number "2294" Done We hope (talk) 21:59, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"The entertainment at Smalls Paradise did not stop at the stage" - sounds slightly informal for the lead. How about something like The entertainment at Smalls Paradise was not limited to the stage; Done We hope (talk) 22:07, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"waiters danced the Charleston" - Charleston (dance) should be linked here and de-linked later on in the lead, for clarity Done We hope (talk) 22:07, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"Many well-known musicians, both white and African-American, - appeared at the club over the years" - remove a comma or hyphen Done We hope (talk) 22:12, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"Entrepreneur Ed Smalls owned a small venue in Harlem" - link Harlem Done We hope (talk) 22:12, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"When Smalls opened Smalls Paradise[b]in " - space needed DoneWe hope (talk) 22:20, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"Though Prohibition was the order of the day" - how about Though Prohibition was in effect Done We hope (talk) 22:12, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"and which was really racially integrated" - informal, I think removing "which" and "really" would make it sound more encyclopaedic Done We hope (talk) 22:12, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"For his Smalls Paradise, Smalls now had his waiters dance the Charleston while serving guests" - as of when? I think it would sound better without "now" Done We hope (talk) 22:20, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
" with the permission of the clubs' management.[19] [d]" - space not needed Done We hope (talk) 22:20, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"When the girl was asked what key she sang in, she replied that she didn't know and the audition was over" - this could be quoted somehow, or rephrased to she replied that she did not know, and the audition was unsuccessful Done We hope (talk) 22:31, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"A young Malcolm X, who enjoyed the atmosphere at Smalls, Paradise," - remove comma Done We hope (talk) 22:31, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"Someone came up with the idea to hold Twist dance contests" - does the source state who?
The story doesn't say who had the idea to start a Tuesday night twist contest, only that it was done because Tuesday nights were slow at the club. We hope (talk) 22:31, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"who believed the music genre Funk was on the way out" - no need for capitalisation Done
"The story line is that Ed Smalls has a singer who is drawing record crowds" - The plot revolves around Ed Smalls' singer drawing record crowds Done We hope (talk) 22:31, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Well done on all the work put into this, Blofeld, Rosiestep and We hope! I'll leave this on hold until all of the above are clarified. The sources look great, and I couldn't find any issues with the images. There were a few instances of informal prose, but they can easily be dealt with. JAGUAR 21:54, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work! I think this is good to go now.

JAGUAR 17:38, 12 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers Jaguar, thanks for the review!♦ Dr. Blofeld 17:42, 12 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]