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Talk:Super Mario 64/GA2

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 01:07, 30 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Comments to follow within a day or two. ♦ jaguar 01:07, 30 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • One thing which strikes out at me is that the lead appears somewhat disorganised. The release dates are included at the end of the second paragraph rather than in the beginning of the first, and the second paragraph (development) could be expanded. The last paragraph should start straight away with reception "Super Mario 64 received critical acclaim...", and the sentence before that moved elsewhere
  • "The first Super Mario game to feature 3D gameplay, it features 3D freedom of movement" - the second '3D' is redundant
  • "A multiplayer mode featuring Mario's brother Luigi was cut, but rumors spread of his inclusion as a hidden character" - are these rumours worthy enough to be included in the lead? Especially seeing that this is in the development paragraph
  • "Numerous developers have cited Super Mario 64 as an influence" - could be expanded to something like an influence for 3D platform games or 3D gaming in general. 'Influence' sounds quite vague in this sense
Gameplay to release
Reception
  • ""The Whizz" of GamePro commented on the 1995 Shoshinkai version's smoothness" - most readers (including myself) wouldn't understand this. Why not substitute it for beta version or prototype?
  • "and how the action in the game was a blast" - very informal, paraphrase it or put it in quotes
  • " Ed Semrad of Electronic Gaming Monthly agreed." - this reads awkwardly. Can you provide more context?
  • " Larry Marcus of Alex. Brown & Sons" - I'm quite bewildered at somebody from an investment bank commenting on the game. The source states that he was a video game analyst, so inserting that should clear it up
  • The second paragraph of the reception section should ideally switched with the first, as per the usual WPVG standards
  • "Maximum gave it a 5 out of 5" - no need for scores to be mentioned in the prose
  • " Official Nintendo Magazine called it the first truly convincing use of 3D in a platformer[82]." - the source given links to Mean Machines rather than ONM
  • "Jonti Davies of AllGame commented on the diversity of the gameplay and how many things there were to do in each course" - might read better as ...commented on the diversity of the gameplay and the abundance of activities found in each course
  • "Doug Perry of IGN found the graphics simple but magnificent, and that the excellent animation and framerate fulfilled Miyamoto's dream of creating an interactive cartoon" - the latter half of this sentence reads like a copy and paste
  • "Maximum gave it a "Maximum Game of the Month Award", making it the only import game (predating its international release) to win that honor, and called it the greatest game the magazine had ever reviewed" - will read better as Maximum gave it a "Maximum Game of the Month Award" before its international release, citing it the greatest game the magazine had ever reviewed
Legacy
  • " In the 3D transition, many of the series's conventions were rethought drastically" - what does 3D transition mean? The game's transition to 3D during development, or video games in general during the mid 1990s?
  • "operated by the in-game character Lakitu" - this statement is much more suitable for the gameplay section rather than legacy
  • "Nintendo Power stated the camera control scheme is what transitioned platform games into 3D" - I feel that this could be rephrased
  • "The Nintendo 64's analog stick affords more precise and wide-ranging character movements than the digital D-pads of other consoles, and Super Mario 64's use of this was novel" - this reads awkwardly. Try something like Super Mario 64's use of the analogue stick was novel, affording more precise and wide-ranging character movements than the digital D-pads of other consoles
  • "but after one week, he wasn't found" - informal. Replace this simply with to no avail
  • "and were grouped into the "Super Mario 64 iceberg"" - this will confuse unfamiliar readers. Can you elaborate was the iceberg is? A meme, or depiction of an iceberg illustrating varying levels of depth etc?
  • "Miyamoto mentioned at the 1997 E3 convention that he was "just getting started" on the project" - perhaps try Miyamoto affirmed that work on the sequel had only commenced at the time of the 1997 E3 convention

I congratulate you on the hard work you've put in to improve this article. I was going to get this to GA myself earlier this year but didn't have the time. Overall the article is solid and comprehensive and meets most of the GA criteria. There are several instances of ungainly prose but nothing which can't be addressed. I will leave this on hold. Please get back to me if you have any questions. ♦ jaguar 18:46, 30 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, Jaguar, I think I've addressed all the issues you've described. — Coolperson177 (t|c) 19:23, 1 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I've read through the article again and am confident that it meets the GA criteria. A very well deserved GA for an important video game - well done! ♦ jaguar 00:16, 2 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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