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Talk:The Fame Monster/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Blackjacks101 (talk) 00:17, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Nice to finally see the article go to GA, will be reviewing shorty. --Blackjacks101 (talk) 00:17, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Pre Review

All links and references look good except for 116, can not connect to the page where the information was retrieved.--Blackjacks101 (talk) 01:23, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

 Not done I tried to completely re-access the Fame Monster Billboard page and it appears to be broken --Cprice1000talk2me 05:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Blackjacks and Cprice, just wait for few hours, the link re-appears again. This is an ongoing scene with the Billboard links. — Legolas (talk2me) 05:34, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I have a lot of problems with the Billboard site :( --Cprice1000talk2me 05:40, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It seems that the whole of Billboard is down. :( My subscription is not working. — Legolas (talk2me) 06:42, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Lead

  • ,released on November 18, 2009. --> makes it sound like all 3 EP’s and 2 major releases were released on that day
 Done Added a "which" before so it goes "which was released..." --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • as she thought the re-release was too expensive and that, as the piece represents a separate conceptual and musical body of work --> remove second as and remove the comma before it
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • A Super Deluxe Fame Monster pack containing the two releases was released on December 15, 2009. --> redundant, you should add something like it had additional merchandise
 Done Changed to "as well as additional merchandise, including a lock of her wig, was re..." --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • gave a positive review of the album,  switch this up to “gave the album positive reviews,
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • ,both reached --> doesn’t flow too well “both of them reaching” is better and remove the comma before
 Done Changed to "with both of them reaching...." --Cprice1000talk2me 05:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Gaga announced The Monster Ball Tour supporting the album, --> this doesn’t flow too well maybe say “Gaga embarked on The Monster Ball Tour to promote the album, the tour started...”

Background and development

  • The first paragraph should include the name of these headphones at least once, it becomes very confusing and unclear, many just consider the headphones “Heartbeats.”
 Done Changed to "the headphones she launched called "Heartbeats." --Cprice1000talk2me 05:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first single from the re-issue was titled "Bad Romance". --> this is just stuck into the paragraph where it has no business and doesn’t flow
 Done Removed, as it doesn't really fit in --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Among other songs, Gaga confirmed a ballad titled "Speechless", which she dedicated to her father --> “Among other songs” doesn’t really work, and again this is kind of just stuck in here
  • the United Kingdom, --> did not get the stand alone album
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

  • which according to PopMatters --> comma after PopMatters
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Release and artwork

  • Originally, --> no comma needed after
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • which was released on December 15, 2009 --> be more clear say “ the latter was released on December 15, 2009.”
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • in blond wig --> add an a before “blond”
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • is what she used to look like --> Lol silly edit that you guys probably missed, that cover doesn’t look anything like she used to before fame
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Critical Reception

  • Although Empire dismissed the ballad "Speechless", commenting that the song "remains her weak point," --> she was more trying to say that ballads remain her weak point compared to her dance songs and not just “Speechless”
 Done Changed to "remains her weak point," compared to her upbeat work, and she went on to... --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Singles

  • Originally, --> no comma needed after
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Promotion

 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 05:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • finishing in early April 2010 --> shouldn’t it be stated that the tour eventually got a lot more dates somewhere when you talk about the revamp
  • dancing in costumes made of guns, Egyptian style head gears[80] and fairy-tale Rapunzel style hair.--> Your just talked about the revamp but then your describing the original tour

I'm not completely done the review, once these are done I'd like to re-read it and add more comments

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): (citations to reliable sources): (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Fix these problems and I'll continue the review --Blackjacks101 (talk) 03:14, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, Cprice100 is Killing it with the fixations!! — Legolas (talk2me) 04:53, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
lol, yeah I really wanna see this as a GA --Cprice1000talk2me 05:30, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
About to have to go though --Cprice1000talk2me 05:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, you made me answer Jivesh's questions and let him understand about SL. Thanks again. Though I will kill you if you call me a rude boy again :P  :) — Legolas (talk2me) 05:34, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Alright, alright XD --Cprice1000talk2me 05:38, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, and can you do the last two? I'm not sure how to redo as I'm not exactly a "senior editor." --Cprice1000talk2me 05:40, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have asked Blackjacks to complete his review first. Half-way reviews bother me. — Legolas (talk2me) 05:48, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

That might be best. After all, most of the problems listed have been fixed. --Cprice1000talk2me 05:50, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The reason why I wanted to do a part-review was because there are some areas that need re-arranged and re-worded, so if those were finished I could go back and check if the re-wording had an other errors left. If I knew you didn't like them I wouldn't have done it =D--Blackjacks101 (talk) 15:58, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Additional Comments

First work on some of the errors Cprice missed above, and then you can work on some of these.--Blackjacks101 (talk) 15:58, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Background and development

  • name was similar to the headphones she launched called "Heartbeats." --> still confused how is "Heartbeats" similar to "The Fame Monster". I was trying to say earlier that many think their just called Heartbeats...is there an additional name involving a "Monster" like feel?
Nope, I don't get it either, it's just something she said in an interview. --Cprice1000talk2me 17:06, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Gaga further explained that she was obsessed with monster movies then and "I’m kind of obsessing over the decay of the celebrity and the way that fame is a monster in society! That’s what my new record is about, so it was kind of a perfect fit. --> you changed tenses with the start of the quote

Composition

  • she talks looking,drinking.. --> "she talks about drinking,.." about was need and looking just didn't give the reader the right idea "observing" would be better
 Done Changed to "she talks about drinking, dancing, observing, and touching herself."
  • rather than answer --> "rather than answering"
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 16:42, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Release and artwork

  • production collaborative Haus of Gaga --> "production collaborative, Haus of Gaga,"
Wait, do you want Haus of GaGa in quotes and bolded? Because when you put in what you said here, it bolds "and even included a lock of hair....."
Sorry I know thats confusing its actually way simpler i just wanted commas before and after Haus of Gaga--Blackjacks101 (talk) 16:43, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 16:46, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • while the other shows her with heavy eyeliner running down her face. --> still doesn't accurately describe that cover maybe say "while the other shows her wearing think brown hair while heavy eyeliner runs down her face."
 Done Oh, so you wanted more content added! --Cprice1000talk2me 16:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Regarding the cover arts --> "art" and then comma after
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 16:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Critical Reception

  • commenting that the song "remains her weak point," compared to her upbeat work --> still don't like this, better to say "commenting that ballads "remain her weak point," compared to her upbeat work"
 Done Oh, I see :D That sounds a lot better --Cprice1000talk2me 16:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial Reception

  • In Australia --> comma after
 Done --Cprice1000talk2me 16:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Everything else looks good just fix these problems, and you'll have yourself another GA!--Blackjacks101 (talk) 15:58, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lol good job Cprice! Now Legolas just has to hurry up at fix the bigger problems =D--Blackjacks101 (talk) 16:48, 30 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I corrected those reviews, where Cprice has not placed a {{done}} tag. Is there anything I am missing? Blackjacks please point out. — Legolas (talk2me) 08:52, 31 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Passing, Great Work!--Blackjacks101 (talk) 14:19, 31 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
WOOH!!! --Cprice1000talk2me 16:25, 31 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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