Talk:Theodore Roosevelt Memorial (Portland, Oregon)/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 17:01, 5 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Happy to review the article. Amitchell125 (talk) 17:01, 5 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Amitchell125, Thanks! ---Another Believer (Talk) 19:30, 5 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Re: this diff, I thought I was using punctuation correctly per Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Punctuation_inside_or_outside, which says, "On the English Wikipedia, use the "logical quotation" style in all articles, regardless of the variety of English in which they are written. Include terminal punctuation within the quotation marks only if it was present in the original material, and otherwise place it after the closing quotation mark. For the most part, this means treating periods and commas in the same way as question marks: keep them inside the quotation marks if they apply only to the quoted material and outside if they apply to the whole sentence." But, I don't feel strongly either way and will just let editors make their preferred changes over time. Thanks! ---Another Believer (Talk) 20:30, 5 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Assessment[edit]

Hello Another Believer, I'll post my comments section by section, and cross them out as soon as they are addressed. Please come back to me if you have any questions, etc. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 18:52, 6 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! ---Another Believer (Talk) 23:45, 6 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead section[edit]

  • Who were Theodore Roosevelt and Oliver L. Barrett?
  • ...during construction of Harbor Drive. - I would say 'the construction', am I being British? (Also, the same thing occurs in the 'History' section).
  • Hmm, I don't see "the" as necessary, but I've added. Don't feel strongly either way. ---Another Believer (Talk) 23:45, 6 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The monument was not well received, but among Barrett's best-known artworks. - this sentence needs to be copy-edited so that it makes better sense.
  • To help ensure the lead section an an accurate and concise summary of the article, I would include the following points:
  • The monument was 18-foot (5.5 m) tall;
  • the artwork had to be relocated temporarily;
  • its exact method of removal and current whereabouts remains unknown;
  • it wasn't universally condemned, as others at the) time of its unveiling praised the work;
  • in 2017, Douglas Perry (of The Oregonian described it as "one of Portland's lost public-art masterpieces (or grotesque curiosities, depending on one's artistic taste)".
  • Better? I have to disagree re: "its exact method of removal and current whereabouts remains unknown" because I think this is implied by both "lost sculpture" and "disappeared in 1942". No? Also, I don't really agree with adding the Perry quote to the lead, as this represents just one perspective by one person, but I went ahead and added because I don't feel too strongly either way. ---Another Believer (Talk) 23:45, 6 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with your 'its exact method' point, and looking at the Perry quote, I agree with you, it does look rather out of place here, so take it out again if you wish (sorry!).
That's ok!  Done ---Another Believer (Talk) 00:36, 8 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Have your concerns for this section been addressed? ---Another Believer (Talk) 23:45, 6 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for making those changes, Another Believer. I'll post more comments about the rest of the article section by section. Amitchell125 (talk) 08:03, 7 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Description[edit]

  • Dubbed the "Colossus of Portland"… - do we know who dubbed it with this name?
  • Barrett carved a realistic profile of Roosevelt into the memorial's left side. To improve the prose, consider placing this nearer the start of the paragraph, perhaps something like, 'The monument featured two sculptures: a statue of a man, and a realistic profile of Roosevelt carved into the left side.'
  • Well, I respectfully disagree because the realistic profile is just a small carving on an otherwise very large monument. Both sculptures are worth noting, but I don't think we should give the little one too much focus. ---Another Believer (Talk) 00:40, 8 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Understood. Perhaps the relative sizes of the sculptures could be mentioned in the text, to emphasise the point you mention.---Ami
I've added two mentions of the realistic carving being smaller. ---Another Believer (Talk) 21:26, 8 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference 2 (The Bend Bulletin) - the publication title needs to be amended.
  • I think you might need to explain who Roosevelt was here as well.

History[edit]

  • Consider moving the image to the right (imo it helps to read the text in this position).

Reception[edit]

  • Unlink Frankenstein's monster and art deco, as they are contained within a quote.
  • Who was Benito Mussolini?
  • Unlink South Park Blocks (already linked several lines up).
  • ...and resembled Benito Mussolini. - the article seems to imply this is a complement, but according to Reference 3 (Perry, 2018) 'Unfortunately, it kind of resembled Italian dictator Benito Mussolini'. Can the text be made clearer?
  • I don't see how calling Mussolini an anti-hero is complimentary. Do you have a specific suggestion re: wording change? ---Another Believer (Talk) 00:49, 8 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
...statue was "stately" and resembled Benito Mussolini.... - sounds as if a Mussolini-like statue is implicitly stately (I don't think this is meant). I would consider amending the sentence to 'Others said the statue was "stately", and in 1945, (etc.).' . Mussolini only needs to be mentioned in the quote and the image caption. ---Ami

Other[edit]

  • I'm not sure the War portal link is relevant for this article. What are your thoughts?
  • The memorial also commemorates veterans of the Spanish–American War. I don't feel strongly about keeping if you prefer to remove. ---Another Believer (Talk) 00:50, 8 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
No, keep it in, that's fine. ---Ami

Passing[edit]

Passing now, thanks for your work, Another Believer. Amitchell125 (talk) 10:22, 9 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for reviewing. ---Another Believer (Talk) 12:14, 9 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Theodore_Roosevelt_Memorial_(Portland,_Oregon)/GA1&oldid=925333725"