Talk:Tropical Storm Hazel (1965)/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Hurricanefan25 (talk · contribs) 19:39, 30 October 2011 (UTC)

  • "the cyclone turned to the east-northeast - a motion confirmed by a ship report" - the ship report isn't important, the motion is
  • "...and quickly became an extratropical cyclone" - I'd use "quickly transitioned into an extratropical cyclone" as it transitioned into one, not originated as one, as the current wording (sort of) implies
  • "At least six people were reported dead in the storm" - sounds a bit strange, can you reword it to "At least six people were reported to have been killed in the storm" or something?—
  • "The next day, the depression intensified into a tropical storm while moving north at 8 mph (15 km/h)" - I'd avoid using the speed, so remove the mph/km/h thing; and you need a period there too
    • Why should we remove the wind speed, it gives the layman a more complete idea on how fast it was moving, added a period. YE Pacific Hurricane
  • "Around that time, Tropical Storm Hazel reached its peak pressure of 986 mbar (29.1 inHg).>" - remove the ">"
  • "On September 26, the Philippine President Quezon reported peak winds of 60 mph (95 km/h)." - same thing as above, maybe remove the boat's name?
  • "Now moving to the east-northeast" - wrong tone; try "The storm then moved to the east-northeast and made landfall..."
  • "While active, Hazel was partially responsible for preventing Atlantic Tropical Storm Debbie from intensifying since the storm altered temperatures over Texas." - clarify which storm you say in "since the storm" - probably try using "since Hazel"
  • "However, 10,000 people fled the low-lying areas of Mazatlán." - hence the previous sentence, try "Despite the forecasts, 10,000 people fled low-lying areas of Mazatlán."
  • "Substantial damage was recorded in the city. Three people were reported killed in Mazatlán, two fishermen died when attempted to ride out the storm, and a boy who was electrocuted by a downed power line." - try "Substantial damage was recorded in the city — three people were killed in Mazatlán, of which two were fisherman who attempted to ride out the storm, and a boy who was electrocuted by a downed power line."
    • Eh, that make the sentence kinda of long. YE Pacific Hurricane 20:21, 30 October 2011 (UTC)
  • "Due to a communications breakdown" - reword to "A breakdown in communications" and reword the following phrase to fit the sentence
  • "...while flooding from the storm had washed out bridges and highways along the coast" - You talk about wood, tin, and cardboard, then...bridges?
    • There are related as they talk about structural damage. YE Pacific Hurricane 20:21, 30 October 2011 (UTC)
  • "Roughly 5,000 people were without shelter" - try "roughly 5,000 people did not have any kind of shelter" or something like that
    • No, it will make it less comprehensive, try to state the most in the last amount of words. YE Pacific Hurricane 20:21, 30 October 2011 (UTC)
  • "...and many rivers overflowed its banks" - same problem as above ("bridges?")
    • It's be better if it was first, which is what I did.
  • "without power and thc city" - I think you mean "without power and the city"
  • Yea. YE Pacific Hurricane 20:21, 30 October 2011 (UTC)
  • "city water system was damage [6]" - remove the extra space between the ref and the sentence, and add a period
    • Yes, but you missed another error I saw. YE Pacific Hurricane 20:21, 30 October 2011 (UTC)
  • "The storm also had a major impact on the coastal economy since Mazatlán's shrimp fleet, which makes up the base of the city's economy, suffered major damage." - remove the last bit as it's redundant
  • "Ironically, in 1954, a different tropical cyclone in the Atlantic Ocean, also named Hazel, resulted in the name's retirement in that basin." - didn't result in the retirement of this Hazel — remove that sentence as trivia and as it's incorrect
  • Use consistent date formats in the refs