Talk:Troy H. Middleton/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Thurgate (talk · contribs) 17:10, 11 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
prose: (MoS):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

Lead

Done Lead needs to be bigger as in its current state it is not big enough to summarize such a large article.

- Lead expanded to nearly double its former length

Done His brilliant leadership. Who says it was brilliant?

- statement removed

Family and early life

Suggest you reorder the Ancestry section as it jumps from the 20th century to the 17th century.

** I would much prefer to leave this section the way it is. When discussing family backgrounds, most articles begin with the subject, then mention parents, and then possibly grandparents and prominent relatives. I've just extended this line of thinking back a few more generations to show the family's connection with the nation as a whole, and to highlight some of the military service of Middleton's forebears. If this were a genealogical account about the Middleton family, then it would begin with the earliest known ancestor and move forward chronologically. The focus here, however, is Troy Middleton, so I feel it is appropriate to begin with him, and work back to his earliest known ancestor.

Done Troy Middleton was the middle of nine children. Suggest - do you sources say which number he was eg. 4/5/6?

** reworded as fifth of nine children

Done preppie year. Suggest - you reword preppie as it doesnt sound brilliant

** preppie ---> preparatory

Early service in the U.S. Army

Done years Middleton would play a lot of football, which sport was strongly endorsed by the Army. Suggest - years Middleton played a lot of football, a sport which was strongly endorsed by the Army.

Done thought surely that. Suggest - thought that

World War One

7th Regiment had served a. Suggest - 7th Regiment had served in a

- I'm not able to find this reference. Go ahead and make the change when you find it.

Done This huge logistical undertaking was an experience that would serve Middleton well at another time in another war. Suggest - you remove this sentence as it is not needed.

Done last major engagement in this war for Middleton. Suggest - last major engagement of the First World War for Middleton.

Done before expressly to. Suggest - before to

Done bridge in a different war. Suggest - bridge in the Second World War

Done mid-summer. Suggest - mid-summer 1919

Military Schools

Done point he fired many rounds from a new. Suggest - point he fired from a new

- he tested a new...

Done about the most. Suggest - was one of the most

There was also a point in time during World War II. Suggest - do you sources say which point during World War II?

- No, the source only says that it happened, but not when it happened

Done Having been involved in military education for the past nine years, Major Middleton's next assignment would make it an even ten. Suggest - you remove this sentence as it does not add anything of value to the paragraph

Late career

Done Having spent the previous ten years in the various Army schools, it was time for Major Middleton to have another assignment with the troops if he wanted to keep his career viable for advancement. His request to return. Suggest - Having spent the previous ten years in various Army schools, Major Middleton requested a return to Camp Benning

Done they were greeted by a sunburnt couple. Suggest - they were greeted by

Done Eisenhower had spent three years in Panama as an aide to a very wise general, Fox Conner from Mississippi. Connor knew that the Treaty of Versailles ensured there would be another war, and that the terms of the treaty were already being ignored by Adolf Hitler and the Nazis. Eisenhower reasoned that this was no time for an officer with combat experience to be getting out of the Army. Suggest - you reword this completely as it is not very encyclopedic

** Sentences have been reworded

Done While in Japan and China Middleton could see that events were unfolding that would ultimately lead to war in this part of the world. Suggest - you remove this sentence

World War II

Done Though Middleton was not told a thing about it. Suggest - Though Middleton was not informed of this

Done that he really needed Middleton back. Suggest - that he needed Middleton back

except that for an aide he would like his old LSU friend, Mack Hornbeak. Suggest - Do you mean the Sergeant who massaged him or Hornbeak?

- These sentences make sense to me. He had his sergeant therapist--end of thought. Next thought--he's selecting a staff for his new corps, and decides to keep the original staff that is already in place, with one exception -- for his aide he wants his old LSU friend Hornbeak who had been with him in Sicily and Salerno. I'm not sure what to change, if anything

Done concerned about Patton's big mouth. Suggest - concerned about Patton's ego

- reworded as "Patton's propensity to embarrass the Army when talking to the press."

Done Nevertheless, Patton. Suggest - Following this Patton

Done corps was pulled out of Third Army. Suggest - corps was pulled out of the Third Army

Done him he had better remove some of the bogus red crosses. Suggest - him to remove some of the bogus red crosses

Done Middleton never did learn of Bradley's reaction to Patton's method of "staying in place. Suggest - you remove this sentence

Done eliciting another reaction from Patton. Suggest - was this reaction good or bad?

- eliciting another laugh from Patton

Done He also sent a personal note to Middleton, shown here. Suggest - you remove this sentence

Return to LSU

Done the legislature had given. Suggest - Which legislature, the state legislature or congress?

Done For Middleton, 1958 was his best year as president of the university. This is the year that his long-desired library opened on campus, and also the year that Louisiana State University at New Orleans began its first session.[175] In addition, this is the year the LSU football team had an undefeated season and won the national championship. Suggest - You look over this paragraph as it is not needed for this section, whether reword it or remove it

- Paragraph removed

Done The commission disapproved of a number of pet political projects that were poor uses of the state's money. Suggest - Where they the governers pet projects?

- reworded for better meaning

Overall good job with the article, you are a bit reliant on Price for information but that can sometimes not be helped.

Price is the one definitive source on Middleton. Almost every website refers to Price, who was the head of the journalism dept. at LSU, and who met with Middleton every week for three years to capture his story. I've tried to use something from every source I have available (Eisenhower, Patton and few others) but there really isn't a lot compared to the complete story that Price has assembled. Without Price, the article would only be a handful of paragraphs long, and would have to consist largely of primary source documents.

I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow you to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns. Thurgate (talk) 17:10, 11 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'm happy with all of the changes/suggestion you have made so its good to go for GA in my eyes. Also nice job with the lead it looks very nice. Passed. Good job Sarn. Thurgate (talk) 21:46, 13 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]