Talk:Twenty (concert)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: MaranoFan (talk · contribs) 14:55, 6 June 2023 (UTC)

Hello once again, Pseud 14! This article looks to be in great shape. I'll do the GA review asap.--NØ 14:55, 6 June 2023 (UTC)

Comments

• "The concert was announced in September 2006 and held on two consecutive nights in October at the Araneta Coliseum in Quezon City." - Maybe start this sentence with "it" as the word "concert" appears in the preceding sentence.

Done

• In the same sentence, I think the year should appear again after "October"

Added year

• "The setlist contained songs predominantly taken from Velasquez's discography" - Maybe "The setlist predominantly contained songs taken from Velasquez's discography"

Done

• "while Raul Mitra was chosen as musical director" - The current wording raises the question of who chose him, so this could be slightly reworded.

Reworded to avoid ambiguity

• "Velasquez staged a show, named Isang Pasasalamat, at UPD's Sunken Garden to commemorate her ten-year career" - Maybe "then-ten-year-career" since it has been more years since. Also, I could be wrong but shouldn't the show's name be italicized?

Done as suggested. I think since we are referring to the concert title (i.e. same as tour names) as opposed to a concert television special (which is not the case), we wouldn't need to italicized.

• "She has not changed much but she has so much passion in her music now compared before" - Add a "[to]" between "compared" and "before" since the person speaking here made a grammatical error.

Done

• I would repeat my comment about the "Raul Mitra was chosen" part in the Background and development section as well.

Same as above revision

• "The concert was met with positive responses from critics" - Could be singular: "a positive response"

Done

• "He praised Velasquez's "bravura belting" and her ability to sing "high notes with relative ease" - "her" can be omitted here.

Done

• "Velasquez was named Best Female Major Concert Act and Entertainer of the Year award at 20th Aliw Awards for the production" - There's an error in this sentence. One way of fixing this I can think is "Velasquez was named Best Female Major Concert Act and Entertainer of the Year at the 20th Aliw Awards for the production"

That's my bad. "award" has been omitted.

Final comments and verdict

Since the article is high quality I allowed myself to get a little more nitpick-y. I hope you liked this review and good luck with this article!--NØ 15:21, 6 June 2023 (UTC)

Thank you very much for taking up this review in the GAN space MaranoFan. I have actioned all the comments you have raised and addressed them. Let me know if they are to your satisfaction or I may have missed anything. Pseud 14 (talk) 15:45, 6 June 2023 (UTC)

Looks like a ✓ Pass to me!--NØ 07:19, 7 June 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.