Talk:Typhoon Abby (1983)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: 12george1 (talk · contribs) 04:42, 30 November 2013 (UTC) Hello YE, I am going to be reviewing this article.--12george1 (talk) 04:42, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Why didn't you mention the 1983 Pacific typhoon season in the lead? Probably would be best in the first sentence.
- It's linked in the infobox. No true need in having it in the lead. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Typhoon Abby was the second typhoon to hit Japan within a span of a few days." - I would wikilink Japan here. Also, maybe you should substitute "hit" with like "strike" and then wikilink that to Landfall (meteorology).
- Sure. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Intensification was most rapid as it was slowly recurved northward on August 7 and 8." - What?
- Better? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"After peaking in intensity early on August 9, with winds of 140 mph (230 km/h), Abby slowly weakened, though the storm briefly re-intensified on August 11." ---> "After reaching peak intensity with winds of 140 mph (230 km/h) early on August 9, Abby slowly weakened, though the storm briefly re-intensified on August 11."
- Good call. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
"However, meteorologists continued monitoring the storm for six more days. After causing five casualties in the Philippines, Typhoon Abby brought several consecutive days of rain to southern and central Japan, resulting in widespread damage." - Between these two sentences, I would split the lede into two paragraphs.
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"After causing five casualties in the Philippines, Typhoon Abby brought several consecutive days of rain to southern and central Japan, resulting in widespread damage." - First, this is sorta of a run-on mentioning 5 deaths in Philippines, several consecutive days of rain in southern and central Japan, and then widespread damage. Second, elaborate more on the deaths in the Philippines. So I want you separate the Philippines and Japan and state how the fatalities in the Philippines occurred.
- This is the lead, not the body. And this is not a run on. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"About a dozen people were injured during a flash flood that destroyed three houses while three more dwellings were washed away when a river overflowed its banks." - Ever heard of a comma? :P
- A comma here would look ugly, so I split up the sentence. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"it failed to organized significantly until August 3, when thunderstorm activity" - What "failed to organized" (grammar error: "organized" --> "organize")? Guam? :P
- Our progress on the 2002 worldwide GT :P Anyhow, fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Although forecast by the JTWC to move west," - This is a bit odd. Since "forecasted" isn't really a word (I think), replace it was something like "predicted".
- "predicted" here just does not sound right for some reason to me. "Forcast" is grammatically correct IIRC. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Even though a Hurricane Hunter aircraft measured a pressure of 888 mbar (26.2 inHg)," - I'm not sure if a layman would know what you are referring to when you say "pressure".
- Linked. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"but due to the massive size of Abby, this had little effect on Abby." - Avoid using a name twice in the same sentence. Replacing the second use of "Abby" with a term such as "the storm" or "the typhoon" would be preferred.
- The Latter works. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the JTWC cut the intensity of the storm to 185 km/h (115 mph)" - "cut" --> "decreased"
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the storm maintained ites intensity for a day" - Typo
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"but the following day, the storm weakened slightly." Missing a word?
- No. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Continuing to trek north-northwest, at 0000 UTC on August 17, the JTWC downgraded into a tropical storm." ---> "Continuing to trek north-northwest, the JTWC downgraded Abby to a tropical storm at 0000 UTC on August 17."
- Good call. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Ferry services was interrupted to the outer islands of the nation," - Grammar error
- Good call. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Typhoon Abby brought widespread damage to Japan;[19] Abby was the second storm to strike Japan in a week." - Avoid using "Japan" twice. On the second use, substitute it with "the country" or "the nation".
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Moreover, Amagisan also saw peak 24-hours and hourly totals of 627 millimetres (24.7 in) and 73 mm (2.9 in) respectively." - "saw" --> "observed". Also, put a comma before the word "respectively".
- The first, fine, but the second comment is not needed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Nation-wide, 29 people were hurt." - "hurt" --> "injured"
- Why? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
That should be it, unless I find something else later.--12george1 (talk) 04:42, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I have addressed these or replies to the aformention comments without dying. Thanks for the review GC. YE ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:57, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - After making some minor fixes myself, I am now gonna pass this article and list it as a GA.--12george1 (talk) 05:49, 30 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]