Talk:United Game Artists/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Indrian (talk · contribs) 22:42, 31 May 2018 (UTC)

Might as well do this one too. Indrian (talk) 22:42, 31 May 2018 (UTC)

You have been exceedingly patient, which I appreciate. Let's get this done.

History

•  Done"wanted to be involved in larger areas of entertainment, including creating theme parks and attractions" - I am uncertain what the word "larger" is attempting to convey in this context.
  • Changed to "other" for clarity. "Larger" is Mizuguchi's word for what he wanted to do, that he used in interviews.
•  Done"Mizuguchi selected the initial team himself, which he described as "six or seven people", but would later expand." - I understand the point here is that the team started small and later grew larger, but the sentence structure here is awkward.
  • Rephrased
•  Done"Not to be confused with Sonic Team, which has also been referred to as 'AM8'" - I got your talk page message about this, but figured it would be best to wait for this review to address it. I do think this footnote should be removed because its pretty clear that Sonic Team was never AM8. Sega only established AM2 in c. 1988-89 (not 1985 as many sources would have us believe) and AM3 dates to about 1991, so Sega clearly did not have 8 AM divisions at the time the original Sonicwas being created. Furthermore, the AM does stand for "Amusement Machine" and was a designation for coin-op teams, as opposed to CS for consumer teams like the Sonic guys. I am certain this happens because much later in Sega history Sonic Team was briefly designated R&D #8. While your statement here is technically correct, as Sonic Team has been referred to as AM8 even if it never actually bore that name, I don't think its a good idea to help the spread of this particular piece of misinformation, even when it is done with the best of intentions. I am open to discussing this more if you want.
  • Fair enough, removed. My only concern with tackling this has been that, while we have established it as misinformation, it's so deeply stated that I'm sure it's to many an established fact, where it really is not. What I might do, instead, is a plan B: put in a FAQ on the Talk:Sonic Team page explaining this to any editors returning to try and put this in. That way it won't be a bit of contention in the future, hopefully, especially as I work on the Sonic Team page in the future.
•  Done"Having never heard of a casual female gamer audience before" - Awkward way to convey this fact.
  • Reworded this entire statement. Again, this is the way Mizuguchi put it in an interview, but I see how it's awkward.
•  Done"and had the opportunity to do so when the studios were separated" - This can probably be taken out, as I believe the meaning comes across without it.
  • Removed
•  Done"this experience was similar to the inspiration that Wassily Kandinsky, a Russian painter, had used to "[paint] a canvas of the sounds that he saw" - Its generally best to avoid the very "used" because it is so generic.
  • Used a different word.

And that's it. The issues are largely word choice and sentence construction, which should be easy to fix. I will go ahead and put this nomination  On hold while concerns are addressed. Indrian (talk) 16:00, 19 June 2018 (UTC)

Issues should be resolved. Thank you for the review. Red Phoenix ^talk 19:34, 19 June 2018 (UTC)

Looks good. I will promote. Indrian (talk) 17:08, 28 June 2018 (UTC)