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Talk:Yellow Star (novel)/GA1

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GA Review

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Hello, I'll be conducting this article's GAC review. I'm impressed that this article was once nominated for deletion! Impressive. The article needs a fair amount of clean up, but most of my concerns deal with superficial, MOS-related guidelines. The main issues I see have to do with a seeming lack of broad coverage. Specific concerns are listed below:

Lead
  • The first sentence of the lead should state what sort of book it is as well as what year it was published. "Yellow Star is a 2006 historical fiction children's book by Jennifer Roy."  Done
  • which portrays the life of one girl during World War Two after the Nazis forced Polish Jews into the Lodz Ghetto in 1939. The article is World War II. This could be rewritten for clarity to say "details the life of a young Jewish girl named Syvia who in 1939 was forced with her family into the Lodz Ghetto."  Done
  • Roy's aunt Syvia, who is four and a half years old when the book opens. This is confusing. I would end the sentence after "Roy's aunt", as I'm not sure her age at the beginning is as important as the familial connection.
  • When the 800 remaining Jews were liberated on January 19, 1945 Syvia was one day shy of her 10th birthday. Syvia, her older sister, and a younger cousin, Isaac, were three of only twelve children who survived. Is this in the book, or just in real life? If it's part of the plot, it should be in present tense. Also, it should be "tenth", not "10th".
    • Clarify the tense bit for me. In real life, yes, the three children survived. Since then, I have no idea if any of them other than Sylvia are still alive, although I seem to recall that at least one of the others has since died. They were liberated 64ish years ago, and Sylvia continues to live until now, as far as RS'es have reported. Jclemens (talk) 02:25, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'm not so much interested in whether they have survived to present day, but whether them surviving the ghetto is mentioned in the book; perhaps in the Author's Note? I'm guessing yes. If so, it's confusing as to what is real life and what is the book, because they overlap. How about separating them something like this:
Yellow Star is a 2006 historical fiction children's book by Jennifer Roy, which depicts life through the eyes of a young Jewish girl named Syvia whose family is forced into the Lodz Ghetto during World War II. Syvia is four and a half years old when the book begins;[1] one day shy of her tenth birthday, on January 19, 1945, the camp and its 800 survivors are liberated. The story is based on the life of Roy's aunt, who was one of only twelve children who survived the ghetto. [More information about inspiration, poetic form, awards and praise...]
So, how about I introduce the fact that only the narrative is fictionalized into the lead? Would that reduce readers' factual confusion? Jclemens (talk) 16:24, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
That helps, yes. This sentence, however, does not make sense "Syvia is four and a half years old when the book opens, and one day shy of her tenth birthday when the 800 surviving Jews were liberated on January 19, 1945." María (habla conmigo) 20:02, 6 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per WP:LEAD, the lead needs to mention all areas of the article, including information from the "Construction" and "Reception" sections. What awards and accolades it received, how it's written, the writer's inspiration, etc.
Construction
  • Would "Background" be a better title for this section?  Done
  • Yellow Star is the outgrowth of author Jennifer Roy's tape recording of her aunt's recollections of life in the Lodz ghetto. Somewhat confusing. "Yellow Star is based upon the tape recorded recollections of Jennifer Roy's aunt, who lived in the Lodz ghetto"?
  • Syvia Perlmutter was 4 when she was forced into the ghetto -- spell out words less than ten.  Done
  • which was liberated the day before her 10th birthday. Tenth.  Done
  • As of 2006, Sylvia, now widowed, had moved to Maryland, and volunteers at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. The past-present-past tense changes of this sentence are confusing. It's 2009 now, so is this information still pertinent?
  • She gave a videotaped interview to the Shoah Foundation. When? Also, I don't know what this foundation is; brief summary?
  • Yellow Star is written in free verse -- This should be mentioned in the lead. Also, the source states that she tried other forms of narrative (third person, first person) before finally settling on poetry; worth mentioning?
  • Roy cites Karen Hesse's Newbery Medal Winner Out of the Dust -- "Newberry Medal-winning".  Done
Plot
  • In 1939, the Nazis invade Lodz and force Poland's second-largest community of Jews, 270,000 strong, into a ghetto. Before the Nazi invasion, Syvia and her family lived in Lodz. This is repetitive; the second sentence isn't necessary. Also, Łódź should be linked the first time it is mentioned.
  • When her father hears of the impending German invasion, they travel by buggy to Warsaw. The family is unable to find work or a job, so they return to Lodz. "When Syvia's father heads of the impending invasion, he moves his family by buggy to Warsaw. Unable to find work or a job, they return to Lodz"?
  • It relates how Syvia's family is forced to sell her doll, leaving her with rags and dust as her playthings. -- "describes", rather than "relates", perhaps?
  • and another is killed and burned in the extermination camp. Does Lodz have an extermination camp?
  • The introduction says that only twelve children (in the entire ghetto?) survived; is this described in the book? It should be a plot point.
Reception
  • This section should be reordered so that it's in chronological order; at the moment it's backwards. Start with the starred reviews, positive comments, and then move to the awards.
    •  Done
  • Library Media Connection's review commends Roy -- change "commends" to "praises" or a similar word; it's used previously.
Misc.
  • There are several times throughout the article when the title of the book is not italicized; please fix throughout.
  • As of now there are no explanations for what the title of the book means. I'm guessing it refers to the Star of David, but if any of the sources mention it, it would be worth noting.
  • Is there no bookcover available? I see a few via image search, but I'm not sure which is the original first edition cover. If you need an example of a good fair use rationale, see here.
  • External links should be placed after the references.  Done

The rest of the article appears adequate, although I'm sure it could use more fleshing out. Read the references again, see where things can be added here and there. Address the above concerns, and I'll promote the article to GA-status. For now I'm putting the nomination on hold. If you have any questions, please let me know. María (habla conmigo) 13:36, 3 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I'll get to these by this weekend. Jclemens (talk) 14:23, 3 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, that's a bunch of the simple stuff fixed. I'll continue working on the more complex issues. Jclemens (talk) 02:39, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Questions
  • The publishers website includes a bunch more awards that I haven't seen subsantiated by independent reliable sources. I'm not currently including those. Should I? Jclemens (talk) 21:06, 5 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Are these other awards as notable as the ones already mentioned? If not, then perhaps that article can merely imply that there are others, with something like "Yellow Star has received numerous awards and accolades, including..." María (habla conmigo) 20:02, 6 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Delaying a bit.

My access to ProQuest pends me getting the new institutional password for the term, which I'll try Tuesday. I've also ordered a copy of the book itself, which won't arrive until later in the week. I'm going to avoid doing major surgery on the plot and suchlike until I can get back into the references I used. Jclemens (talk) 06:01, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

As of now, I have access to ProQuest, but not the book itself. I'll try some rewriting today, especially on the construction and reaction bits, but may hold off on the plot summary until I can actually read it for myself. Thanks for your patience. Jclemens (talk) 17:33, 12 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Just let me know when you're ready for me to re-review. María (habla conmigo) 12:02, 14 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I'm out of town for a couple days, and the book didn't arrive before I left. I'll see if I can get to it tomorrow, but if not, I will be away from a computer most of the weekend. Thanks for your patience! Jclemens (talk) 02:29, 17 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Final review

I've re-read the article, and while some minor wording/grammar issues remain, or have cropped up anew, I think the content has greatly improved. I still feel that the article is, for the most part, skimpy; because it's a relatively new work, and little (if any) critical attention has been paid to it, it can't really be measured against the Novel's Wikiproject article template. With well written, comprehensive articles dedicated to books, I expect to see more dedicated to the literary essence of the work, and not only its fictional/biographical implications. This article has very little as far as that goes, but again, that information may simply not be available. So, I'm not exactly sure what I should do. If you believe that this is the true extent of what is available in regards to the book, then I will promote it. We can also ask for a second opinion if you're dissatisfied with my assessment. María (habla conmigo) 14:39, 24 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've looked for detailed critical reactions, but they mostly amount to "Wow, this is a great way to introduce the Holocaust to kids. It's realistic, authentic, and not too graphic." It's also only a few years old--old enough for the reviews and awards, but not much in the way of detailed commentary. There's teachers' worksheets, but it's not been long enough in the curriculum to prompt more than what it has. Promotion or second opinion would be fine, but even if it is promoted I will continue to check back for sources on this from time to time. Jclemens (talk) 04:05, 28 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I believe I'll pass the article as it stands now, although I hope to see it expand and improve as more recognition is given -- it sounds like an interesting book, and I enjoyed learning about it! :) A couple more comments as I close this up:
  • Since the book itself is used as a reference several times, the bibliographic information needs to be given. This will help disambiguate the edition you've used from other editions that may exist. I've added "Roy" where needed, but the complete citation (name, title, publisher, ISBN, etc) need only be listed once, perhaps in the first citation for the book.
    • Noted, will fix.
  • Ref 3 ("Miss Erin Marie...") is to a blog, which may not be the most reputable source. I suggest finding another to replace it.
    • Granted, but the reason I felt it appropriate to use this particular blog is that Roy links to this blogspot interview from her own website, which would suggest that it's a valid primary source.
Great work! I'm going to promote it now. María (habla conmigo) 15:28, 29 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you! Jclemens (talk) 17:28, 29 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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