1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000
{Organ Music Playing} Greetings Caller!
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Praise be to you.
3
00:00:04,483 --> 00:00:07,550
You have reached 1 800 THIS IS LEGAL
4
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:10,050
The official toll free telephone number
5
00:00:10,050 --> 00:00:13,733
for Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption Church
6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:19,500
This is your pastor, Megareverend, and CEO: John Oliver speaking.
7
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:22,850
If you are interested in sending us money, praise be...
8
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:25,900
Please send it to the following address.
9
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:35,700
Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, P.O. Box 1954 New York, NY 10113
10
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,717
I'll say that again caller, Praise be, praise be.
11
00:00:39,017 --> 00:00:47,100
Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, P.O. Box 1954 (like the year), New York, NY
12
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:51,233
Zip code: 10113
13
00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:55,733
Zip code one more time 'cause it's important: 10113
14
00:00:55,733 --> 00:00:57,250
Praise be caller, Praise be.
15
00:00:57,250 --> 00:01:03,200
If you send us money, you will be greeted by many miracles, caller, many miracles.
16
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,683
Our miracles being a term so subjective, it's technically meaningless
17
00:01:05,683 --> 00:01:11,133
And many, being defined for the purpose of this call, as a number that could indeed be zero.
18
00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:14,733
Obviously you do not have to send us money to be a member of this church,
19
00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:19,883
However, if you don't send us money, God will be extremely angry with you.
20
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:22,433
His words, not mine.
21
00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:25,450
Now, if you're not interested in sending us money right now,
22
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:28,467
Please get off the phone, and go find somebody who is.
23
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:32,317
Do it. Do it. Do That.
24
00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:35,867
Get off the phone, Get off the phone right now,
25
00:01:35,867 --> 00:01:38,700
And find someone who is willing to give me money.
26
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:41,383
Go now. Put the phone down now,
27
00:01:41,383 --> 00:01:44,067
And go get someone with money.
28
00:01:44,417 --> 00:01:45,867
[Increasing in volume] Go do it now.
29
00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:49,233
[Shouting] Get off this phone now, And go find someone
30
00:01:49,517 --> 00:01:50,933
to Give Me Money!!
31
00:01:52,233 --> 00:01:53,267
[Screams]
Give me some money!!!
32
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,983
Go find some- [interrupts] I want money!!!!
33
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:57,800
GIVE ME MONEY!!!
34
00:01:59,717 --> 00:02:00,967
[Resumes calm voice] I'm going to presume
35
00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:02,717
that you are...are doing that?
36
00:02:02,717 --> 00:02:04,350
Praise be caller, Praise be.
37
00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:08,150
Um, one more time with the address, while we’re waiting.
38
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:16,017
Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption...P.O. Box 1954, New York, NY 10113
39
00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:17,283
[clears throat]
40
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:21,517
I'm presuming that you are get...Finding someone to uh get me money?
41
00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:24,617
Is there someone with money there?
42
00:02:25,617 --> 00:02:26,183
Hello?
43
00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:28,100
Do you have money? Hello?
44
00:02:28,950 --> 00:02:29,200
No?
45
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:30,783
Well, I'm going to hang up then.
46
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,800
Glory be, yada yada yada, [Screams] SEND ME MONEY!!!!
47
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,300
[Voiceover]
The fundraising activities of
48
00:02:34,317 --> 00:02:36,967
Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption are not directed to persons in
49
00:02:36,967 --> 00:02:39,467
Mississippi, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina.
50
00:02:39,683 --> 00:02:41,667
Residents of those states may not donate.
