User:Attackoftheshow/ScriptArchive3
OPTION 24: "Attacking the Show"
[edit]- Words on black screen along with a quick voice over: "The following skit was made online by our adoring fans..."
Kevin is walking down office cooridor
((Cream pie in face))
Kevin to camera: Ah come on! Why don't you love me!?!
Brendan is hitting on a girl
((Office Jesus knees him in groin))
Brendan: Son of a... ((thinks twice)) ...God!!
Sarah is drinking some water
((She spills the drink on her shirt))
Sarah to camera: Ugh! You perverts!! ((Slaps camera))
Scott is at his desk typing
((Technician comes over and yanks out the ethernet cord from his computer))
Scott: What are you doing?
Technician: The internets have been cancelled. Sorry buddy!
Drunk Vader is at a bar
((He orders a beer))
Bar tender: We're all out. Completely dry.
Drunk Vader turns to camera: Noooooooo!
- Words on black screen: "Thanks a lot!"
///PREMISE -- Viewers get to attack the show by causing a series of unfortunate events to happen to the hosts and staff. The events can easily be removed or changed to fit 30 second time.-C8M
///ALTERNATE SCENES FOR OPTION 24: Attacking the Show!
- 1
Justin is having fun playing his Nintendo DS w/ stylus in hand
((Someone tosses his stylus out the window))
Justin condescendingly to camera: How ironic.
- 2
Office Jesus is working at his desk
((Intern stands behind Office Jesus and keeps pressing Speak and Spell button over and over))
((Office Jesus looks perturbed, squints eyes and stares into camera, camera starts to shake))
Option 31
[edit]{Office Jesus is typing at his cubicle. Scott Moscella is right next door.}
SCOTT: Hey can I borrow your stapler?
{Office Jesus stops typing}
JESUS: {Looks towards stapler right beside him} This stapler?
SCOTT: Yeah.
{Jesus hesitates, picks up the stapler then throws it across the room.}
JESUS: It's over there.
{Scott looks ticked off then goes back to his cubicle, Jesus starts typing again.}
Kevin and Sarah are both at their hosting position.
Sarah: Kevin, viewers think your pretty lucky because everday your have on a different cool Jinx shirt. What they don't know is after the show, you have to give them back to wardrobe.
Kevin: Yes, that's true. But as you know, I have my own stylish line of tech wear. Take a look...
- Video comes up. AOTS from the day before ends. Our hosts walk off the set. Wardrobe runs over and takes off Kevin's shirt.
Kevin: Ahh, another hard working day.
Kevin walks over to his cubicle. Prints out some tech terms and proceeds to staple the paper's to his chest. He then struts around wearing his fashionable wear in pain. End video*
-Matt B.
32. My dumbass idea
[edit]Simply have someone run around the office pulling stuff out of their desk and telling them they have been defragged. Bow to the cow!
Lord of the Office vs. Lord of the Sith
[edit]Scene Opens with drunk vader walking down a row of cubicles
Drunk Vader: *grumbling* waddaya mean dont serve sith gah!
Vader rounds a cubicle and bumps into Office Jesus.
Vader: Watch it buddy Dark lord of the Sith walkin here.
Office jesus rolls his eyes and stars to walk on but vader pulls up hand as if to force choke him Office Jesus keeps walking. Vader follows and finds Office Jesus at the water cooler filling a cup. DV confronts OJ trying to force choke him,
Office Jesus: Your sad devotion to that ancient religion makes you weak.
Drunk Vader: Oh Yeah What you got huh?
OJ dips finger in cup, his water turns to wine,
Drunk Vader: you truly are the son of god!
Keven moves into frame.
Kevin: Hey sarah did you see that???
Sarah moves into frame,
Sarah: what the wine thing, that is so old! But he does make a good magarita!
OPTION 34
[edit]Kevin is walking along in office
Nerdy sounding disembodied Voice Over: Hey Periera!
Kevin (startled): Woah! Who said that?
VO: It's me griefer83 from the chat room. The guy who's question you made fun of on the air 3 months ago and banned from the chat room. So I hear you gave the viewers control of the show open yesterday, remember?
Kevin: Uh... yeah. Yeah we did didn't we..
VO: That's cool. That's cool. I hope it doesn't hurt too much?
Kevin: What? I'm not hur.....t
((Fist comes out of nowhere and punches Kevin from off screen))
VO: ((Laughing))
Kevin: Real funny. That's real clever.
VO: Sorry man. It's just this power is so... Hey..Hey Kevin isn't that your mom over there with Drunk Vader ((or Brendan)).
Kevin: Mom! No! ... No! Not the tongue! Eww...
VO: Heh heh heh that was a low blow. So what's it like?
Kevin: Like? What do you mean what's what like?
((Hand comes out of nowhere and grabs Kevin's chest))
VO: Titty twister!
Kevin: This is ridiculous! I do not get paid enough. I'll have you know I am a professional!
VO: Professional LOSER! I'm just messin with ya. Feeling thirsty?
Kevin: Well now that you mention it I do feel a little...
((Hand comes out and throws liquid in Kevin's face))
VO: Here's a towel big guy. Clean yourself up.
((Hand presents towel)) ((Kevin proceeds to dry face off)) ((We see the towel leaves some kind of ink or mud on Kevin's face.))
VO: ((Laughing))
Kevin: What's so funny?
VO: Oh nothing. Hey you better answer that!
Kevin: Answer what?
VO: The ringing in your ears!
((Megaphone comes out next to Kevin's head))
VO: IT'S "PICK UP ON THIS!"
(Intro music to AOTS plays)
Its a Dream!
[edit]Scene opens with Kevin and Sarah in their jammies asleep on the big red couch. Kevin wakes up startled and immediately wakes up Sarah. He tells her about his dream of a cool show called The Screen Savers where everyone was intelligent and the show was worth watching. Then Kevin Rose enters the scene, punches Kevin P-whatever-his-name-is and pulls out a big TSS logo'd sign from behind the couch, setting it up against the coffee table-whatever it is. Camera zooms in on sign then fades to black. Wednesday we're all treated to the return of TechTV. Woohoo!
all your base are belong to us
|q|u|a|k|e|4
[edit]Setting: a light gray room, a white stool is there with kevin pereira sitting on it
Kevin:I started when i was 13
- Screenshots of Quake 2*
Kevin:People Knew me as Immortal, or Immy for short
- photo of kevin around 15*
Kevin:I did not know how addictive quake was.
- video of "Modern Day" Kevin Pereira swinging around a Copy of Quake 3 in the gamelab*
Kevin:It became my life... Until one day...
- Kevin drops Quake 3, and stares at the camera*
Kevin:G4 Hired Me, to work at a Video Game Network.
- Scott, Gavin, Brendan, and Sarah look at a big screen TV with a video of Kevin Pereira from Arena showing, while pointing and laughing, as Kevin Enters the room*
Kevin:I had an unhealty habit... and I don't know when to Quit
- Kevin packs his suitcase before the show On the Set*
Kevin:I had to say goodbye to my friends
- Kevin wavs Goodbye in his office with the suitcase, out to the street(Kevin:Goodbye Attack of the Show)*
Kevin:and continue My Life...AT QUAKECON!
- kevin runs as fast as he can back into the studio with everything as bullets are being fired
(KEVIN:OH MY GOD RUN FOR YOUR LIVES)*
Kevin: I'm Kevin Pereira, and I am Addicted to quake!
- kevin stands up of the stool, gets applause from people at the cubes*
Casey: Did you bring us any info on Quake 4?
(camera zooms in and Kevin is shocked)
Sarah Has Amnesia
[edit]Sarah wakes up in a place unknown to her. She realizes that she doesn't remember ANYTHING. Ms. Lane, being the adventurous one she is, gets up and decides to explore what we know are the G4 studios. She REALLY doesn't know what this place is and it shows.
She stumbles upon Kevin's cubicle.
SARAH: Who are you?
Kevin looks puzzled for a brief moment, but he's a bright kid, and comes to the conclusion that she either had to much to drink from Margarita Friday or has amnesia.
KEVIN: Don't play games with me, baby! Anyway, we're still on for tonight, right?
SARAH: (Pretending she knows)Yeah...where are we going again?
KEVIN: Well, I was thinking about a nice candlelight dinner at my place.
Then Office Jesus comes around the corner and Sarah remembers everything in a flashback. Basically, OJ just homerowed her for no apparent reason. What is up with the women abuse on this show? We snap back to the present time and Sarah kicks Kevin in the naughty berries. OJ runs off, screaming like a little girl.
SARAH: SEANBABY, WHERE ARE YOU MY LOVE?
End of skit.
P.S. You might have to cut it down, but if you can squeeze the whole thing into the timeslot, I will consider you gods! -The Don-meister
A Triad Of Ideas
[edit]I Actually Have 3 Relatively Good Ideas...
1. -Two Interns are trying to play Zelda on an NES system but the screen keeps turning Green. Intern #1 opens the front cartridge slot and blows into it. A large cloud of dust billows out and the guy who thinks he's link appears behind the console.-
Link: You have awakened me from my 800 year rest..."
Intern #1: But Zelda was released in 1987-"
Link: Silence! Now, because you have awoken me, you will be premitted 1 wish each."
Intern #2: I wish was immune to being Homerowed!"
-A magical sound is placed here as Link waves his sword over Intern #2.-
Link: It is done. And you?"
Intern #1: I don't know... the only thing I could ever really wish for is..."
-a sortof flash back/dream like sequence plays out where sarah is facing the camera (intern #1) and as she says his name Prepares to kiss him. Suddenly Intern #1 is Snapped out of his Dream By Intern #2. The scene has returned to him blowing on the console, only now his lips are shut in the console door.-
Intern #2: Dude, I know you love gaming.... but... c'mon!
__________________
2. -Kevin is sitting at his computer. Sarah walks over."
Sarah: What are you doing.
Kevin: Just checking out Half Baked Ideas again... check out this one: "Kevin and Sarah should let more people write the opening skit for them. Have a whole bunch of people submit ideas for this skit and then, when the time comes to pick one... they will have a great one!"
-Both Kevin and Sarah stare at eachother for about 10 seconds in silence. then Kevin laughs.-
Kevin: Hilarious huh? totally insane I know!"
Sarah: Yah, nice try genius... but next time don't use your own user name.
-Kevin looks at the screen while saying "Darnit" and then types out while saying out loud "Nevermind, Sarah says it's a no go."-
____________________ 3. This idea is actually sort of a Soap Opera begining to the show, so imagine a soft edge around the screen and everyone being very dramatic as they perform this like Passions or something.
-The office appears on the screen and Text fades in which reads:-
"As The Office Stays Incredibly Still and Boring"
-Sarah walks in, distressed, she confronts Kevin who has his face turned from the camera till Sarah speaks, at which time he swivels around in his chair, placing his elbow on the arm rest and his hand on his chin.-
Sarah: There's something I need to tell you... it's... about The Gems..."
Kevin: What is it Sarah, talk to me... whats the matter?"
Sarah: The Gems... they are.. they are having an affair!"
Kevin: No! this can't be!"
Sarah: It's true! I saw them... "
Kevin: Impossible... but your carrying their child! What a sick sick world we live in..."
-sarah sobs as an Intern comes in looking very upset-
Intern: I just got a call from the hospital... it appears that the Set of Attack of the show was in a Car accident... it... it didn't survive."
Kevin: My God..."
Sarah: No... not the set... it was so young... so...kind and helpful...
Kevin: Thats it... I can't take anymore of this madness.. I'm leaving television for good."
Sarah: but how can you? They towed your car last week! I drove you to work today..."
Kevin: Oh... then... I guess I'll stay.... for one... more... day."
(Whatever works best... I just like these three Ideas: 1. Genie in an NES Game 2. Kevin's Half Baked Idea Shot Down 3. Soap Opera opening)
change as you like Created By Ally @ Living_In_Intelectual_Stupidity@hotmail.com
OPTION 27
[edit]Kevin at computer speaking while typing on wikipedia....
Kevin: Kev..in... Land! ((Laughing)) Brilliant! ((Grabs framed photograph of AOTS bot off desk, cuddles it and starts crying a little.)) [[1]]
![[1]](http://fog.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pG01-1586992reg.jpg){kind=link}
AOTS meeting room....
Boss: So any ideas for tomorrows open?
Person 1: I was thinking Office Jesus goes...
Person 2: Ugh not Office Jesus again.
Person 1: What if Drunk Vader and Office Jesus are on a boat
Person 3: This job is hard. *throws down pencil*
Boss: There's gotta be an easier way.
Office Jesus ((completing rubix cube)): Why not have the viewers write the show for you.
Everyone: ((Dumbfounded))
Boss: Sounds like a good idea. Kevin you have the day off! Now let's all get started on those Kevin Land blueprints.
((Kevin walks out of meeting smugly)) ((Everyone gets to work on Kevin Land))
Sarah at computer speaking while typing on wikipedia...
Sarah: Mar-ga-rit-as. Excellent. ((Grabs a drink out of her desk drawer and starts sipping it while making sure nobody sees her.))
AOTS meeting room again...
Person 3: This job is hard. *throws down pencil*
Boss: There's gotta be an easier way.
Office Jesus: Why not have the viewers write the show for you.
Everyone: ((Dumbfounded))
Boss: Sounds good to me. Oh and Kevin "megaphone this?" you're fired! ((Kevin looks sad))
Well everyone you have the day off. Let's get wasted! ((Everyone else is happy especially Sarah))
///PREMISE -- Wiki edits control reality like a mirror looking inside of a mirror. Kevin tries to use wiki to his benefit, but in the end Sarah gets the last laugh. Office Jesus plays with either a.) Rubix Cube b.) Speak and Spell c.) Simon. AOTS bot makes cameo in photo. Kevin Land begins construction. -C8M
target audience option28?
[edit]so I think the 30 seconds should be devoted to recognizing that you're show at 3am has very specific commercials. What you present in between your quality Attack programming makes me feel as if I've already become something I truly hope to avoid, in debt. I mean you run the commercial of the guy dressed in the suit covered in question marks running around DC screaming about unknown government programs that can save you money. That commercial is so dated he says that you're sticking it to Clinton by buying his book. Along with riddler wannabe you have both (usually seen back to back) versions of the entrepreneur commercials. I.e. "I made money (but not really that much money) just by going to this website, so you should too!" While these 3 commercials only melt my eyes slightly, the worst of them all is the Rhapsody online music program commercial where the guy repeats "You gotta get Rhapsody!" until your toes no longer exist. Why do I not need a credit card? am I not good enough for a credit card? The worst part is that it's run by the realNetworks (exhibited in the fine print) which produces the most annoying audio format in existence and already a devout money-mongering organization. Oh and last but not least, don't forget the Debt Free commercials, which are only marginally mindnumbing. For some reason, I just don't believe it's an actual non-profit organization. These four commercials are run ad nauseam throughout the program. So what I'd like to see is some sort of giveaway to help a special viewer get out of the debt that they are most obviously in, as your commercials only allow one viewpoint of the viewers, that they are: 1. In need of money. 2. In debt and in need of money. 3. College students in debt and in need of money.
Kevin, Sarah and Brendan are standing in a blank room
[edit]Kevin, Sarah and Brendan are standing in a blank room.
Announcer: It was a normal day at the Attack of the Show set, when suddenly. . .!
(a generic explosion takes place to the left. Out of the explosion Crash Bandicoot appears wearing an eye patch, pirate hat, with a parrot on his right shoulder and left arm decaying.)
Crash: Yarr, It be I, Zombie. . .Pirate Crash Bandicoot and I'm here to kill Naughty dog for selling me (voice slowly getting quieter) to. . .you know. . .t-that one guy. . .(starts crying uncontrollably) I don't even know anymooooorre.
Announcer: Then, with Crash's breakdown, an unseen force notices its chance to strike. Suddenly it began to rain evil, radio active Ice Creams! (A bunch of strawberry ice cream cones fall from the sky) And they decided to posses Crash Bandicoot to make him think he's Sonic the Hedgehog.
Crash (In Sonic like voice): Hey, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog and I'm going to turn the world into a music based game.
Kevin: Nooo, what will the lawn gnomes do?
???: We'll save the day!
(cue Original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme Song with the TMNT going through various poses)
Announcer (talking over the theme:) Yes, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have come to save the day, but will they succeed? But we all know the only way they will succeed against the horrible Crash, Sonic pirate zombie hybrid. . .of doom. . .is with a bout of mortal Tetris!!!
(A Black Screen with the word LATER in white letters)
(The Crash/Sonic thing floating triumphantly with tentacles now growing out his back with Turtles in hurt position)
Crash: (in 5 year old girl voice:) Yea, I win!
Mario: Not-a-if I can-a help it-a. It's-a me-a, Mario!
(A black screen with the words two hours later in white letters)
Some guy: (to the tune of the tetris theme) two hours later
(Crash now with chicken head, floating triumphantly once again with Mario in a hurt position)
Mario: Mama mia.
Crash: (Opens his beak and we hear a wild assortment of barnyard animal sounds)
Mircosoft Sam: Here I come to save the day!
Everyone: Mircosoft Sam-ta!
Crash: (Lets out barnyard assortment again)
Mircosoft sam-ta: Ho Ho Ho merry holidaymas
Announcer: So then Mircosoft Sam-ta released the universe's greatest gift, Mentos the fresh maker! (Mentos in boxes and rolls rain from the sky and a giant yellow banner with the word "YEY!" floats down from the ceiling)
Everyone: Yea!!!
The End
Script by Alejandro Chavez ©2005
( Regarding the List of Six submission for "cult of Jimbo Wales stalkers" at WP:PCW. )
- WP:PCW wow... why not link to something original... like a highschool blog about love lost in the lunch line. oh woe... here come the tears. [sarcasm seeping from every pore] (last: 03:28 UTC, 16 August 2005 )
re:
<=== there is something to be said for fat people and there mcdonalds... and it is... dont go there. "FIN" (Sunday, August 14, 2005)
Lord of the Office VS. The Dork lord of the sith.
[edit]Scene Opens with drunk vader walking down a row of cubicles
Drunk Vader: *grumbling* waddaya mean dont serve sith gah!
Vader rounds a cubicle and bumps into Office Jesus.
Vader: Watch it buddy Dark lord of the Sith walkin here.
Office jesus rolls his eyes and stars to walk on but vader pulls up hand as if to force choke him Office Jesus keeps on Vader follows and finds Office Jesus at the water cooler filling a cup. DV confronts OJ trying to force choke him,
Office Jesus: Your sad devotion to that ancient religion makes you weak.
Drunk Vader: Oh Yeah What you got huh?
OJ dips finger in cup, his water turns to wine,
Drunk Vader: you truly are the son of god!
Keven moves into frame.
Kevin: Hey sarah did you see that???
Sarah moves into frame,
Sarah: what the wine thing, that is so old! But he does make a good magarita!
SHOW ATTACK: ACTION EXPLOSION
[edit]Scene opens up with insane heavy metal riff in the background. Wide shot of Kevin Pereira skiing down a slope of a mountian, shooting a pistol at a fleet of helicopters chasing him. The helicopters are all black, and are only firing machine guns.
PEREIRA: Give up, Dr. Tallarico! I've got your precious secret plans, and you won't stop me from reporting you to the proper authorities!
One of the helicopters pulls ahead of the pack and flies ahead of Pereira. In it, Dr. Tallarico (Played by David Duchovny) speaks on a megaphone to Agent Pereira.
DR. TALLARICO: The end is now, Kenneth! Behold, for your death is at this moment, where we will kill you, and then you will die! From the pain!
Dr. Tallarico gives the signal to his fleet. They fire hundreds of missiles at the skiing Pereira, who finds a ramp/hill in the mountain side, and does a 1080 double whats-it flip to avoid all blasts.
PEREIRA: For Capitalism!
Using his pistol (in mid-air), Pereira shoots one bullet at each Helicopter. The bullets hit precisely the right spot of the fuel tank, causing each to explode with one shot. Out of bullets, Agent Pereira throws his pistol at the last helicopter (Carrying Dr. Tallarico), which breaks through the glass, hits the helicopter driver in the face, and causes him to get knocked out. The helicopter is explodes.
The chase over, Agent Pereira comes to a stop and observes the mountainscape. He takes out a forty out of nowhere and pours it on the ground.
PEREIRA: This ones for you, Agent Moran. Mission accomplished.
(THE THEME TO DAWSON'S CREEK PLAYS)
(SCENE FADE BLACK) Written by Evisruc
connections.
[edit](on the idea that each show eventually ties together to make a daily mini show/series and each skit has significance's [to keep us dying to see more "WOW THAT WAS AMAZING" stuff] I create this)
4&1/2 second intro Office Jesus is at the urinal (chest up only view) Gavin walks in and is in pleasant "awe" to see that o/j uses the urinal. o/j's right shoulder does three hard twitches the sound of the gown/dresss/robe? falling into place. O/j turns towards Gavin and lays his right hand on Gavin's forehead as if blessing him or palming it like a basket ball, O/j then turns to the sink and lightly washes his hands. then leaves the can. he glides past (probably on a skateboard pulled by a rope) steve's "cubicle/office" and we see a glimpse of what might be either the words "home rowed" or something of the like on the monitor. the lights flicker in the office and the monitor sparks and the screen shuts off. this happens really fast and you have to be a forum /aots geek to even begin to catch it, most will notice that jesus just killed the editor's office. Office jesus then glides past kevin and sarah doing one of the other skits posted by a user (hopefully the fart skitt)[on a later date when they do that skit you see office jesus glide by in the background for no explained reason] .. then sarah farts uncontrollably. Office jesus pops up in the bar where drunk vader is and makes all the liquor disappear and hurries to brendan's location and puts a vex on him rendering him babeless and walks away with woman brendan is about to score.Brendan then says "I think my mojo is gone" then an evil look comes over his face as if he has plan.While he watches O/j leave with the hotty (or fat pig who cares)... maybe hitman for hire krose to pull a homerowed on office jesus? who knows.. stay tuned and we shall see how this plays out!
--SCRIPT THAT ISN'T LAME--
[edit]Ok...this script is a little longer than 30 seconds but its only like 40-50 seconds, but atleast it isnt some unoriginal piece of crap by some freak tard that couldnt come up with something so he just wrote a stupid story about Office Jesus farting on Drunk Vaders head. I think Kevin and Sarah will enjoy this script...srry Brendan couldnt fit you in.
-Kevin walks out of studio and two henchmen quickly throw a pimp robe on him and give him a bejeweled cup and a cane-
While Henchies put on robe Kevin says-"Uhg...I cant stand working with those nobodies and pretending I like it."
Kevin is walking down the street and notices some slutty dressed girls and says-"Hey there...ladies"
-A homeless guy, ofcourse the generic homeless guy, brown clothes, dirty, grey mustache, older, bumps into Kevin-
Kevin-"Do you have any idea who I am, I am the only person in the world to rate a 10 on a scale of ass-kickery"
-Kevin pulls out a poster from inside his robe that displays the official scale of ass-kickery, it looks like 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 the camera zooms into the zero and slowly pans across to the number ten, but above the number 0 is a picture of Vin Diesel, above the 1 is a picture of Little Orphan Annie in order to truly show how uncool Vin Diesel is, and above the 10 is a picture of Sarah Lane-
-The homeless guy mumbles and walks off-
-Kevin looks at the poster and realizes he is no longer the highest ranked on the scale and breaks down-
-Changes scene to Sarah back in the studio behind the desk where Kevin usually is-
Sarah-"This will all soon be mine Muhahahaha"
-Kevin bursts on studio and grabs a shovel out of his robe and hits Sarah's head off, which is obviously a manican.
Kevin-"Over my dead body." ...or some other lame line
This is a pretty good script, and it will be funny after its done cause clearly Sarah isnt dead cause she is still on the show, so the script holds no meaning
Some things that might add to the humor would be having the two henchmen be huge and thick (preferrably uncut-im not gay or anything but it would funnier) dudes and one accidentaly drops the bejeweled cup, and Kevin gets pissed and says "Why I oughta" and threatens to hit the henchi with the cane, this would be funny cause his henchies are huge (like i prefer) and i am a skinny white guy who is probably very small
Another would be have the homeless guy instead of being generic homeless guy, have him look like the homeless guy off of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, I know Kevin knows what im talking about here
And last, have Sarah say "This will all soon be mine Muhahahaha" in a bored normal voice like she was reading it or something, and have her actually say Muahahaha, instead of laughing
OH AND ALSO---All u dumb basterds dont bother editing this cause its perfect as is, cept for the AOTS writers
Written by J-Koenig heyman18@hotmail.com
I believe it is up to us, the readers, to decide what is perfect and what is not. Telling people not to edit your script that you posted to a wiki is... basically being a n00b and telling people not to treat you like one even though you are. And it's not perfect. You misspelled "you" and "bastards." --madcrasher
'Hipster Alone'
[edit]Music: We hear mock-up score similar to the theme in the movie 'Home Alone' - we just change a few notes here and there
Kevin plays himself (Note that McCaulay's character in 'Home Alone' was Kevin anyway, which adds extra underlying humor to it)
Kevin is sitting in a room type setting sipping on a mocha-frappa-whatever drink (it would be funny if the side of the cup said that as well) as purchased from his local hip-corporate coffee chain. Instead of wild and crazy things happening, he just sits there drinking his coffee.
Camera gets a side angle view of him sitting at the computer desk table, with a Window in the background (it would be nice if it looked as if it were night-time with a fake full moon in the sky)
(dramatic movie voice)
announcer:
THIS SUMMER
cut to a shot of Kevin typing on the keys from different dramatic angles
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN KEVIN FINDS HIMSELF LEFT..
cut to a shot of him sipping the coffee up close, casually (to hear a slurp sound effect would be nice too)
Camera pans back to get a better shot of the window.
Cue Jeff knocking on the outside window behind kevin, wearing a beanie cap and a sweatshirt with another shirt underneath, also a jacket -ala Joe Pesci with an overly pesci-mean look on his face (he should be kneeling slightly since Pesci is short IRL)
Brendan is standing next to him with a fake goatee and a crowbar, wearing a plaid paul-bunyon-esque red shirt ala Daniel Stern (raises crowbar in the air and shakes it)
Kevin rolls the chair around to face the camera
Camera zooms quickly in on his face
Kevin puts his hands on his face ala the classic Home Alone face. Maybe we can have him take a really quick sip of the coffee right before he puts his hands on his face (before the camera zoom) for comedic effect.
announcer:
HIPSTER ALONE
(use chyron to add the text of this to the screen - if possible, add a small picture of the sillouette of a house in between the HIPSTER and ALONE to simulate the actual movie poster)
End segment
Authors Note:
I seriously have a million hilarious skits in my head, man. This was just a quickie. You should hear the one for 'Hipster Alone 2: Emo/Lost In General'
by Gary Otto webmaster@ultra-electro.com
- Really? You have a million ideas as lame as this? Wow! That IS impressive! - Lyberty 23:09, 17 August 2005 (UTC)
The One Script (Long Version)
[edit](Please note that the original announcement was that the script would be done on the same show as the appearance of Jim Wales and other Wiki content, so script was intended to be topical, as opposed to the other scripts here. It was also intended to be controversial, in keeping with the spirit of the show.)
INT. ATTACK OF THE SHOW CUBICLE FARM - DAY
INTERN AT DESK,"WIKIPEDIA" (R) (TM) (C) ON MONITOR
KEVIN approaches INTERN.
KEVIN
Hey, do you have that User Created done?
INTERN
(startled) Oh, yeah... um... almost.
KEVIN
We need it for the show now! What have you been doing for the last six hours?
INTERN
Well, I was doing it, but ....
(from embarrased to excited)
Look! Wikipedia is all interlinked, and I noticed some articles were missing....
KEVIN
We don't pay you to update Wikipedia! (thinks) Well, we don't pay you at all,
but still... (changing subject) Besides, don't you already pay for
hosting of your own website? Why don't you just update that?
INTERN
But... but... Wikipedia is COLLABORATIVE! It's a NOBLE EXPERIMENT!
KEVIN
Yeah, just like the Internet. (exasperated) Alright, fine. What are you updating?
INTERN
An article on the fastest video card.
KEVIN
(sarcastic) Oh that's useful. 'Cause that hasn't been written about on
5 million websites already.
Look, I need the final User Created List in 5 minutes. (starts to walk away)
INTERN
(looking up) Oh, oh, Kevin, wait!
KEVIN
What?!
INTERN
Can you loan me $40? Wikipedia is having a fund-raising drive,
and I've invested so much time in it, I'd hate to see it go away.....
(Kevin walks away disgusted)
ROLL SHOW CREDITS
Script by Lyberty
The One Script (Shorter Version)
[edit]The One Script (Short Version)
(edited for length)
INT. ATTACK OF THE SHOW CUBICLE FARM - DAY
INTERN AT DESK,"WIKIPEDIA" (R) (TM) (C) ON MONITOR
KEVIN approaches INTERN.
KEVIN
Hey, do you have that User Created done?
INTERN
(startled) Oh, yeah... um... almost.
KEVIN
We need it for the show now! What have you been doing for the last six hours?
INTERN
Well, I was doing it, but ....
(from embarrased to excited)
Look! (pointing) Wikipedia! It's all interlinked, and I
noticed some articles were missing....
KEVIN
We don't pay you to update Wikipedia! (thinks) Well, we don't pay you at all,
but still...
(changing subject) Besides, don't you already have your own website?
Why don't you just update that?
INTERN
But... but... Wikipedia is COLLABORATIVE! It's DISTRIBUTED!
It's a "NOBLE EXPERIMENT"!
KEVIN
Yeah, just like the Internet.
(exasperated; starts walking away, disgusted)
(forefully) User Created. Five minutes.
INTERN
(voice fading as Kevin walks away) Can you loan me $40?
Wikipedia is having a fund-raising drive....
ROLL SHOW CREDITS
Script by Lyberty
The One Script (Short Version; variation)
[edit]('further refinement)
INT. ATTACK OF THE SHOW CUBICLE FARM - DAY
INTERN AT DESK,"WIKIPEDIA" (R) (TM) (C) ON MONITOR
BRENDAN approaches SARAH.
BRENDAN
Hey, do you have that User Created done?
SARAH
Oh, yeah... um... almost.
KEVIN
We need it for the show now! What have you been doing for
the last six hours?
SARAH
Well, I was doing it, but ....
(from embarrased to excited)
Look! (pointing) Wikipedia! It's all interlinked, and I noticed some
articles needed updating....
KEVIN
Sarah, you've already got your own website.
Why don't you just update that?
SARAH
But... But... Wikipedia is COLLABORATIVE! It's DISTRIBUTED!
It's a NOBLE EXPERIMENT!
BRENDAN
Yeah, just like the Internet.
(short silence)
SARAH
(still staring at screen) Hey, can you loan me $40?
Wikipedia is having a fund-raising drive....
ROLL SHOW CREDITS
Script by Lyberty