User:Coyote Starkk/sandbox

Daniel "Dan" England Race: Unknown. Ethnicity:White Birth: August 3, 1963 Death: Still kicking Height: About so high Aliases: Daniel England

             Dan
             Danny
             Faggity Dan
             Dan the Man 
             Little Dan
             White Man
             Dan the Creeper
             Mr. England
            

Appeareances: "The States of Water", a.k.a. "Hey There Boys and Girls", played leading role as Dan the Creeper), "The Forces of Motion" (made a cameo as himself).

      Dan is an American student, actor, film director, producer, and artist (crediably known for his famous "Pearleys").  He is known for his role in "Hey There Boys and Girls" as Dan the Creeper, where he attempts to explain water and its states of matter in the creepiest voice you ever heard. You know in that pedophile voice that makes you wanna grab your kids and get away from him as far away as the dear Lord will let you. Your kids would love him. He sometimes has candy. Children love candy. Mr. England is also known for his multiple cameos and minor roles in science and history videos that were created by the astounding and beloved actor/film director/producer Matjew Wever. He's cool unlike Dan. 

Early Life

    Dan came out of a hippopotamus's ass. He suckled off her hippo titties for most of his early life. 

Later Life

     When Dan was finally weined his mommy sent him to middle school. Where he met a beautiful hippo named Fluffy. They got married and had a few humanpotamuses. His wife was very abusive and an alcoholic. She beat him to a pulp multiple times. Finally Dan grew weary of her abusive ways and wished upon a star that she would die. And guess what boys and girls she did! One day she was out bathing in a muddy pool where their humanpotamuses babies ambushed her, flayed her alive and consumed her. That was a happy day indeed. Then his own kids got confused at ate each other. What other might see as a catastrophe, Dan saw opportunity. 

Latter Latter Life

      With his abusive hippoptamus wife and fucked up children out of the way Dan could focus on the big picture. World domination, or what he called it; Curing the World One Retard at a Time (his plan competly contradicited its title). His plan was to form and elite team of not-so-intelligent people known as the R-Tard Squad. This team's goal was to infect the world with their stupidity so that Dan would the be the only intelligent persoon left on earth, that's right boys and girls Dan England himself. Of course this planned failed since you can't transmit stupidity like STDs or anything.  

A Little Latter after the Later Later Life

       3 minutes after he formed the R-Tard Squad Dan decided it was high time for them to dissemble the team. After doing so Dan figured he had better '"take care of" his squad after disbandinment so that none of them could squeal. First he paid a visit to short-time friend Alex Fraiser and dispatched him with a overgrown booger down his throat and made short-work of the Booger Eater. Next he played wack-a-gopher with Dave. Dan took a huge jackhammer and hammered the ground animal (which was another name Dan called Dave), his head into little itsy bit pieces. Dan decied that Calvin wasn't a threat and gave him a fullly functioning M1 Abrams Tank for his birthday. He loved that. Lastly he found George "Horses Feet" sitting with all his friends at the lunch table and cut off his feet with a pork chop Horse Feet was eating. And quickly ended him, thus ending his clomping days. 

Present

   Now Dan's days of crime are ended. Though he still longs for his dream of World Domination he is now a peaceful man. Now Attending Knox County High School as a junior. He seems like a fairly intelligent lifeform. Every now and then he looks back to the past and almost misses his wife's cruel beatings and rages. And sometimes when he forgets those times and thinks of the happies memories, he realizes that he loves her. And at those moments he pretends that she felt the same way. 

This work is complety a work of fiction and was only meant for humorous purposes. Please do not take offense to them. When a said a hippo I mean a legit hippo and did not mean it for a metaphor. And that's all boys and girls.