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Theories of Love[edit]

What Is Love?[edit]

Love as a word has many different definitions because there are different types of loves. As society advances and modernizes every year, it becomes even more difficult to define. Love has been compared to God because of the power it has over those who believe in it. Love has the ability to be the source of human's happiness, feeling of mattering, and a source of healing from hurt or suffering.[1] This is a more religious and traditional definition of love. As years have passed, this definition hasn't disappeared but more definitions joined it as the world began to modernize. In the 18th century, romantic love expressed sensibility and was authentic as it stood for "the truth of feeling."[2] Even today love is very symbolic in Western culture. It's viewed by many as the reason for living. A symbolic interaction theorists believe that shared meanings, orientations, and assumptions form the basic motives behind people's action.[3] Love is a universally known term and depending on the culture. It's the motive behind every jealous girlfriend and overprotective mother. Of course, not all countries place an importance on love. Countries such as Africa and India believe in arrange marriages and if love comes from that partnership, it's convenient, but not necessary.

Along with being the motive for some people's actions and bringing people joy, love can also bring us sadness. “Love does us no good if we love the wrong person.”[4] When people open their hearts, show their flaws, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses to the wrong person, it often times hurts and provides a longing feeling of regret. Love can provide the best years of one's life but the worst as well. Love is very complicated, as it brings us joy and warmth but also sadness and regret. So why do humans deal with such a complicated thing such as love? We need it. "We need to love and to be loved."[5]

Why Do We Need Love?[edit]

Love allows people attribute a sense of purpose for living.[6] From the moment of birth relationships are made: mother and child, father and child, grandparent and child, and the like. As people grow older and enter into schools, jobs, and get involved in their communities the number of relationships they have grown and as does their ability to maintain these relationships. Love is a powerful force that has an affect over the human body. "For a person in love, I remarked, life is never without meaning."[7] A person's life is built on love, the love between two people- their parents. A person's life could further be built by the love they share for the friendships they make and eventually, the person they marry and have children of their own with. The feelings love brings: happiness and a sense of purpose, can lead to stronger motivation, less stress, a positive outlook on life, and hope.[8] Love allows humans to communicate through their emotions. To love effectively one has to love themselves first: to love another person's flaws and quirks, one has to love their own flaws and quirks.[9]

Contrary to popular belief, humans aren't the only specie in the world that can feel love and the effects of it. Species that are not as developed as humans can feel love as well, while it's less complex and less creative, they can still feel love.[10] Many animals feel emotions. When a dog wag it's tail or licks its owner after being parted for a few hours shows that dogs can feel happiness. When a person leaves for work in the morning and their dog cries at the window, its exhibiting sadness. A growling dog who doesn't like it when you touch its favorite toy is showing anger. Animals can feel love as well as other basic emotions humans feel. Animals can feel love as well as other basic emotions humans feel. Dogs that grow up with siblings create strong bonds to their sibling. If their sibling dies, the dog can go into depression and refuse to eat. This is because they lost a loved one.

Types of Love[edit]

There's different types of love that humans come across as they reach different levels are maturity in their life. There's the love a mother feels for their child, the love that involves the instant attraction to person, and the love that comes from years of being together. The love humans share for their family and friends can be viewed as "slow love." This is a love that's based on finding shared interests and lifestyles that connect people to each other in reality.[11] It's a love that can be carried out because of the common interests that bind them together. It's more of a mental attraction than a physical attraction. Visually, we make interpretations on love based off the way a person looks. "Harmonism" and "echoism" are the ways your face is constructed that makes one physically attractive: the distant between the forehead and nose, distant between the mouth and chin, how close your eyes are together, the sweep of one's eyebrows.[12] Another reason why we love who we love has to do with culture and history.[13] Take incest, for example. In Western culture, a man wouldn't fall in love with his cousin because incest is a taboo and seen as morally and lawfully wrong. However, in some Muslim tribes it's perfectly acceptable to fall in love with your cousin. In addition, in the past the United States didn't want mixed-race marriages legal. This led to people only marrying people of the same race as them. However, now that the history of the United States has changed drastically, it's common and completely acceptable to find couples of different races.

Another type of love people come across in their life is sexual love. As an individual crosses over from a child, to a teen, to an adult, this type of love becomes more relevant in their life. "Sexualized intimate love is delusional and requires an overestimation of the person we love." [14] A sexual love is a misconception of the person's beauty, intelligence, or charm. This type of love can tell you a lot about the person who's feeling such strong passionate feelings. It gives more insight into the lover than it gives about the loved.[14] Sexual love isn't love at first sight, its basic human instinct and hormonal responses.[15]

Love in the 21st Century[edit]

Today, love is still highly valued and worshipped in the Western society. Love is so viewed so important and special. It's put on such a pedestal that it's almost impossible to fulfill all the expectations that people have for their relationships and marriages. For example, with the rising of "promposals," which are extravagant ways of asking someone to prom, exhibit the way that the expectations of romance are increasing. Suddenly it seems that bringing someone flowers and asking them to prom isn't enough. There has to be flowers, a big sign with a catchy rhyme, a present to go with the gesture, and people to capture the moment. Today, sex lives are commonly flaunted rather than hidden as they used to be.[16] Compared to the past, people's mind are more open to sexuality, promiscuity, and divorce. As the world continues to change the views on love and its significance will continue to modify as the minds of people change.

  1. ^ May, Simon (2011). Love: A Secret History. Conneticut: Yale University Press. p. 1. ISBN 9780300177237 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  2. ^ Featherstone, Mike (1999). Love and Eroticism. SAGE Publications Ltd. p. 112. ISBN 9781848609402 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  3. ^ Conley, Dalton (2015). You May Ask Yourself. W.W. Norton & Company. p. 31. ISBN 978393937732. {{cite book}}: Check |isbn= value: length (help)
  4. ^ Milligan, Tony (2011). The Art of Living: Love. Routledge. p. 1. ISBN 9781317547624 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  5. ^ Milligan, Tony (2011). The Art of Living: Love. Routledge. p. 1. ISBN 9781317547624 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  6. ^ Määttä, Kaarina (2013). Many Faces of Love. Sense Publishers. pp. ix. ISBN 9789462092068 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  7. ^ Singer, Irving (2009). Meaning of Life: The Pursuit of Love. The MIT Press. p. 2. ISBN 9780262259194 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  8. ^ Määttä, Kaarina (2013). Many Faces of Love. Sense Publishers. pp. xi. ISBN 9789462092068 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  9. ^ Määttä, Kaarina (2013). Many Faces of Love. Sense Publishers. pp. x. ISBN 9789462092068 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  10. ^ Singer, Irving (2009). Meaning of Life: The Pursuit of Love. The MIT Press. p. 19. ISBN 9780262259194 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  11. ^ Malin, Suzi (2004). Love At First Sight: Why You Love Who You Love. New York: DK Publishing. p. 11. ISBN 978-0756604011.
  12. ^ Malin, Suzi (2004). Love At First Sight: Why You Love Who You Love. New York: DK Publishing. p. 10. ISBN 978-0756604011.
  13. ^ Conley, Dalton (2015). You May Ask Yourself. W.W. Norton & Company. p. 371. ISBN 9780393937749.
  14. ^ a b Milligan, Tony (2011). The Art of Living: Love. Routledge. p. 2. ISBN 9781317547624 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  15. ^ Singer, Irving (2009). Meaning of Life: Pursuit of Love. The MIT Press. p. 20. ISBN 9780262259194 – via ProQuest ebrary.
  16. ^ Bruckner, Pascal; Randall, Steven; Golsan, Richard (2012). The Paradox of Love. Princeton University Press. p. 142. ISBN 9781400841851 – via ProQuest ebrary.
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