User:HJG-mann

Often considered one of the greatest and most humble human beings of all time. Though his origins are unknown, he has had profound historical, spiritual and religious significance. At the creation of the universe he and God played rock, paper, scissors. the game was to decide which would live on earth and which will live in heaven. Much to H's dismay, he lost and how to live out the rest of his days in the three dimensional space humans tend to call the universe. H took a 5 billion year long nap because he became sick and tired of the bullshit. one day he stumbled upon two planets, Earth and Theia. He fell in love with both planets. He became tired traversing between the two planets so he, with his immense strength, collided the two planets. this is known as The Great Indecision. it was almost 1 billion years later when the Cats arrived in the universe. Cats, being the most powerful beings in existence, threatened to destroy the the universe if God or H couldn't make them a delicacy. God and H, the best friend and rivals they were struck a deal, whoever could please the almighty Cats would get to be God of the universe and the one who could not please them would wonder the Earth. God spent centuries creating a masterpiece of a meal while H took a nap. When H awoke, he found fish swimming in the oceans of his beautiful planet. To catch one, he invented the fishing rod. He thought the fish tasted like shit and smelled like dank coochie. So, H swapped out his fish with God's masterpiece. when the Cats came back, they tasted the two foods. Gods masterpiece was aight, but the fish was the best thing the Cats had ever tasted. God had won the contest and H had to wonder the Earth. The Cats moved to Earth and H fish for them and cooked for them. H realized the Cats were kinda chill and vise versa. H taught the cats to be lazy and make others do shit for them. The Cats fucking loved this. Laziness was the Cats' and H's calling. So, they made God make slaves to fish for the Cats. Then came in the humans. The humans were made in Gods and H's image and likeness and H started to associate with them. This was considered a generally bad move by H. One group of humans were very advanced. They could travel faster then light and communicate telepathically with their bright blue eyes. H calls them the A-men. And the other group were dumb asses. The A-men became sick of the humans and left earth. They Terra-formed Mars and lived there for a long ass time. They got taller and skinnier and new how to throw a party. Some dickhead, however, destroyed the surface of Mars. The A-men were devastated, and they moved back to Earth. They, with H, taught their Human brothers many A-men concepts. They taught them to honor cats and also built them telepathic inter planetary communication hubs. But the humans couldn't communicate telepathically, so H invented verbal A-man, which later developed into Latin. H killed Ghangas Khan at some point. He and Jesus drank wine. H killed Hitler. And on January 30th, 2005 his penis was declared the biggest in the universe. So, in his humblest act ever, reverted into a baby human and lived out his life since. He might also be part A-man but we aight sure yet we'll see.