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User:Helengracedaniel/The Boy (book translated from French)/FatimaRazzaq Peer Review

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General info[edit]

Whose work are you reviewing?

Helengracedaniel, Zoenaylor47, Mbb5c

Link to draft you're reviewing
User:Helengracedaniel/The Boy (book translated from French)
Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
The Boy (book translated from French)

Evaluate the drafted changes[edit]

Hi ! Great first draft of the article! I hope my suggestions help :))

Lead

  • Great introductory sentence! It clearly and concisely introduces your novel.
  • I am not sure if you need to do this but on the d2L peer review guidelines, it says the Lead should include a brief description of the articles's major sections, so maybe you could add an introductory sentence about structure and reception. Other than that, I think the information you included, sets up the article well.
  • Maybe you could add the Lead to the top of the page.
  • I think the Lead is concise and not overly detailed.
  • This is just a wording thing, but the last sentence is a bit wordy, so maybe you could change "However, in his journey, he becomes entangled in World War I and battles the loss of the people he bonds with alongside PTSD from trench warfare." to "On the boy's journey, he becomes entangles in World War 1 and battles the loss of the people he bonds with and PTSD from the trench warfare." I think it sounds a bit more concise and neutral.

Content:

  • I think the content is really good and obviously relevant to your novel.
  • The plot summary is very informative, and I know it is only the draft, so before you publish it for real, make sure to read it out loud and edit the wording a structure a bit to ensure flowI . Some of the sentences are abrupt and don't flow the best. But this is an easy fix!
  • I think the content is good, but maybe you could add a theme or symbolism section if you feel like you have information for that.
  • Maybe you could add a few more links to other articles like "hamlet", I didn't know what that was, but maybe that's just me haha.
  • In the structure section there is a sentence that says "The novel is divided into three sections —1910-1914, 1914-1915, and 1916-1938—..." and maybe you could change it to "The novel is divided by time periods in three sections—1910-1914, 1914-1915, and 1916-1938—" And in the structure section, you start the paragraph with "The Boy is separated into three sections. " after just explaining how the novel is divided into three sections, so it becomes confusing because I thought something new was being brought up, even though it wasn't. In the last sentence of the Structure section, there is a typo, "through" is capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
  • ^^Other than some of the wording, which again, is understandable as it is the first draft, I think the Structure section is really good and informative!!
  • Maybe you could add a little more information to the Historical Background section, and relate it a little more to the contents of your novel.

Tone and Balance:

  • I do not think there are any claims in this article that appear heavily biased toward a particular position/interpetation, it sounds neutral to me. Both positive and negative reviews are also included.
  • Again, maybe you could add a little more information to the Historical Background section.
  • I do not think the article attempts to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another, it is really good in that aspect.

Sources and References:

  • I think all the facts are backed up by a reliable source
  • I don't recognize Le Monde, so I'm not sure if it is a strong and reliable source, but I am sure it is.
  • I'm not sure if it is because it is from JEWL or something, but he fifth source doesn't have a link, I just wanted to include that just in case you didn't know or if it was a mistake.
  • There is at least one source per paragraph except for the characters section, maybe you could add a source that discussed a character's role and just link that.
  • There are 9 sources! Good job with that!
  • I think the sources are varied, but just make sure.
  • Except for the one link that is missing, all of the links worked for me! I think two of them might have been repeated, but that could have been a mistake by me.

Organization:

  • As a first draft, I think the article is well-written. Some of it is a bit choppy, but it is concise. I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors other than the word that was capitalized in the middle of the sentence I included above, but I think just reading it over out loud and editing some of the sentence structures and word choices would make it even more perfect.
  • I think the article is well organized.

Images and Media:

  • The article does include one image, and it is from creative commons, so it is valid.
  • The caption of the image is also good.
  • Perhaps you could include another image, maybe a war image.

Info box:

  • Yes, there is an info box, and it is a very nice info box
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