User:Honette/Copy edit
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George Juskalian
[edit]I've done another round of CE. Please check my edits in case I misinterpreted information. By no means this is a final edit. Other editors may spot something I missed or I could detect them later. I understand that obtaining the Featured Article status for this article is desired. The article's tone, cohesion, choice of words and sentence structures is a separate task that may need to be examined in order to meet a certain criterion (I have no idea what it is). Best to ask featured article reviewers for their advice.
Kevork Juskalian felt that there was no secure future for him in the Ottoman Turkey and subsequently fled to the United States, arriving in Ellis Island on November 15, 1887. Consequently, the Juskalian family became one of the first Armenians to come to the United States.
— A sentence in the Early life section
Did Kevork Juskalian go with his family to the United States or did he go by himself? I ask because the sentence starting with Consequently (meaning as a result of his moving to the United States), the word family is used. Family is a group of people but the previous sentence states one person fled to the U.S. Maybe it's meant to read: ... and subsequently fled to the United States with his family ...
George Juskalian was also the cousin of Medal of Honor recipient of the U.S. Army, Ernest Dervishian.
— A sentence in the Early life section
This sentence appears to be randomly inserted and does not have a relationship with the paragraph.
Oran fell to the Allies on November 10
— A sentence in the North African Campaign section
Is there a year for this? Other dates provide the year but not this one?
When landing in Oran on November 8, 1942, the 1st Infantry Division's initial objective was to confront the German Afrikan Korps commanded by Erwin Rommel and support Bernard Law Montgomery's advance against the Italian forces.
— A sentence in the North African Campaign section
Initial means "occurring at the beginning". Does this imply the 1st Infantry Division had another objective, I thought? Or maybe the sentence is meant to say: When landing in Oran on November 8, 1942, the 1st Infantry Division's primary objective was to confront the German Afrikan Korps commanded by Erwin Rommel and secondary objective was to support Bernard Law Montgomery's advance against the Italian forces.?
On January 21, 1945, the German troops moved the POWs westward into Germany to avoid the Soviet's advance from the east.
— A sentence in the Oflag XIII B in Hammelburg, Germany section
Who was avoiding the Soviet? I interpret the sentence as: (a) the POWs were moved and the German troops remained—the POWs were keeping away from the Soviet; and (b) once the POWs were moved, the Soviet stopped their advancement. Maybe the sentence is meant to read: ... the German troops moved themselves and the POWs westward into Germany to avoid ... or ... the German troops moved and the POWs moved westward into Germany to avoid ...
On April 17, American troops secured Nuremberg ...
— A sentence in the Liberated as a POW section
Is there a year for this?
Notes
[edit]- I cannot find the styling rule of bachelor and master (a person who holds a degree from a university) in Wikipedia's style guide so I followed the advice from Oxford and Bachelor of Journalism. For example: master's degree in international transactions or Master of International Transactions, not master's degree in International Transactions. This one is tricky: Bachelor of Science, Journalism or bachelor's degree in science, journalism, not bachelor of science degree in journalism.
- Multiple-word contractions should not be used: could not, not couldn't, according to MOS:ABBR.