User:Mathieu.gagnon

Born on February 22, 1985, Mathieu Gagnon ("Matt" or "Gagnon," as he is simply called on occasion) quickly fell into an abyss of loserness from the onset of his life of social deviancy.

For starters, his parents, Jean-Marie Gagnon and Sally Wong are what some people affectionately call "one of them newfangled interracial couples." His father is clearly French Canadian, being the proud custodian of Molson Dry beer in the fridge most of his adult life. In addition to being an avid fan of hockey, most notably of the Montreal Canadiens, Jean-Marie enjoys being lazy, swearing in "québécois" and exploiting the social system—qualities that will ultimately determine the general outlook Mathieu shares with very few of his closer "friends."

His mother, Sally, of Chinese origin is actually the only person on this God-forsaken planet to give a damn about Matt. She sometimes gives him 20$ bills in an effort to support his drinking habits, which are, to put it nicely, nice. Working a more-than-full-time job at the Royal Bank of Canada, Sally gets up every single morning at 05:30 a.m., bus and subways it to the downtown commercial district for an hour and a half only to return home some 14 hours after leaving that morning. Often a public sleeper, Sally only sleeps an average of 40 hours per week, makes incredible lunches and dinners, drinks cheap wine and reads novels extremely slowly, at a steady rate of perhaps one year.

The earliest childhood memory Matt has of his life is the one of being held in his father's arms in the middle of a public pool, desperately wanting to reach the side where that little hook for the buoy cord is. Good Lord, did that hook seem like the life-savior at the time...More horrendous horror stories include that damn tubular red slide every single community park seems to have. In actual fact, this momory was originally classified as being "good" until the discovery later in life that many, many hooligans enjoy urinating in those slides. From that point on, the red slide memory was catergorized as being "mediocre," an adjective too often tacked on to anything Matt is able to remember in the first place.