User:Peter.C/Steven Grayson
Steven Kelly Grayson is a paramedic, author and EMS1 columnist.[1] He is also known for writing Life, Death and Everything In Between: A Paramedic’s Memoirs, a book about his paramedic career.[2][3] Grayson previously held the title of president of the Louisiana EMS Instructor Society.
Early Life[edit]
Steven "Kelly" Grayson was born the son of a poor black sharecropper in the back woods of what was at the time the Kansas territory, in 1954. Adapting to frontier life early Grayson killed his first bear while still in diapers{citation needed} and, upon reaching the age of adulthood at 13 traveled the country extensively. Tales of his exploits as a young man continue to be popular in local watering holes and Hooters alike; although many have grown with multiple tellings some, such as the sudden spike in births in Sheboygan, WI, nine months after his visit have been verified {citation needed}. Of particular note was his visit to the "Hole in the Wall" in San Francisco where he popularized the non-agricultural use of shoulder length rubber gloves after producing a supply of bear grease from a source he refused to name.
The oft-repeated story of Grayson (citation needed) killing him a bear when he was only three has yet to be substantiated, and may be an apocryphal tale appropriated from the legend of Davy Crockett. The legend's seeming authenticity may be attributed to confusion with the true story of Grayson stalking and harvesting the last surviving North American nauga in the wild. Grayson's father, a hot rod enthusiast, had expressed a desire to re-upholster his '69 Camaro, and Grayson made him a Father's Day gift of the cured hide of the bear-sized mammal.
In recent years, Grayson and his former partner, JC Whitney, have expressed remorse for their role in the extinction of the greater North American nauga. Grayson currently serves as a board member for the Nauga Restoration Project, which consists of thirty breeding pairs of naugas housed in a large compound behind Bear's Tattoo Parlor and Bike Shop in Eufala, Alabama. The organization's stated goal is to repatriate captive pairs of the elusive animals into their former range.
In the mid- 1970's Grayson created an incident rivaling the Lindberg baby kidnapping when, on an out of state trip, he posted a sign in his parent's car window stating "Help, I've been kidnapped". A concerned citizen called the authorities and the ensuing manhunt covered 3 states and one county in Florida where a similar lime-green 1971 Oldsmobile station wagon with woodgrain sidepanels had been spotted. Once located, Grayson's parents were arrested for kidnapping and Grayson was turned over to social services in Louisiana. When the source of the turmoil was determined, officials in Louisiana agreed to drop all charges if Grayson would leave the state and never come back. This deal fell apart when authorities determined that Grayson was indeed a native born Louisianan. A compromise deal was struck where Grayson was placed under continued adult supervision until the age of 42 and the state would be re-imbursed for it's expenses from his future casino winnings (which were illegal at the time)
After stints with several local circuses (where he gained national renown as "Alix the Strongman", "Porthos, the Fearless Lion Tamer", and "Glenda, the Bearded Lady") Grayson left the spotlight and traveled across the country, planting apple seeds and defeating sumdood with a mix of eastern kung-fu and hippie pacifism.
Controversy[edit]
Quite a long time ago, Grayson was accused on being an accomplice of Emperor Palpatine during construction of two different Death Star battle stations. Accusations were expunged after he was given credit in the destruction of both (the first over Yavin 4 and the second over Endor). He has been quoted to "still carry a light saber in the ambulance to this day. An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age."
In 2005, Grayson was in the Bayou of Louisiana practicing the old pick up line "Wanna see the inside of my ambulance" when Chuck Norris attempted to stop the ritual. After several days of said storms it is recorded as Hurricane Katrina. Neither Chuck Norris, nor his beard have been found.
In 2009, while traveling late at night in Colorado, Grayson struck and killed a deer. He then proceeded to become intimately involved with the deer. A horrified group of bystanders witnessed Grayson and the (by that time headless) deer enjoying a post-coital cigarette. The deer was dismembered and various parts were later consumed in an alcohol fueled orgy.
Grayson has been seen in the company of numerous Hollywood starlets although the rumor that he was the bear in the Miley Cyrus video is completely false.
Death[edit]
Kelly suffered a severe case of death after betting two women he could have sex with them for 12 straight hours. He won the $10,300 bet and then promptly died. Doctors determined that his death was caused by the entire bottle of Viagra pills he ingested before attempting the feat of sexual endurance. At least the last 12 hours of his life were happy hours.
Kelly's kilt, however, contains alternate-universe powers, and within the third Earth^11 dimension, Kelly Grayson statues litter the landscape. After conflicts with Ronald Reagan and Bruce Springsteen, Kelly departed E^11 and traveled to our Earth, where he, with his ever-faithful Chihuahua companion (the dog... not the [in]famous harlot from the same region of Mexico), is proceeding on a crusade to rid the world of ambulance drivers. There can be only one!
References[edit]
- ^ "Kelly Grayson - The Ambulance Driver's Perspective". EMS1. Retrieved 2011-01-01.
- ^ "Q&A with Kelly Grayson". EMS World. Retrieved 2011-01-01.
- ^ "EMS Author Interview: Kelly Grayson". Every Day EMS Tips. Retrieved 2011-01-01.
- ^ "Kelly Grayson - Life, Death and Everything In Between - A Day In The Life of An Ambulance Driver". Retrieved 2011-01-01.
- ^ "Ambulance Driver Files".