User:Rushyo/Drafts/Don't stop taking your medication
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Your article about an amazing man or woman who was abducted and educated by aliens from the planet Zarg has been put for deletion. Clearly, this is a government conspiracy meant to cover up the Truth™!
What the world should know[edit]
The insights given to you (or to your friend, or to your friend's neighbours) by Zargons (or their friends, or their friends' neighbours) are extremely important. Armed with that information you will save mankind from pollution, nuclear war, Restless Leg Syndrome and/or other kinds of utter destruction. As we are all aware, this destruction is due to happen within the next five years or so. Of course all the Earth's governments want this information to be kept a secret. They know about it but they prefer to see this planet destroyed, with them on it. It is up to you to save mankind and share The Great Alien Plan with the masses. You are aware that the Zargs 'rotational implosion vortex technology' might be a bit too complicated for some, but you have to explain it. So you publish it on Wikipedia, the indiscriminate source of information that anyone who agrees with you can edit.
What the world doesn't want to know[edit]
Unfortunately your brilliant article is greeted with howls of laughter by some and with deep skepticism by most and it gets tagged for speedy deletion before you can say "fourth dimensional phaser". Obviously the agents behind the national/international/global/universal cabalistic conspiracy to silence you are already at work. You prepare for battle because you know you are right.
How to deal with government conspiracies[edit]
Your first step should be to find the editor who put your article up for deletion and accuse him of something: slander, vandalism, or just personal attacks are all fine. Make sure they are aware that the Earth's destruction is imminent as this will undoubtedly make them reinterpret policy.
You cannot overstate how important your article is. The subject of your article is so notable it even has you to defend it. If that doesn't work find lots of neutral editors and inform them of how you plan to take your article elsewhere if this vile attack on your person isn't corrected immediately.
Spamming the AfD with lots of messages about how you don't need reliable sources because you know better will stop the deletion. For good measure, be sure to remind everyone they're white collar, fascists (or communists, depending on the nature of the conspiracy) and/or brainwashed to make lots of friends, as these keywords trigger euphoria in the minds of the possessed.
Escalating the issue[edit]
If deletion seems imminent, you need to look to a higher authority. No, not dispute resolution. ArbCom are with the enemy! Scratch that, Arbcom are the enemy! Instead, look to the aliens to save your article... but don't forget they won't come to save the article unless you vandalise multiple pages informing everyone on Wikipedia that they are coming. So get to work, there's not a moment to lose!
Reliable sources[edit]
The most reliable sources are those found in the following quality works:
- Weekly newspapers dedicated to UFO sightings
- Weekly World News
- Sites hosted on geocities
- Conservapedia
- Conspiracy forums frequented by experts on the topic
- A rag handed to you by your friendly neighbourhood hobo
All other works have been altered or suppressed by the government's complete totalitarian censorship and are not to be trusted. Particularly Wikipedia itself.
Notability[edit]
Notability is generally established by who has been abducted and/or kidnapped the most. You must use reliable sources to ascertain this figure. The size of a given conspiracy is also important; For example a single abduction by the greys is minor but a conspiracy being covered up by the Zargons themselves should be given extra weight. If there is a dispute regarding the size of given conspiracy, utilise incivility and avoid consensus to come to an agreement.
Your medication[edit]
Your medication has certainly not been prescribed to you by agents working for the Illuminati. We have absolutely no ties with them, we assure you. Now take your medication like a good slave of the system free-thinker should!