User:Sclippae

Vampire Defense Techniques

There is a great deal of disagreement about trustworthy and reliable methods of self-defense against vampires. Most recommended methods fall into one of two categories: protection and methods of destruction.

Protection

Protection-oriented methods of vampire self-defense are focused on warding off vampires with substances irritating or harmful to them until you are able to escape, rather than on actively attacking and killing a vampire. It is possible some of these substances, in high enough quantities or through prolonged contact, could be fatal to vampires, but they would generally not be fast-acting enough for this to be practical in an active vampire attack situation.

An illustration of garlic, Allium sativum

Garlic

One of the most reliable methods of discouraging vampire attacks, garlic has been used for centuries. It is unknown whether vampires find its potent scent unappealing, or if there is something about the plant itself that is inimical to vampire biology. Regardless, the presentation of a head of garlic towards a vampire's face will almost always result in it retreating--if not leaving off the chase entirely then at least staying a safe distance away from the target until they can move themselves to a safer location.

Lemon

Surprisingly, another common and affordable item in most kitchens can also ward off vampires--lemons. Lemons, known for their high acidity, seem to burn vampire skin more acutely than human skin, causing pain similar to that of lemon juice in an open cut. Place a lemon in the mouth of the attacking vampire to both prevent them from biting and force them to retreat. As with garlic, this method of prevention is relatively short-acting and most likely cannot actually kill the vampire, so those using the lemon technique should then seek out professional vampire hunters or a secure location.

Methods of Destruction

Methods of destruction, while also prioritizing keeping the potential victim alive, focus on offense rather than defense, seeking to eliminate the vampire entirely rather than merely prevent its attack. Any attempt to engage in hand-to-hand combat with a vampire should be undertaken with great caution and preferably with significant physical and martial training. The only known reliable weapon for fighting vampires is the wooden stake.

Wooden stakes

A wooden stake from an 18th century vampire hunter's kit, likely dulled by frequent use.

While many businesses will attempt to claim that stakes must be made to certain standards, crafted from specific kinds of wood, or harvested only in a specific region of France to function properly, the truth is a stake need only be wooden and of sufficient size and sharpness to destroy a vampire. This does mean that picking up any stick on the ground is likely not going to be effective, and stakes should be prepared in advance, from branches or other pieces of wood of sufficient size, with a carefully honed point. Destruction is quickest when the stake is applied directly to the heart, but puncturing the chest is usually sufficient.