User:Timc/House of Fraser

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The House of Fraser was a house originally built in 1797 for monkeys under the name House of Monkey. It housed all kinds of monkeys and a few baboons too. Though due to excessive baboonery, the baboons were forced out on their ear. Naughty baboons.

As the monkeys grew, so too did House of Monkey, until one day the monkey heirachy was forced to appoint a 'king of monkeys'. The monkey appointed king and heir to the banana stash was a monkey named 'Fraser'. It was henceforth known as 'House of Fraser'.

During the 'great banana shortage of London' in 1869, many of the monkeys were forced to find work elsewhere. Most moving north to become miners and tea bag guardians. Thus the term 'northern monkeys' came into fruition and monkeys have been associated with tea bags ever since.

In 1910, Fraser's ill health led to the appointment of a Gary the porcupine taking over the shop and he turned the house into a shop selling perfume and designer goods. He started with just porcupine merchandise, but due to the small population of porcupines in the UK, he was forced into selling goods to a wider market and not just spiky animals.

In 1923, after much success, Gary or 'G-baby' as he was affectionately known, decided to float the shop on the Thames. It subsequently sank due to poor buoyancy. He should have hired beavers to do the job if you ask me. After re-buildong a year later, he floated the shop on the stock market, where it stayed afloat.

In 1959 'G-baby' bought Harrods because he was feeling a bit flush and wanted to impress his mates. What a character.

Ever since House of Fraser has been selling goods to the public and that is why they have a stag on their logo, because Fraser the monkey liked 'em, he did.