User talk:Abhic93/sandbox
Peer Review for Lynn Valley Ecology Centre
[edit]Hey Guys, Great page so far! I like the use of pictures and the headings look great. There are a few points I'd like to make so your page is stronger.
1. The first sentence: this first sentence/paragraph needs to explicitly say what it is, where it is, etc. Saying "_______ features _____ " isn't a strong explanation of what the Lynn Valley Ecology Centre is or what it does.
2. Create a link for the Dogwood Blossum. Also don't be afraid to include Vancouver, B.C., or "In North Vancouver" to make clear of the area you're talking about.
3. Development: Citation is definitely needed for the logger claim. This seems like a stretch or like it could be untrue without proper citation.
4. Under Good Practices, you need a comma: "by logging companies, there are multiple..."
5. Devlopment of the forest: Instead of saying "This forest", say "Lynn Valley Forest" instead. North Van in very forested- make sure you specify which part.
6. The sentence "After a drought period," needs to be re-written. It is unclear and I had to re-read it a couple of times to understand what you were trying to say.
7. Say "As far west as Horseshoe Bay" and create a link to Horseshoe Bay.
8. Address the funding for the park. Is it federally funded? Provincially? Who works there? Rangers? How many? How many visitors a year?
Thanks guys, great work so far!
H annavan (talk) 20:16, 25 March 2014 (UTC)
Just added in a couple of the facts about the center and am going to expand by talking about other features as well as the ecology of the Lynn Valley area. May want to create a different page about Lynn Valley ecology and just link it to this page
Abhic93 (talk) 05:50, 2 March 2014 (UTC)
Looks good Andy, just try to format it properly and make sentences that are organized correctly. Otherwise its coming along well!
206.87.192.40 (talk) 21:05, 4 March 2014 (UTC)
Hey man thanks for adding that info from the brochures, i need you to cite that information and then maybe add some more details about the development of the area and specific species of vegetation around the Lynn Canyon Park.
Abhic93 (talk) 02:36, 9 March 2014 (UTC)
Hey so I added some stuff and added some references to the work that you added so its more wholesome. Just take a look and let me know!
Abhic93 (talk) 06:07, 9 March 2014 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hi Abhi and Andy,
First, I want to say great choice with creating a Wiki page on the Lynn Cannon Ecology Centre! It creates an educational ground for people to learn about, but unfortunately not many people know about it. I've read your page and here are a couple changes I would make:
- A interesting feature of the centre is that it "resembles a dogwood flower," the official flower of the province- though, some people who are not from BC may not know what it is or why it is significant. I would suggest either externally or internally linking a site to the dogwood flower to make it more complete.
- The programs you listed that are available at the centre are incomplete. I feel the audience of your Wiki page should also be given some sort of explanation of what these programs are about. Perhaps a one or two sentence "splurge" on it and an internal/ external link to make the centre more appealable and thereby providing useful information to people who want to visit the centre.
- I feel "Multiple volunteer centres" should be a heading on its own, it isn't really an activity a visitor can do and is unrelated to the other programs. Rather, have a separate heading for it and perhaps a link if someone were interested in volunteering.
- More information needs to be provided about the centre. In my opinion, the information is too general, I want to know how the information is presented and what is unique about the Lynn Cannon centre as compared to all other ecology centre.
- References are needed if you are going to make a claim. (e.g.: "Early loggers believed British Columbia's were endless and no though was given for reforestation"). You've started a major topic of reforestation, I'd elaborate on it and explain its detrimental impact on BC's forests or at very least, link and redirect the reader somewhere else for more information.
- Specifically what has been implemented at Lynn Cannon to preserve their forest lands? The headings labelled "good practices" and "bad practices" seem to be a generalization and not specific to Lynn Cannon.
- I really like the part about the animals and wildlife present in Lynn Cannon.
Overall, this is a good start to a new Wiki page, though I think you to be more specific of the Lynn Cannon Ecology Centre. The content starts to describe the environment of Lynn Cannon--- which I do no think is your focus. I would narrow it down and make it less generalized and reference everything so it is credible and that the audience can be redirected to wanted information you presented.
Let me know if you have questions! Cheers, --JinelleC09 (talk) 00:48, 15 March 2014 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]First of all, I like the organization and structure of this page. I can also tell that you've done substantial research to create this page.
- Proof read and look through the syntax and grammar in your sentences. There were a few mistakes like, "The purpose of these programs are to enhance visitors understanding" where there should be an apostrophe after the 's' in 'visitors'
- Not sure about this, but I think pages should be written on a neutral stance and I'm not sure if the part where you talk about "good practices" and "bad practices" would be relevant in this case. Even if it is, the claims should be supported and not be purely your opinion. Also, that part should somehow link back to the page on "Lynn Canyon Ecology Centre"
- Generally, there were many parts of this page where the information you dropped were not connected back to Lynn Canyon Ecology Centre - information can be generalized to any other Ecology Centres
- Should link some species to the actual Wikipedia page e.g. the Dogwood Blossom, as you haven't done much explanation about it either - some people don't know anything about this flower
- This might be a bonus but I think it'd be awesome if there was a huge box on the bottom linking all the ecology centres in Vancouver, or even in BC
- Think you left out a hyperlink for the 'Red-breasted nuthatche' page
Charlizeriza (talk) 22:23, 24 March 2014 (UTC)
Peer Review Lynn Canyon Ecology Centre, (Dominique)
[edit]The opening paragraph could be rearranged to give better flow. For example, in the opening sentence, the word "features" seems out of place. Just say what the centre is, when it opened and then explain the other features. You also use the same expression (features) down below which makes more sense there.
Programs at the Centre
- The saying "every so often" sounds colloquial.
- Minor grammar: "The purpose of these programs is (not are) …"
- Change "Multiple Volunteer Opportunities" to "Volunteer Opportunities" or provide more detail on the "Multiple Opportunities."
Exhibits at the Centre
Lynn Valley Forest Development
- As for the section "Good and Bad practices" I'm not sure how relevant this section is to this article. This part is not specific to Lynn Canyon, it seems like more general information.
Development of the Forest
- In this section there is too much detail here on the ecology of wildlife. Seems like it would fit into a different article on "Wildlife Ecology of North Vancouver." It is interesting info but does not seem very relevant to this article.
Animals and Wildlife
- This section is good. The last sentence is awkward and long.
The section Early History of Lynn Canyon Park is out of place and has no info below it.
In some parts I am not sure if the headings are correct. For instance, the heading "Lynn Valley Forest Development" is in bold and I am not sure if this is suppose to be under "Exhibits at the Centre" or it's own heading. Basically there are many different sizes/types of headings and I am not sure which one falls under which.
--24.86.13.43 (talk) 01:04, 24 March 2014 (UTC) --24.86.13.43 (talk) 01:11, 24 March 2014 (UTC)
Comments from Ruth
[edit]You have done some good work on this page but there is a fairly large problem (see below)
Small things:
- Missing references in the first paragraph
- You could give more detail about each of the programs at the centre
Big problem:
Details about Lynn Valley Forest Development and other and all the rest of the stuff from here downwards does not belong in this page. It belongs in the Lynn Canyon Park page. Perhaps you could make your project the expansion of the Lynn Canyon park page and have the Lynn Canyon Ecology Centre as a section on that page?
If you decided do this I don't think it would be massive amount of work as you have already done a lot and I think your expansion of the Lynn Canyon Park page would make a really great addition to Wikipedia and would be around for years to come!!
RuthVancouver (talk) 18:05, 27 March 2014 (UTC)
Feedback from Rosie
[edit]The peer-review comments are all good and should be addressed in your revisions. Most importantly, your page's content needs to be changed to match its subject. The section about logging practices doesn't belong on this page. Even the list of species doesn't belong here, since the page is about the Centre, not about Lynn Canyon ecology. You should also add other kinds of information about the Centre. What populations does it serve? Random park visitors? School groups? People who sign up for special programs? Can you create a simple map showing where it is in relation to Lynn Canyon Park?
We discussed by email the plan to move this material to be part of the main Lynn Canyon Park page instead of a stand-alone page; it would have been good to have indicated to your reviewers that you plan to do this.