User talk:Bazinga2018/sandbox

Group Gameplan Feedback:

General: -Start using your citations in your content now. I like that you have a list of muscles to focus on, but you need to do the in-text citation as well. - As you move on, you will quickly begin to see a need/desire to add images. Make sure that you have completed the student training and you can also go here for a very comprehensive how-to and resources on contributing to Wikimedia. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Contents

Specific section comments:

-When posting to the talk pages or when asking for feedback from the experts, I suggest that you draft those questions and include them here so that the whole team can see what you asked.

-Grammar/Style: Know when to use which/that

- One of the peer reviews below discussed talking about the pigeon specifically rather than bird. I suspect that it was unclear to them that you would be using the pigeon to add more general information to the bird page which is lacking. It is still just fine for you to do as planned.

Osquaesitor (talk) 18:39, 1 April 2018 (UTC)

PEER REVIEWS:

Suggestions for draft of the Pigeon article: "I have posted on the Feral Pigeon Talk page suggesting the addition of a section on flight to the page." This is a good idea, but what about sources unless you are using sources from your game plan? Adding a figure showing the anatomical structure of the wings that would aid in flight would help the audience member visualize how the structure aids/works in flight as you have noted. More descriptive information should also be added about how the muscles and feathers function to perform flight.

"The neck of a bird is composed of 13-25 vertebrae which allows birds to have increased flexibility for reaching difficult areas on its body. [1] Many birds have immobile eyes, so a flexible neck allows birds to move their head more productively and center their sight on objects that are close or far in distance.[2] The neck plays a role in head-bobbing which is present in at least 8 out of 27 orders of birds; head-bobbing allows for birds to stabilize their surroundings.[3]" When you continue adding to your draft keep it up with the reliable sources! Potential grammatical and syntax adjustments due to being tad wordy: "Due most birds possessing immobile eyes, a flexible neck allows birds a greater range of motion and to help them focus on objects that are either closer or farther away." For the last sentence what do you mean by "head-bobbing helps stabilize their environment"? Elaborate, please. You could also fully break up the two head-bobbing sentences or combine them. For example: "The neck also is utilized for head-bobbing that aids birds by [explain stabilizing their surroundings] and can be seen in at least 8 out of the 27 orders of birds." Adding a picture of the bird neck would also be beneficial.

Overall, a good game plan and structure for the topics you wish to cover: anatomical and function of wing and neck structure. The 2/3 team members did seem to have their plan to edit their subjects equally, but I'm not sure where the third team members draft is, but elaborating on the vertebrae column and including pictures would be a good idea (as noted in their draft). Padfoot (talk) 04:42, 24 March 2018 (UTC)

Neck section: The direction is good, you have a great draft and well organized process of what you want to add. I would recommend adding more into your draft that explains the importance in the function of the vertebrates.

Wing/flight section: This was a good start, laying out the framework of what you wanted to talk about. You have a lot of information to talk about for the mechanisms of flight. How do you plan on talking about all of them? will it be evenly spread out? I liked the idea of using dissection to show the details, I think it will be very helpful for individuals who look at the page.

Vertebral column section: I do not see a section for the draft of the third member of the group, for vertebral column. Not everyone had contributed to the draft section.

Overall, your section additions look good and will be helpful in the Pigeon page(s). I would recommend that just solidifying some of the sections you want to talk about and add in why the mechanism and function is of importance to the organism. Kingkl (talk) 20:02, 20 March 2018 (UTC)

I would suggest making your information into sentences, paragraphs instead of simply bulleting points since you will receive more feedback on how to structure your sentences, etc.

Neck: This is a good start to a draft, and all data of the neck anatomy is backed up by function that the specific anatomy contributes to. You could possibly add in photos of the neck anatomy.

Muscles: The bullet points do not outline a draft of your final paper. There are no citations and photos could be added so viewers can see what muscles are listed since the general public won’t know specific muscle locations. A link could possibly be added to each muscle if there is a Wiki page already created on that muscle. Also link the specific page that you will be contributing to.

Feathers: This also could be put into full sentences so that you can receive more feedback on your structure. Photos of feathers could be added from the internet or as you said just wait to upload photos once you begin to dissect. There are no citations in the draft where you gathered your information from.

• • • There was no draft written about the vertebral column of the pigeon which was outlined in the game plan. I’m not sure if this individual wrote about the feathers instead or did not contribute to the assignment.

Bucl003 (talk) 00:20, 22 March 2018 (UTC)

The direction of search for what information to include and add is very clear and seems relevant. There is a good amount of sources being used regarding the vertebrae addition, but there are not specific sources provided regarding the muscles and feathers used in flight which should be added. There are a couple of questions to consider while continuing the process that I had while reading. What do you mean by difficult areas on the body when using their neck to there benefit? In what ways is bobbing stabilizing? Will you be talking about how each muscle is being used or just that it has its given function? MountainFoot (talk) 21:42, 22 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review When referring to the bird in the neck vertebra section, refer to it as pigeon instead of bird. Good edit though for the neck section, good use of sources. Consider use of links. Flight section has good information, but just needs to be put into a draft. Avoid when compiling it to make it too wordy with big words. More information in general should be added. Figure out how the information will tie together and into the final page. You make mention of things you will do but it's hard to edit what hasn't been drafted yet. Dr.Biology (talk) 05:06, 24 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer review Would keep the first draft as is. The second draft doesn't seem to have sources so I would add those. Also adding what actions the muscles do such as adduction, abduction, ect. would be helpful. Lastly changing the list into more of a draft format would make it easier to critique but good info.Biologicalamphibian (talk) 06:25, 24 March 2018 (UTC)