User talk:BeckAnn B/Athenian festivals
Excellent work, BeckAnn B! Your sentence is clear, straightforward, and to the point. Keep up the fantastic job! Gardneca (talk) 19:13, 14 October 2019 (UTC)
Peer Review of Athenian Festivals
Hi! My comments/suggestions/ questions are below the sections of paragraphs that are highlighted in bold.
The article is a list of the most common Athenian festivals, and while each festival has it's own link to another Wikipedia page, I think the article could still be improved. The lead into the article is too short and does not summarize the whole page. My other suggestion would be to add more to some of the smaller sections such as Hercules's festival and the citizenship festivals. I also think the page would benefit from potentially adding a new section, focusing less on specific festivals and Athenian Festivals as a whole. One suggestion for a new section is about the role of women in festivals, as they often had specific roles and participated in ways very different from the men. From this the page could go on to discuss the role of slaves or non-citizens in the festivals.
1. Sorry, I am not understanding the connection between the two sentences of roles of women in festivals to the sentence discussing roles of slaves or non-citizens in the festivals.
Another suggestion is to add a section about the proceedings of sacrifice in festivals. As it often played a dominant role. Citizens would often have festivals dedicated to a specific deity and would offer sacrifices as the main part of the festivals.Festivals also often included games and theater, this idea could be turned into a section as well.
1. I agree, a new section about sacrifices in festivals is an interesting topic to discuss and expand upon.
Add a citation: Original text is normal Mine own added is bolded
Aphrodite and Adonis[edit]
The Adonia (Ἀδώνια), or Adonic feasts, were ancient feasts instituted in honour of Aphrodite and Adonis, and observed with great solemnity among the Greeks, Egyptians, etc. The festival took place in the late summer and lasted between one and eight days.[1] The Adonis festival was held annually to honor the death of Adonis, Aphrodite's mortal lover who was killed by a boar.[2] Women would participate in the festival by planting their own gardens of Adonis inside of fractured pottery vessels to transport to the rooftops where the ceremonies took place.[2] The event was run by females and attended exclusively by them. All Athenian women were allowed to attend, including widows, wives and unmarried females of different social classes.[1] On the first day, they brought into the streets statues of Adonis, which were laid out as corpses; and they observed all the rites customary at funerals, beating themselves and uttering lamentations, in imitation of the cries of Venus for the death of her paramour. The second day was spent in merriment and feasting; because Adonis was allowed to return to life and spends half of the year with Aphrodite. The women would march through the city to the sea, where Adonis was born and buried. This was preceded by wailing on the rooftops that could be heard throughout the city. The Adonis was an event where women were allowed unusual freedom and independence, as they could socialize without constraint under their own terms.[1]
1. This is interesting information presented. I find the sentences are clear and concise. However, there are some aspects that could be expanded on, such as the sentence, “the second day was spent in merriment…and spend half of the year with Aphrodite.” This sentence left me wondering what happens to Adonis for the other half of the year when he is not spending time with Aphrodite?
2. There are some words that need to be changed into a singular or plural form that happens occasionally in the paragraphs such as “spends” instead of “spend”.
Citizenship Festivals
The Apaturia (Greek: Ἀπατούρια) were Ancient Greek festivals held annually by all the Ionian towns, except Ephesus and Colophon who were excluded due to acts of bloodshed. The festival represents their origins and their families who were sent over by the kings, practiced by the descendants. In this festival, the males would present their sons to their clan to swear an oath of legitimacy. This was followed by a sacrifice of either a sheep or a goat, and then their names getting inscribed in the register.[3] At Athens the Apaturia took place on the 11th, 12th and 13th days of the month Pyanepsion (mid-October to mid-November), on which occasion the various phratries, or clans, of Attica met to discuss their affairs.[4] (Added this source, its from the original Apaturia wiki page and where they got this info).
1. “The festival represents their origins and their families who were sent over by the kings, practiced by the descendants.” Singular or plural form of festival? Also, I am confused by this sentence on the connection between the origins and how it is practiced by the descendants.
2. “In this festival, the males would present their sons to their clan to swear an oath of legitimacy.” Sorry I am not sure which festival you are talking about in this sentence. Does this festival have a specific name?
3.“At Athens the Apaturia took place on the 11th, 12th and 13th days of the month Pyanepsion (mid-October to mid-November), on which occasion the various phratries, or clans, of Attica met to discuss their affairs.” I am confused on what these events are about.
Women in Athenian Festivals
Athenian women were allowed to attend the majority of festivals, but often had limited participation in the festivities or feasts. They would have been escorted by a family member or husband to the male dominated festivals, as it would have been viewed as inappropriate for an unmarried girl or married woman to go unsupervised. Non-citizen women and slaves would be present as prostitutes or workers for the male guests, but were not included in the actual festival. [5] Select male festivals would include women in their festivities. Often high-born women were allowed to attend the Panathenaia as basketbeares, but would not participate in the feast itself. The public festivals of Anthesteria and Dionysia, included women both in attendance and rites of sacrifice.[6] The festival of Argive held in honor of Hera was attended by both men and women. The men and women's involvement in the festival was close to equal, and they shared rites of feasting and sacrifice.[7]
1. “Select male festivals would include women in their festivities.” Perhaps you could specify more on the types of select male festivals and the reason behind their inclusion of women in their festivities.
2. Perhaps you could expand upon this sentence of “The men and women's involvement in the festival was close to equal, and they shared rites of feasting and sacrifice." Since it might expand upon your sentence of the types of things that men and women shared in common for some of these festivals.
Athenian women held their own festivals, often excluding men such as the Thesmophoria, Adonia, and Skira. Festivals hosted by females were not supported by the state and instead were private festivals run and funded by women. For this reason they were often hosted inside homes and held at night.[8] The Thesmophoria was a major female festival held in the honour of Demeter. Female festivals were often dedicated to a female goddess and were held as a way of social, religious and personal expressions for females. Wealthy women would sponsor the events and the females would elect other females to preside over the festival. Common themes of festivals hosted by females was the transitioning from a girl to a woman, as well as signs of fertility. Rarely select men would be invited to the festivals, and in some cases they would be allowed to participate. There were festivals that could also be held as a way to protest the power of men in Athens and empower the women in the community. The Skira was an example of a female only event that was held annually in the summer as an opposition to men. This festival was held in honour of the Goddesses Athena and Demeter, and the women would eat garlic as it was linked to sexual abstinence to oppose the men and their husbands.[9]
1. “Wealthy women would sponsor the events and the females would elect other females to preside over the festival.” Maybe you could add what kind of other females they would elect (e.g., young, old, wealthy, poor etc.) if possible.
2. “Some cases” this seems a bit vague. Perhaps you could expand upon this.
References
1. References seem good! Perhaps you could provide more links to the website so other people could view them too. There seems to be a lot of references from Joan Burton. Are there more sources that you could add to the article to have more of a balance of sources?
Overall, this was an interesting article to read that was clear and concise. As well, lead into the sections of what information was missing from the original article and suggestions of new sections that helped to lead into the following sections of the article. Acadiagirl21 (talk) 00:39, 3 November 2019 (UTC)Acadiagirl21
Instructor Feedback
[edit]Thank you for your review, Acadiagirl21, it is very helpful and you give good suggestions for improvement, both in terms of clarity and content.
BeckAnn B great work on improving your article so far, I like the direction you've taken and the content you've added. Your peer reviewer has given you some good suggestions for improvement, particularly in content and presentation. Remember, if something is unclear to the peer reviewer, then it probably will be unclear to the general public as well. One of the most difficult aspects of editing Wikipedia is trying to keep in mind that your reader often knows nothing about the topic, so including sufficient background information is key. I think you have some good suggestions to work on in terms of expansion, and there are some helpful notes about grammar and sentence-structure, and I actually think that when you take a step back and re-write/add to some of the sections, everything will become much clearer. One thing I noticed - you use the term 'female' a lot as a substantive adjective (ie replacing the noun 'woman'), and although it's not technically wrong, it's a controversial term for many (go ahead and search "using female as a noun"!!), so please reconsider this. Keep up the good work in terms of the content you're adding, and excellent job so far! Please let me know if you have any questions, and reply to this comment when you have seen it with your plans and goals for improvement over the next month. Don't forget to tag me and sign with 4 tildes (~)! Gardneca (talk) 14:12, 6 November 2019 (UTC)
My plan going forward with my article is to start with the comments left behind by my peer reviewer. I plan to take a closer look at my sentences and adding more background information so my article is more clear to the reader. I also will be looking into my use of the word 'female' and changing them to the word women or woman, after your suggestion about using it as a noun. I plan to expand upon my women in festivals section and also look into diversifying my sources by adding a few more so I have a better balance. I also definitely plan on going back through the comments left behind by my reviewer and clarifying the points she mentioned, such as explaining what the festivals were and the significance more thoroughly. From here I will also look into adding another section specifically on the role of sacrifice in Athenian festivals and which ones they were most prominent in. I will also add details on the types of sacrifice, ei. goat, sheep, etc. I am also considering putting in some details about the sort of offerings made, such as food, wine, statues, etc. Once I finish expanding upon my points, I plan on editing the top lead-in of the page so it better represents the contents of the article. After I have finished adding any and all new information I will go into editing the article. Part of my usual editing process is to print off whatever I am working on. I find this helps me step back and objectively edit my own work. Once this has been done and changes are made, I will ask a friend to read over my work to get an unbias opinion. Preferably I hope to get someone who is uneducated about Greek history or Athens. My intent with this is to make sure the article is clear to someone who has no prior knowledge of Athenian festivals. After this has been done, and any necessary changes are made, I will do a final round of editing. From here I will fully transfer my work over to the actual page and publish my changes. BeckAnn B (talk) 03:58, 11 November 2019 (UTC)
Sounds great, BeckAnn B, I'm really looking forward to seeing your final product! Gardneca (talk) 16:43, 11 November 2019 (UTC)