User talk:Carolinecaseymcdonald/sandbox
Week 11- Peer Review by Sean Comeau
All and all a solid rough draft. You definitely have enough content in the article itself but maybe some additional key details like examples of experiments conducted that prove dominance structure in each of the types of animals listed in your article. As well,puting the species and genus names of the animals you are giving examples of having dominance structure would be a good addition to make the article look more scientific and professional. Also some pictures would really make it look very inviting and catch the readers eye some more. All and all though good rough draft. Sean Comeau (talk) 19:42, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
Week 11 - Peer Review and Copy Edit by Jessica Barron
Hi Caroline,
Your article draft for “Dominance Signal” is well done and appears to be close to completion. Other than a few small spelling/sentence structure edits and a couple of suggestions I did not find any major issues with this draft that needed to be addressed. Your lead section did a good job of introducing the topics you are going to cover in your article. However, for the third paragraph of this section it might be beneficial to rephrase this paragraph to focus on dominance signal specifically rather than animal signals in general. The “Courtship Dominance Signals” section was extremely well done; I only made one small edit where I added “produces” between “fish” and “increases”. I could not think of any improvements or suggestions for the “Social Dominance Signals” section. As for the “Territorial Dominance Signals” section, I made two edits: I changed “are” to “is” between “salmon” and “challenged”, and I changed “after assessment of the male dominant, will become darker” to “it will become darker after assessment of the dominant male” for clarity. Also, how does darkening minimize risk of potential injury during fights for the Atlantic salmon example? Lastly, the “Human Dominance Signals” section is interesting and is a great way to conclude the article by using an example that applies to everyday life. I found the structure of your article draft to be clear, your draft had entirely neutral content and all of your sources were reliable. The article coverage was not completely balanced as the “Territorial Dominance Signals” section was relatively short and the “Human Dominant Signals” section was a bit lengthy. I don’t think this is a major issue, however, if you did want to make the article more balanced I would suggest potentially adding one more example for the “Territorial Dominance Signals” section.