User talk:CarsWiski/sandbox
Michael Breunig and Sam Prieve's Peer Review
[edit]Overall Suggestions
[edit]We really like the writing style. It has a good flow and was easy to understand. We especially liked the way other Wikipedia pages were linked in the text. That's something we should look into. If the sections aren't in order from most to least prevalent, we suggest maybe putting them in order so that the most looked for topics are near the top. Also, don't forget to review the original article for unclear sentences.
Overall, good work! The following list are suggestions for edits in each section. If you are looking for another topic to add to the wordcount, narcolepsy may be a good subject. It's definitely not as common as say insomnia, but the sudden drowsiness can lead to multiple complications with everyday activities like driving. That's why, even though it's a rare condition, there might be ample material to write a section about it.
Children and Young Adults
[edit]- We think the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd sentences need references.
- We recommend inserting the second paragraph saying, "A systematic review noted 7-16% of young adults..." before the sentence starting "Another systematic review..." It seems like the first paragraph has multiple disorders, so the paragraphs could be condensed. If you don't like the suggested placement, we still think you should reword the "Another systematic review..." sentence and get rid of "another" since there are no systematic reviews being referenced before that.
Obstructive Sleep Apnea
[edit]- What is a day-time symptom? We assume they are symptoms happening in the day, but that seems sort of strange since the article is about sleep and that happens mostly at night. Maybe they are symptoms felt while awake? We recommend clarifying this.
Insomnia
[edit]- Sentences one and two should have a citation.
- The "Men and women in China experience..." sentence seems unnecessary because China is part of Eastern Asia. Plus, the incidence rates are equivalent. Thus, you could delete this sentence.
- Maybe link 'Western Countries' to the 'Western World' Wikipedia page.
Sleep Paralysis
[edit]- It seems like most Wikipedia pages cite every statistic; however, it also seems like all of this information came from source 8. If so, it would seem strange to have 8s all over the place. So, maybe one citation at the end is sufficient? Maybe ask Professor Kantor or Miss Miller in the library.
Restless Leg Syndrome
[edit]- The last sentence was a little confusing and we couldn't think of a good way to clarify it, but it should be addressed.
References
[edit]- All of the references seem solid. Good work!