User talk:Cochere/HVS Global Hospitality Services

Review

There are many things about you writing which are commendable. And there are aspects which are problematic and need to be understood. You have done well to acknowledge your association with the subject and for previewing the policy which governs conflicts of interest. You are endeavoring to write an article about a company, which is one of the most difficult subjects to write about. This because it takes extra diligence to write such an article without making it sound like it came straight from the companies own public relations department, or advertising department. And because there often isn't much encyclopedic content generated from such a subject, it is easy to stray off topic. This draft is half about the company and half about Steve Rushmore. All the details about Steve would be fine in a biographical article about him, but for a company there is disproportionate representation. For example listing publications of Mr. Rushmore really don't belong in company's article.

My biggest concern for this draft is notability and the general notability guidelines. You must include sources which are independent of the company to achieve notability. Currently most of your content is referenced to a primary source which means its notability is questionable. Review the guidelines for reliable sources as well.

So for some of the more important steps, remove content which is not directly about the company and content which exaggerates its relevance. For example, Rushmore "created the hotel appraisal model that everyone else follows to this day". Everyone else is impossible to substantiate and its context is vague. Is it everyone else in the company who follows this writing or everyone else in the world? Could you ever prove that every single person in the industry has read this publication. To include "The list of alumni reads like a who's who of the most highly regarded consultants, development executives and financial experts in the worldwide lodging industry.", you need to present it an an attributive manner and not stated as fact. For example you should state it as 'Lodging Hospitality opined "The list of alumni reads like a who’s who of the most highly regarded consultants, development executives and financial experts in the worldwide lodging industry."' These are just examples and you can chose any manner you like to attribute the quote to who made it, and of course include the inline reference just as you did.

Also it is important to find more sources which are independent of the subject. Right now too much of the content is dependent on primary sources like the company itself or a paid press release. You might want to send your draft through articles for creation as a means to gain more feedback and you can also come to our live chat for assistance anytime. So let me know what else I can do to help you with this endeavor. Cheers for now. My76Strat 01:44, 17 December 2010 (UTC)