User talk:Davidburnell

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Feedback on North of England Education Conference

I posted some comments here; just wanted to make sure you didn't miss them.

First, I want to note that this is a very fine effort for a first article.

While I have some observations, most fall into the optional areas for improvement, as opposed to requirements.

• I was looking for the overall purpose of the conference, and didn't find it clearly stated in the lede or as its own section. Those not familiar with the conference, might reasonably guess it has something to do with education goals, but it isn't obvious whether this means pedagogy, proposed legislation, or what. The best hint is in a section titled "Speakers" but that isn't the place I would look to find a purpose. Consider a separate section to cover the purpose or goals. It probably also belongs in the lede, but be aware that a lede section summarizes the article, so it is not only acceptable to be in both places, it is virtually required.
• On a related point, I wondered if there were some notable deliverables - proposed legislation, proposed organizations or reorganizations of the educational system, white papers, or something else.
• Please check out referencing. You nicely included some references, but the citation style could be improved.
• Please examine the capitalization in the last sentence of your Delegates section (and you can refer to WP:MOSCAPS for help.) In some cases, e.g. Directors of Education, I assume the term is formal and requires capitalization, but I wonder if "Headteachers", "Higher Education", "Health", "Police", and "Voluntary Sector" should be capitalized.
• You have a major heading "Since 2004" and discuss each conference since that date. Is there something special about 2004, or is that simply when you starting an annual summary?
• The annual conferences are a secondary heading (which is fine) but the 2011 conference has a different level heading and a different title structure. I don't see a good reason for this, and would use the same format as for the other conferences.
• In the section on the 2007 conference , you refer to "14 - 19 Learners". I don't know what this means.

SPhilbrickT 16:23, 9 February 2010 (UTC)