User talk:Elanjust/sandbox
EJ, This is solid work from scratch. I have a question about the context of the collective 'we' in the second to last sentence in the history section. I think I am following you, but other readers may not. I have read it a half-dozen times trying to think of a revision that retains your statement without diminishing the context and I have fallen short.
Additionally I made a minor correction about unemployment rates in hope of making the line read smoother. I look forward to your continued work on this and will keep checking back. Usfmicah (talk) 05:58, 2 June 2015 (UTC)
EJ, WOW! You have done a lot of great work so far. I have a few minor grammatical suggestions: In your first sentence, the "who" (who are these anti-discrimination measures being fought for?) is implied in the title Transgender Activism, but I think you could end the sentence more explicitly with a "for" clause (such as "for transgendered persons" or "for the LGBT community," whatever you think is most accurate). You do a good job of summarizing the study in the "Statistics of Oppression" section, but I think the sentence is a bit wordy and might read better as 2-3 shorter sentences. It's awesome that you've traced an important key event back to the 1820s, but I think you can add a sentence or two, or even a sentence clause, to connect it to the modern concept of transgender activism. You might do this by briefly (in a few words) describing the berdache. You link to it, which is helpful for someone who wants to do further research, but a reader who is simply skimming the issue would probably like to see a quick definition on this page. For me, it wasn't immediately evident how a woman who refused marriage, while certainly subverting traditional gender roles, related to the transgender cause. Your list of recent achievements is a nice touch, as are all the images. You've created a really informative and necessary article. RachLit (talk) 22:59, 2 June 2015 (UTC)
Dear Usfmicah and RachLit, Thank you both for your suggestions. I have taken them all into consideration and made the revisions that you recommend. If anything appears to be amiss, or if you have any further suggestions, please let me know. Once again, thank you for your time, close attention to detail, and your kind words. Best, Elanjust (talk) 23:00, 3 June 2015 (UTC)